The Extendables Page #3

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A metaphor.

You don't know metaphor?

Hmm, comes before meta-five.

It doesn't come at all.

It doesn't?

No.

So Jeffrey, could

you explain please,

but with the smaller words.

Look, as the

script is now, it's as though

you get to f*** the beautiful

girl that you'be been

chasing after the whole

movie, then you climb off her,

go into the next room,

and f*** her ugly sister!

Does that make any sense?

Yes!

Why?

Because, if you can

f*** the sister, you should.

But, she's ugly.

It's not the face you f***.

Do you know the

expression pearls before swine?

Yes.

Do you know what it means?

Yeah.

Don't feed pigs pearls

because they could

choke on them and die.

Exactly.

Right.

Call it.

Yes?

VD, the crew wants to

present you with a cake.

They do?

For our director.

Oh, hey cake for everybody!

Ha ha!

Cake cake cake cake I like cake.

Congratulations!

I don't know what to say,

I'm, I'm really very moved.

I know that having

a crew like you guys

makes my job all the

much easier, you guys

are fantastic, and I

hope that we can always

work together

forever, forever, yes.

Please, VD, blow

out your candles.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Well.

Help me, I'm blind!

I'm blind!

No, no, it's okay, it's okay.

I'm cake-blind!

VD, VD.

VD, it's whipped cream and

it's actually pretty good.

Well get it off of me!

Alright,

YOU'RE ALL FIRED!!!

GET OFF MY SET, ALL OF YOU!

Right now, you fire

them right now!

VD, it was practical joke!

Nobody was hurt.

Get off of my set!

All of you!

You're all fired!

You're fired right now

brother, right now!

It's pie in face,

it's part of show business.

Bullshit!

Fire them!

We have to finish the movie!

No!

GET OFF MY SET NOW ALL OF YOU!

Alright, that's enough.

Not yet, not yet.

Stay here!

Hey, you stupid FX motherf***er.

Who's pissing their panties now?

Huh?

Hasta la vista, maybe.

You want a retake?

Eat my lead.

Vaya con dios, baby.

Hey, it's pretty funny, a man

all covered in whipped

cream firing a shotgun.

Yeah, funny, let's laugh!

Funny pie in the face man,

come on let's all laugh!

Yah, yah, is funny.

All we need is

some maybe nice tits,

then we really have a show.

That is pretty good you

stupid FX motherf***er

that doesn't even know the

sound of his own blanks, huh?

Yippee kay-yay motherf***er!

Doesn't even know the

sound of his own blanks.

Yoke's on you, ha!

Rub yourself, rub

your boobies on me.

I feel something.

It's working!

Okay.

Well that was

fun while it lasted.

Let's go!

Okay, it's working, oh yes!

Sophocles heard

it long ago on the Aegean,

and it brought into his

mind the turbid ebb and flow

of human misery.

Oh, oh...

Down the vast edges and

naked shingles of the world.

Oh, oh S-Sue, I was in the warm.

I saw the warm.

Thank you, my little fish.

Alright, time to get back

to work, bring me.

Touch-ups, after rehearsal.

Okay, at this

point in the fight,

get rid of the swords.

We're going to grapple

mano a mano, yeah?

Okay.

By now, Darkwing has managed

to get me in a sleeper hold.

But the last minute, I

will overpower him and

him on the ground.

VD, nobody can get

out of a sleeper hold.

Ah, bull sh*t.

I do it all the time.

You said you wanted

the fight to be realistic?

Nobody can get out

of a sleeper hold.

I do it all the time, Mark!

It's gonna knock you out.

Ha ha ha ha.

Put one on me, come on, give

it your best shot, stuntman.

Listen, let's

continue the fight, huh?

Are you afraid of the great VD?

You think I don't

know what I'm doing?

You think I got this way

from being photographed?

My chi will overpower your chi

and that is what

you are afraid of.

Bring it on, stuntman.

Put your best move on me now.

VD, it's gonna knock you out.

Bullshit, do it.

Get the medic.

Tell him he's gonna

need to revive VD.

Ha ha ha ha.

What's happening here?

One minute, I am proving a point

to the bullshit stuntman.

Ha, okay.

Don't do anything

until I say go.

Are you ready?

Ready.

Huh?

Go!

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Medic?

Oh, crap he pissed himself.

His pulse is good.

Alright, alright.

Get wardrobe in here

to change his pants.

Hey, look.

VD wakes up, and he finds

out that we know that

he pissed his pants, we're gonna

kiss off the whole day, huh.

I thought that's

what we're doing already.

Come on, come on,

pants, fly it on in here!

He stuffs his pants?

That is whack.

Has somebody

got a magnifying glass?

A tattoo.

He got his Johnny tattooed.

Oh man, what

that would feel like.

No, no that's a rumor, man.

I don't believe that.

No.

It's definitely not a rumor.

This is what he wanted.

It took about

2000 pricks on his porksword.

On the uh, tip of his uh...

His manhood?

His manhood.

I hope he told you that.

I hope you did not...

No!

I saw it.

He had a, he had a tattoo of

like uh, eagle's wings or uh,

a talon going over the tip.

How did uh, how

did you happen to see it?

What was the circumstance?

No, he just

decided to show it to me.

So you kept your trousers up.

I kept mine up.

He just, he gave

you a quick visual,

and that was that.

Red talons on the left

and blue talons on the right.

It's like, an eagle.

Very patriotic.

Maybe he's wanting to fly.

No, I think if he wanted

to fly it would be wings.

Get the pants on him, okay!

Mark!

Lay down next to VD.

We got a movie to

make here, now.

When the medic hits VD with

the smelling salts, okay,

I want you to roll

over, like he's just

flipped you over his back

and onto the floor, okay?

Hey look, with any luck,

he'll believe this, too.

Alright, the rest of you.

When VD wakes up, all I

want to hear is cheering.

Congratulations,

hey you were great,

hey you're the best

guy in the world,

Hey bullshit, blah

blah blah blah blah.

Okay?

Alright.

You ready?

Yeah.

, action.

I tell you, you

bullshit stuntman,

now you have met the great VD.

Who is the one with

the, embarrass now, man?

Is it you?

Oh ho ho ho ho.

Yeah, VD, me.

Whew!

Something smells like sh*t.

Ah, what, did somebody

step on a barking spider?

General, please stop

wafting in my direction, uh.

When did I remember to

forget to tie my shoes?

Ah!

I have a great

idea for the fight.

Um, the great VD is

going to fly in the movie

like House of Frying Dragons.

Yes!

House of Frying Dragons,

we're going to fly me.

VD, why would

your character fly?

Cuz he is a spaceman.

Yes, but House of Frying

Dragons was a fantasy.

Yeah, life is a fantasy.

Like Peter Pan.

Never grow up!

Never grow up, no way

not sir, no not me!

I just thought of something.

What?

The first time I had jellybeans.

Louie!

Get me some jellybeans and

take out all the yellow ones!

Jellybeans are

on their way, captain.

Aye, aye!

Alright, back to work.

In here.

The design had

to come from somewhere,

even if it was just

his subconsious.

It's like a, that

makes it even better,

a direct snapshot

into his inner psyche.

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