The Falls Page #7

so that you can have some of

those experiences and you

could sit at this table one

day and talk about them.

But dad, I did do

my missionary work

and I did have some

of those experiences

and I-I truly did enjoy it.

I know you did, son.

It's just...

It's just...

Dang it, Ricky!

You're a winner, a champion.

Now you chose to do

your missionary work

and that's very respectable

but, son, you've got some

hard choices to make.

Choices that are

gonna affect your future.

It's gonna be

hard on all of us.

It's gonna be

hard on all of us.

Ricky, this town and the church

know everything about you.

You think they're not gonna find

out what happened in Oregon?

I know they will.

So what are you gonna do?

Nothing.

I'm gonna let people's

imagination run rampant.

Why would you do that?

I don't owe anybody

an explanation.

You're my son and I love

you first and foremost

but I cannot stand

by you on this.

Your family can't stand by you.

So what are you gonna do?

Will you at least try to

keep your focus and maintain

your standing in the church?

Will you?

I don't see how I can.

I don't think the

church helps the members,

I don't think the

church helps the members,

have empathy for

people like me.

People like you? Ricky!

There's only ever

been speculation.

Speculation?

Dad, I am gay.

I didn't choose this, dad.

It's been in me

for a long time.

I told my beloved

sister what happened.

I didn't think she

should be left in the dark.

She understood.

I told Elise though

she had already known

but wanted to hear for herself.

She was hard to console.

I have a meeting with

the Stake President today.

I will see him before I meet

with the church council.

Have a seat.

RJ, I'd like to start off

with a prayer if that's okay?

Yes, sir.

Dear Heavenly Father,

thank you for getting RJ

here safely and we ask that

you please bless this young

man and guide him through

this rough time in the name

of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Amen.

RJ, I've known you

since you were a child.

RJ, I've known you

since you were a child.

I was at your baptism.

I've watched you grow,

go through high school,

college and I deemed you

worthy of your mission.

If anyone told me that I

would be looking at these

words written on this piece

of paper right here in my

hands ten years ago, I...

RJ, tell me, why are

you here today, son?

To talk about my future

as a member of the.

To talk about my future

as a member of the.

Church Of Jesus Christ

Of Latter-Day Saints.

This is a very serious matter.

You know this.

Yes.

And this could be

grounds for excommunication.

You're aware of that.

Yes.

First off, I'd like for you

to tell me in detail about

the relationship between

you and Elder Merrill.

I'm sorry, I don't-I don't

know if I can talk about this.

You broke a very sacred law.

You're right. I did.

I can't deny that.

Did you want to

go to on a mission?

Of course, I always have.

And you want to serve

even though you knew

this about yourself?

Yes.

I'm not the first gay man

you've sent on a mission

and I won't be the last.

The church doesn't do much

to provide a way for us to.

The church doesn't do much

to provide a way for us to

be honest about it.

As for Elder Merrill,

Elder Merrill and I were

mission companions.

We served our church well.

I cannot speak for him nor

will I go into greater detail

I cannot speak for him nor

will I go into greater detail

other than to say

I have great feelings

for Elder Merrill.

My feelings for him

are greater than for,

uh, any man.

Uh, any man.

And if I acted

upon my emotions,

I don't see any injustice in

my acts nor disgrace in them.

Shame on you and

shame on this church.

Shame on you and

shame on this church.

I was raised to believe I

was a part of something.

My family and friends and

now because of who I am,

I don't get to be that.

I'm excluded from that.

I'm not sorry.

I hope you know that.

I am not sorry.

How did it go?

It went okay.

So?

I told him I don't need to

regain my worthiness and I

don't need to see the

head council either.

What?

Why not?

So, where do I go from here?

Maybe I should just throw

a dart on the map

and see where I end up.

Or, I could just see

where the world takes me.

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