The Extendables Page #2

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Oh... okay.

VD, you okay?

Umm...

What happened?

Sometimes I see things.

What did you see?

It was large and warm,

and it felt really good.

So, you're okay.

Yeah!

Okay.

You know we have to do

the fight sometime today!

Yes?

Why don't you show

us the second part

of the fight Mr. Choreographer?

You will never get me.

The crystals are mine.

You'll never get me!

The crystals are mine!

Hmm hmm!

You'll never get me ha ha!

Oh, God.

A word, if I may.

Oh, Sir Jeffrey, of course.

Let me know what

I can do for you.

You will never

get me, the crystals are mine.

Does the previous sentence have

a ring of familiarity to it?

Sort of.

Shall we

call it by its real name?

What?

Cliche.

Do you want me saying cliches?

No.

What exactly

was it about this script

that made you want

to make this movie?

Why don't you re-title the

film and call it, The Cliche?

Then it can be a comedy

and I can laugh about it.

What do you want to say?

I want the

words to not be plagarized.

I want them to have something

to say that vaguely resembles

my character, who is f***ing

religious by the way.

"The crystals are mine,"

what the f*** is that?

What did you pay

for this script?

One hundred.

Hmmmm, a 100,000 dollar cliche.

VD!

You may want to stand clear.

Jesus!

Wafting!

In his pants

right now, there is more

original color and content

than in your script.

Whew, stay!

Stay.

Wow.

Maria?

Did you see the size

of that guy's bulge?

European men put it pointed

up to make it look bigger.

American men put it

down to make it look bigger.

No, they don't,

it looks bigger up!

No, American men point it down

to make it look bigger.

No, it looks bigger up.

Down.

Up.

Down.

- Up.

- Down!

Stop talking about dick.

Are you the

only one who's allowed

to talk about it, Mr. Director?

Well maybe I am!

VD, I have the calamari!

It looks fantastic!

Mmmm-hmmm

It is not as good as last week!

Oh no, uh, VD, sir, uh, umm...

Louie...

Uh, uh, Louie?

V...Louie?

10 minutes, we are taking break.

Why don't we just make

a movie about break?

At least

it wouldn't be a cliche.

You should have budgeted

for some star wranglers.

They have those?

Oh, yes.

Complete with ropes

and cattle prods.

Do you have their number?

There, yeah.

Yo.

Mmmm.

Aaahh!

I could not do

this without you guys.

I love you.

You guys always be there for me!

I promise, I will

always be there for you.

What's your name?

Okay, we start today with

a prayer and some meditation.

A little prayer.

5 minutes.

Quiet.

HEY!!!!!

TURN OFF THE CELL

PHONES AND THE WALKIES!

Turn off the cell

phones and the walkies!

AND THE CELL:

PHONES AND THE WALKIES!

JESUS!

What is this

meditation costing me?

Five, ten thousand?

Okay, we go to work.

Yes, maybe now we

can make some movie!

Lay down, lay down, lay down.

Quickly.

Okay.

Oh, is that beautiful?

Is that so nice?

Okay, so, you need to wake up,

you're asleep, you're asleep.

Sleep.

You wake up.

Okay, now, you got to

g..., we need something

for her to hit me with.

How 'bout, a...

Rubber chicken.

Yeah?

Rubber chicken?

That would be funny!

Or better, you know, there's

a lot of rubber chickens.

What about...

I think this is it.

Turkey neck!

Yeah?

Whup, turkey neck!

Huuuh!

Yeah what do you think?

Props!

Do you have a turkey neck?

I've got this lizard thing.

It is a lizard.

Yeah.

Does your lizard speak?

Not in my experience.

On Mars, a rubber lizard.

This is a big beef thing.

Maybe you could try that.

Does it hurt?

Well, you try.

Thanks.

Hahahaha!

Go ahead.

You like?

Yeah, that's good!

That doesn't hurt at all.

Yeah, hey come here!

Is this good?

Yeah!

What else do you have?

A wooden leg?

A peg leg?

Yeah, it actually

belonged to my uncle.

I don't know if it will...

Ow!

Jeez.

It doesn't work.

No, that's not gonna work.

Step back here for a second.

Some crabs?

That is a space crab!

Those are hard to get rid of.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Oh.

What, umm...

A little aluminum missile.

An itty bitty

little aluminum missile.

A little bitty

tiny aluminum missile.

What do you think?

It's funny.

Hit me on the head with it.

Hey, uhh...

Man, Mark, you have

a very big package.

What is that, kielbasa?

Are we fighting,

or talking dick?

I guess I do talk

about dick a lot.

Can we kiss and make up?

I would like that.

Did she say lick,

she would lick that?

Like.

I would lick that, too.

I lick it.

Alright everybody,

that's five minutes.

Make it six!

Okay, make it six.

Maria!

Something's happening!

Cradle the balls,

work the shaft.

Cradle the

balls, work the shaft.

Mmmm cradle, more cradle.

- I

- just had an inspiration

for a new crew T-shirt.

Sure.

It's been about

five minutes, baby.

Are you okay?

What do stupid

doctors know, anyway?

Do you think they could wait

maybe five more minutes?

I don't want them to

think I went too quickly.

And maybe you could mess

your hair up a little?

Don't worry, we'll

have fun on the set.

I promise.

Two pools, 20 dollars each.

One, we get a shot

of anything today,

Two we don't get a shot all day.

That is whack.

I'm in.

No shot.

Sir Jeffrey would like

to speak with his director,

do you have a minute for him?

Oh, Sir Jeffrey, of course.

This way, sir.

Of course for Sir

Jeffrey, I always have time.

VD, structurally, they're

doing a rather strange thing.

They're having a sub-villain

killed after the main villain.

A sub-villain.

I'm a bad guy on a submarine.

No, no we don't

have a submarine in the movie.

We have rocket ships.

Yes!

My character

is a main villain, so

anyone who would work

for a main villain

would be a sub-villain.

A smaller bad guy?

Exactly!

So, why would you

kill a little bad guy

after you've just killed

the biggest bad guy?

Because, he's a bad

guy and he has to die.

Yes, but um,

killing of the big villain,

that's the climax of the movie.

Climax, like, orgasm.

Exactly, right!

Yes, so after the orgasm,

do you have foreplay?

No.

I just, take a nap.

Right.

Because the movie's over.

Right, I never

watch the credits.

So, why would

you kill a little bad guy

after you've just

killed the big bad guy?

Because he is a bad guy.

Yes, but you see, umm, killing

of the little bad guys is

the foreplay that leads up

to killing of the big bad

guy, which is the climax.

I don't understand.

Okay, umm...

Action-adventure movies are

really like romance movies.

The romantic hero identifies

the beautiful girl,

chases after her, romances

her, finally gets to have her.

...Climax!

Action-adventure hero,

identifies the bad guy,

chases after him after

some close encounters,

finally the bad guy's

caught and killed, climax!

So you see it's, it's

almost like a love story.

But, I don't love the villain.

Well no, of

course, but, but you know,

you still wanna f*** him.

I do?

Yes.

Where?

In the butt?

No!

Well then they...

Or they...

69?

No, it was a metaphor!

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