The Faculty Page #5

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and take your freak dyke with you.

F*** you, tit bags.

- Will everybody calm down, please?

- All right, Casey.

Let's go alien for a second.

Why here?

Why Ohio?

If you were going

to take over the world,

would you blow up the White House

Independence Day style...

or sneak in

through the backdoor?

Casey.

Man, the only person

in this school who is an alien...

is you, man.

F*** you, Zeke.

What's going on here?

Shouldn't you people

be in class?

Well, it's like this,

Mr Furlong,

Casey here

thinks you're an alien.

- Really?

- The whole faculty, actually.

Is that true?

Casey?

The thing I found yesterday

Where is it?

I sent it to the university.

Do they know what it is?

Look, sorry to impose and

disrupt, Mr Furlong, but

If you'd kindly take your seats,

this will be over quite quickly.

Now sit down!

- Put him the f*** down, Furlong.

- This is for the best, Zeke.

Goddamn it!

Come on.

No!

Zeke.

This is usually the point where somebody

says, "Let's get the f*** outta here."

Let's get the f*** outta here.

Aliens are taking over

the f***ing school.

We gotta have proof.

All right, everybody,

here's the deal.

We're heading straight

for the parking lot.

Pull it together,

and try to stay calm.

Stokely.

What's Stan hanging out

with those guys for?

Delilah.

My car.

- Where are we going?

- Anywhere but here.

Wait.

Stan!

- There he is. Let's go.

- Where you going, buddy?

- We're going to

- Come on, Stan. Jesus Christ.

- Get in the f***ing car.

- Sure you don't want to play with us?

Nah, Gabe... but thanks.

What the f*** is going on?

Let's see if anybody's talking.

Who the f*** are these guys?

All right,

pull over here, fellas.

- F*** this sh*t.

- Hey!

- Where's your mom and dad?

- Europe, I think.

Sh*t.

- My God.

- This is some serious sh*t.

This is your big secret?

Caffeine pills?

You didn't see that.

What are we gonna do with

the police not being an option?

I can call my dad.

He'd know what to do.

If he's even

your dad anymore.

It's called a gun, man.

What is it?

We're gonna find out.

Hey, come here, Oscar.

Come here, buddy.

Jeez.

Now what?

I'm sorry, buddy.

See? It's a parasite.

It attaches itself to a host,

and then it controls it.

- It's incomplete.

- What do you mean?

It can survive on its own, but it's

really part of a greater organism.

Look, it has the ability to replicate,

but it needs a host.

Something moist.

See what it did to Oscar's insides.

It dried them out.

Hey, isn't a human body

composed mainly of water?

They're using us.

- Drying us out.

- Like Mrs Brummel, right?

I overheard the coach.

Her body was too old.

She didn't take.

See, this partially explains

what happened to Furlong.

That drug's a diuretic.

Dries it out. Kills it.

They're using us as hosts. They're just

turning us into mindless slaves...

- they can control.

- How do you know that?

She doesn't.

She's a Trekkie sci-fi freak.

Who's been right so far.

How do we stop it?

Yeah, Stokely,

this is your area.

In theory,

they're all connected.

- If we kill the master, we get them all.

- "In theory."

What happens to everybody else?

The ones who've been taken over?

Do they just die?

No, they don't.

They would become human again.

But that is

in theory, so

So if we found the leader

and killed it,

- we'd beat it.

- What are we even talking about?

- I say we get the f*** out of town.

- And go where?

Don't you see? We got to stop it

or it's gonna spread.

It took the high school

in a day and a half.

Give it a week,

we'll never outrun it.

- We have to fight.

- Fight what?

We don't even know

who's alien and who's not.

What if one of us was an alien

right now? How would we know?

He's right. How do I know

you're really Casey?

How do I know

you're really you?

In Body Snatchers,

humans became emotionless.

- They completely lost their identities.

- The coach had emotion.

I mean, he's usually a real hard-ass,

but he was different somehow.

His behaviour

was slightly odd.

Like a star quarterback who mysteriously

quits the football team?

What are you doing, Delilah?

I'm just pointing out

your "slightly odd" behaviour, Stan.

You've been acting really weird

the last couple of days.

I'm not an alien,

I'm discontent.

- There's another big word.

- You want to talk slightly odd?

What about you? You haven't been

without your contacts...

or hair spray

since birth.

- I'm incognito.

- We just have to trust each other.

And I'm supposed to trust you? Tell me something,

Miss Lesbian, when did you start liking boys?

- What the f*** you talking about?

- I see the way you look at Stan.

So when did you stop

muff-diving?

She's not a lesbian.

That was a hoax.

- Really?

- Yeah.

And what about you,

Miss Atlanta?

It's just really convenient that you showed up

the second all these things started happening.

- What are you doing in Ohio anyway?

- It's not my fault.

Hey, shut up.

She's got a point, Zeke.

Yeah, Zeke, Professor.

I mean, you seem to know an awful lot

about this stuff.

No offence, but you're not exactly known

for your academic achievements.

Neither are you, man.

- Casey, when did you become Sigourney Weaver?

- Wha

All right,

this is getting us nowhere.

I got a solution.

We know this outs them, right?

Take a hit.

No way, man.

I don't do drugs.

Come on, man. If you're not an alien,

you got nothing to worry about.

Zeke's right.

This is the only way

to know for sure.

Yeah, come on, Stan.

What are you afraid of, man?

Look, we all do it.

- Casey.

- Why me first?

It's your birthright, man.

Just f***ing take it.

Easy, boy.

What about you, Zeke? How do we know

you're not one of those f***ing things?

I don't get high

on my own stash, man.

F*** that, man!

You're taking it.

You're taking it.

Now what the hell's wrong with him?

Nothing's wrong with him,

you a**hole.

He's tweaking.

Let him f***ing tweak!

Tweak. Tweak.

Now you.

Your turn.

Stokely.

I'm not putting that hack drug

up my nose.

- It's so '80s.

- Aliens are taking over the Earth. Weigh it.

- What's in it?

- Mostly caffeine. Some other household sh*t.

Sh*t.

Now you,

Delilah.

No. Her first.

- I'm allergic.

- Yeah, and I'm Portuguese. Who cares?

Is she always this much fun, man?

Sometimes she can be a real b*tch.

You know what I'm saying? You know?

You both take it.

Zeke, I can't.

You know, I can't.

You have to take it.

Showdown.

Del?

Sh*t!

Shoot her. Shoot her

in the head, Casey.

- Stan, I don't know what's happening.

- Shoot her, Casey.

- Don't shoot her, Casey.

- Shoot her, Casey. She's f***ing one of them, man!

There's nowhere to go.

Nowhere to hide.

We're everywhere.

I'll f***ing shoot her.

Sh*t!

Jesus!

Get her!

She's getting away!

- Hurry!

- Sh*t!

I should have known that

crazy b*tch was one of them.

We can get her back, Zeke.

We can get them all back.

She destroyed most of my supply.

Look, if we kill the queen,

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