The Family Page #3

All I want is for the truth,

the whole truth, to be told just once,

to say what really happened.

Even ifnobody ever reads these words.

GIOVANNl:

Maggie? Can you get me a coffee?

Maggie, you hear me?

Maggie? You don't hear me calling you?

Drop the Italian Stallion act, will ya?

Honey, I was working.

Might we know what you're doing

on that typewriter?

Yeah, I was, uh, writing.

I'm not buying it, Giovanni,

so save your bullshit for the neighbors.

No, I told you, I was writing.

You can hardly read,

and you're gonna drop a book on us

about the Normandy landings? You

don't even know who Eisenhower was.

Forget the Normandy landings.

That's just a decoy.

I was writing something else.

So share it with us.

What are you writing?

Um...

My memoirs.

I knew it.

Stan thinks it's a good idea.

I think it's a good idea, too, as a cover.

Not for you to actually write

your f***ing memoirs.

Do you realize what a shitstorm

this would land us in?

- I didn't say I was going to publish it.

- I should hope not.

With your photo on the cover?

The one and only Giovanni Manzoni.

Honey, I got to get it out.

It's good for me to write the truth.

You know, even if I'm the only person

that sees it.

I gotta know who I am, you understand?

Not through the eyes of my old life

or the Feds, but through my own eyes.

Honey, I understand, but you could

have come up with something else.

I mean, being an author's wife

isn't exactly glamorous.

It sounds too much like "trophy wife."

You could have consulted me, at least.

You gave me architect

when we were in the south of France.

- Oh, please...

- The whole neighborhood came to me

and asked me to build

swimming pools and pizza ovens.

OK, you know what,

forget about that now.

If you could be a plumber for five

minutes, I would really appreciate it.

The water in the sink

is coming out brown.

Did you call anybody?

I called the guy, made two

appointments, he never showed.

- Where are you going now?

- Working for you.

F***.

- Hi, guys.

Hey, Maggie.

Hmm...

Roasted peppers in olive oil,

just how you like them,

with lots of garlic.

This is really sweet of you, Maggie.

The smell alone takes you back home.

- You have any of that bread left?

- Yeah.

Go on then, what are you waiting for?

You were supposed to be here

at nine in the morning,

you don't show up till about noon.

What's that all about?

Yeah, I know. You're sure this time?

You... OK... no, all right, all right.

No, I'll be here. I'm not going nowhere,

but don't make me wait, please.

Hey, did Stan tell you guys

about the barbecue?

Yeah.

I don't know where Gio

came up with the...

Fred.

- Fred...

I don't know where he came up with

the idea, but he's pretty set on it.

The boss thinks it's a good idea,

help you guys make friends

in the neighborhood.

"Friends"? No swearing, please.

- So good.

- Mm.

If anybody would have told me

I'd be living in the land of cream...

Last night, at the restaurant I ate in,

there was cream in the soup,

the veal and the apple pie.

God, not to mention the butter.

Mamma mia, the butter is even worse.

They put it in everything.

- It's not even natural.

- Sorry?

The human body was not designed

to combat saturated fat like that.

The butter impregnates the tissues,

and then it hardens and settles like silt.

It makes your aorta stiffer

than a hockey stick.

Whereas olive oil...

...caresses your insides,

leaving nothing behind but its scent.

- That's right. Oil's in the Bible.

- Yeah.

Merci.

Why don't you just ask them to hold

the sauce, instead of scraping it off?

We're supposed to assimilate,

remember?

Yeah, but there are limits.

Dad's barbecue can't come fast enough.

At least, we'll get to eat

some decent food for once.

- How was your morning?

- Busy.

- Awesome.

- What do you got for me?

Thanks.

Here, your math homework.

Can I rely on you when the time comes?

You have my word.

I got the report

on your little business, here.

If you give me some time to make

a fake one, your folks will never know.

What do you want in return?

We share the cigarette market 50-50.

Deal?

Ooh... Don't move.

Take one of these just before.

You'll feel like a horse.

You're the man.

- You're a pervert.

- Thanks. What about you?

Well, some girl took

my pink pencil case.

You're joking? Find out who did it?

It took a while,

but eventually I found it.

- You're a maniac.

- Thank you.

Do you know who that is?

Yeah. He's a college student

who's replacing

the Whale while

she's on maternity leave.

He started yesterday.

All the senior skanks are on the case.

So, you'll have your

work cut out for you.

On top of that,

he's obsessive about math.

He's studying for

some really tough exam.

Math geeks are such a pain in the ass.

Why don't you just get a jock instead.

They think less.

What do you notice first about a guy?

His eyes.

The family at number 12,

what are they like?

The mother's a klepto.

She got banned from

the mall in Alenon.

The father, he had a bypass surgery.

Other than that, nothing special.

Except for the kid

being held back in seventh grade.

You think they'll come to the barbecue?

Oh, don't worry,

everybody's gonna be there.

They can't wait to check you guys out.

- It's the weekend's main event.

- What the hell is this? It's good.

Calvados.

- What the f*** is Calvados?

It's good, it keeps you warm.

You get a little...

- It's happened to me before.

- Remember that job in Texas?

Hey... Ramirez, the plumber.

You said five minutes,

that was 45 minutes ago.

You know what we say around here?

Better late than never.

Thank you, excuse me.

Oy-yoy-yoy.

Oh, la-la-la-la.

Look at the state of your pipes.

They must be at least 100 years old.

So, that explains

the color of the water?

- I didn't say that.

- What are you saying, then?

I'm saying it could be the pipes,

but it could be an external issue.

- External?

- Sure. The mains.

But you'd have to take that up

with the mayor's office.

So, what do I do about the pipes now?

- For now? Nothing.

- Yeah.

If it's a money issue,

we could work something out.

Money doesn't solve everything.

But you're lucky if you've got money,

because renovating your plumbing

is gonna cost you an arm, and maybe

a leg, as we say around here.

If not both arms and both legs, right?

So, what do you think I should do?

You call my wife,

you pay 50 percent up front,

and you make a new appointment.

We're a family of plumbers.

My wife keeps the books,

my son's learning the trade

at college in Alenon.

We're a proud family of plumbers.

Father and sons for five generations.

- Congratulations.

- Thank you.

And you, what's your line of work?

Let me show you.

GIO VANNl:
Al Capone always said,

"Asking polite with a gun in your hand

is better than just asking polite. "

Thanks for everything.

Oh, my pleasure.

Hey, would you get me a little ristretto?

Our coffee machine

broke during the move.

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