The Family Fang Page #9

And Dad's camera was destroyed.

There's no footage.

- Yeah.

- The only way they'd know

about this song is through you,

me, Mom or Dad.

"The Vengeful Virgins

recently signed to Light Noise,

"a tiny indie label

based in the northwest.

"Lucas and Linus Baltz of 14,

"self-taught musicians

obsessed with the apocalypse

and still living

in Massachusetts."

[dramatic music]

Why am I so afraid

they're going to kill us?

They're not going

to kill us.

We're just looking

for information.

- Yeah, okay. You ready?

[turns off ignition]

Okay, you're looking

for an address book,

lyric sheet, diary,

anything that's helpful.

Yeah. Got it.

Remember your lines?

I do. I got it.

- Want to run it?

- No, I don't want to run it.

- Hi. Is that Linus?

- Lucas.

- Mmm, Lucas.

- Fifty-fifty shot.

- [sighs]

We're the writers

from "Spin."

"Spin" magazine.

Were you not expecting us?

No.

- Oh, that's weird.

- No?

I'm Janet Day.

This is Pete Sanders.

- I'm Pete.

And we're here to do the

profile on you and your brother

for the magazine.

- Yeah.

We're supposed

to do an interview.

Usually interviews

go through our manager.

- Yeah, we did that.

- Sure.

- Oh, this is...

- Yeah, did nobody call you?

Strange they didn't

give you a heads up.

I mean, anyway,

can we come in?

Because this isn't going

to get it done, so...

Hey, there's Linus.

- Who are they?

- "Spin" magazine.

They want to do a story

about us.

How's it going?

Yeah, you might

even get the cover.

- That's true. That's true.

- So...

Mind if we jump in?

Is that all right?

Just... just start talking,

you know?

What kind of guitar

do you play?

Hey, do you guys mind

if I use your restroom?

It's down the hall.

- Is that down this way?

- Yeah.

Thank you.

Um, I got it from

a catalogue.

Some cheap thing.

We don't care about instruments.

Great. Uh...

What are your influences?

Um, we like speed metal,

I guess.

But we're not good enough

to play it.

We listen to some rap.

Cool.

Great.

And...

Tell me about the song "K.A.P."

Um, what do you

want to know?

[soft orchestral music]

What made you write it?

We just thought people

should kill their parents

if they want to do

anything good with their lives.

It's a stupid song, really.

You didn't write

the song, Lucas.

- Yes, we did.

We wrote it.

No, you didn't.

And I'm going to write

an entire article about it

unless you tell me

who did.

[camera beeps]

- Yeah. Pan down.

- Pan down on my...

- Oh, oh, my God!

- Oh, God, that hurts.

- Are you all right?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Good, good.

Aah!

That's good, that's good.

That's good, that's enough.

Okay...

[grunts and speaks

indistinctly]

Put it... put it on

the steering wheel.

All right.

You didn't write it.

Who taught it to you?

Come on.

Who?

I think you should go.

Where'd you get that song?

Hey, Annie...

Where'd you get the song?

Okay, we didn't

write it.

But it was the first song

we played,

so we put it on the album

because we knew it so well.

- Of course you didn't write it.

You want to know why?

I wrote the song.

- What is this?

They said they were

from "Spin," Mom,

but I don't think they are.

Go play out back, boys.

Miss Delano?

What the f***?

I said go out back.

Where are our parents?

Leave us alone, please.

Just let us

live our lives.

Tell us what you know

about them.

- I can't.

- Why not?

[door opens]

A and B.

I'd like to say I'm surprised,

but I'm not.

I should have known

you'd find me.

Where's Mom?

Uh, she doesn't live here.

Do you?

[grocery bag thuds]

- You pay attention, Caleb.

You've obviously been working on

this for a very long time.

And Baxter and I,

we want to ruin it for you

very badly.

We want it to explode

in your face.

And that is what's going

to happen

unless you tell me exactly

what I want to know.

Didn't I warn you?

- [stammers]

- Shut up!

What the hell is this?

That's our family.

- How long ago was this taken?

Look at this.

Seven years ago.

Bonnie's my wife.

- [gasps]

- Really?

- It's complicated.

- Yeah.

Those boys love Caleb,

so don't you ruin that.

Stop.

He's been a wonderful father

to them.

He goes to baseball games

and concerts.

And you don't need him.

We do.

You can think what you want,

but he dotes on the three of us.

- Stop talking!

[glass shatters]

[breathes heavily]

You take us to Camille.

Yeah, let's go see Camille.

- Yeah.

- Come on, let's go.

You take us to Camille

right now.

- Okay, now give me a rag.

- All right, all right.

- Oh, my God.

- I can't believe

you slashed your arm

like this.

- Ridiculous.

- We needed the blood.

What's Mom's fake name?

Patty Howard.

Does she have

a fake family too?

No.

See, Bonnie inherited

this cabin up north.

Mom's been spending

summers there,

getting to know people

in town

so it wouldn't be suspicious

when she settled there.

So this has been

in the works for a while.

For several years, yes.

We had to be thorough.

Create new identities

we could slip into

when Caleb and Camille died.

We needed

social security numbers,

bank accounts,

tax history.

Otherwise, it wouldn't

have worked.

It didn't work.

[upbeat music]

- Hello, Annie. Baxter.

Hello, Patty.

Here's how this

is going to go.

You're going to answer

a couple of questions,

and then you're going

to do what I tell you next.

Let's start at why?

- The work. Why else?

This was meant to be

our defining work.

An event so large

it would overshadow

everything we'd done before.

But then it became clear

that you no longer saw value

in our work.

We knew we couldn't

trust you with the plan.

We kept it from you.

So you suckered in

Miss Delano instead

to help you?

We didn't sucker in anyone.

She came on willingly

long ago.

Some people appreciate

our work.

He and Bonnie were to live

as husband and wife

in appearance only.

And that worked

for a couple of years.

But things happened.

You're adults.

You know that.

Hold on a second.

You're actually the father

of those boys?

Every piece has its own

complications.

And for what it's worth,

the boys did help

with the cover story.

- Wow. You actually replaced us.

No one replaced anyone.

You didn't want

to work with us.

Why did you put up

with all this?

The art.

Everything we've ever done

is for the art.

No, it wasn't just the art,

Caleb.

You know that.

Everything I do

is out of love for you.

And I made him a promise

after you were born.

He wanted to leave,

and I swore to him.

that if he figured out a way

to be happy and still stay,

then I'd always

do the same for him.

Even sacrifice

your own children?

- Don't say that.

- Come on.

When push came to shove

every time,

you chose him over us.

For God's sake,

you talk like I'm a monster.

We had a good life.

You were happy children.

You forget how fun

those pieces could be.

The thrill of leaping in...

- Oh, give me a break.

No net, not knowing

what was going to happen.

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