The Farmer Takes a Wife Page #4

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CANAL BOAT AND STEER IT?

SURE!

COME ON, SON.

JUST FOR A FEW MOMENTS, MY BOY.

BE VERY:

CAREFUL.

HE'LL BE

ALL RIGHT.

THIS IS MR. BOOTH'S YOUNG SON.

- HOWDY DO, MA'AM.

- PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

- AND HE WANTS TO STEER THE BOAT.

- SURE.

WELL, LAD, ARE YOU GONNA BE A

GREAT ACTOR, TOO, WHEN YOU GROW UP?

YES, SIR. IS THERE ANYTHING

IN THAT PAPER ABOUT MY FATHER?

NO, THIS PAPER COMES

FROM A LONG WAYS OFF-

SPRINGFIELD,

ILLINOIS.

A FELLA GOING EAST ON A PACKE BOAT GAVE IT TO ME THIS MORNING.

- HE COMES FROM THERE. YOU WANT IT?

- YES, SIR.

I LIKE TO READ ABOU POLITICS IN THE NEWSPAPER.

WELL, THERE'S A PIECE

ABOUT POLITICS IN THERE.

MAN OUT WEST DON'T WAN ANY MORE SLAVE STATES.

THERE'S

HIS PICTURE.

LET'S SEE. WHAT'S HIS NAME AGAIN?

ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

LINCOLN? ABRAHAM LINCOLN?

I HEARD HIM DELIVER A SPEECH IN

WASHINGTON A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO.

HE WAS A CONGRESSMAN THEN, A GREAT MAN.

- I'VE NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

- WELL, YOU WILL,

BECAUSE UNLESS I MISS MY GUESS, MR.

LINCOLN IS DESTINED TO BE VERY FAMOUS.

I'LL BET HE'LL HEAR ME WHEN I

GROW UP. I'M GONNA BE FAMOUS, TOO.

- WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SON?

- JOHN WILKES BOOTH.

HERE'S THE SARSEY SAL.

HERE'S THE SARSEY SAL,

SAMSON WEAVER'S BOAT.

LET'S TIE UP

HERE.

ALL RIGHT, FORTUNE.

TIE HER UP THERE.

GUESS THERE'S

NOBODY ABOARD,

OR ELSE:

THEY'RE ALL ASLEEP.

SHE'S FAST HERE.

WHOA! WHOA!

WHAT'S THE MATER

WITH YOU?

YOU'RE GONNA PULL THE

WHOLE CANAL OVER HERE.

YOU GOING VISITING

AROUND THE BOATS?

NO, SIR.

I'M TIRED.

I'M GOING

TO BED.

WELL, I THINK I'LL GO OVER TO THE ETNA

HOUSE AND GET ME A COUPLE OF SNORTERS.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, JOTHAM.

DON'T GET INTO ANY FIGHTS,

AND DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH.

THERE AIN' THAT MUCH.

WELL, I'LL BE BACK

FOR BREAKFAS - BEFORE I GO TO BED.

- GOOD NIGHT.

SEE YOU:

IN THE MORNING.

OH, MR. HARROW,

ARE YOU UP YET?

I'VE BEEN UP

HALF AN HOUR.

YOU WANT ONLY ONE SHOE

ON THIS BLACK, DON'T YOU?

I'LL COME UP AND TAKE A LOOK AT IT.

JUST CLEAN OUT THE BACK

ANGLE AND LEAVE THE BARS BE.

- YOU DON'T WANT THE BARS TRIMMED?

- OF COURSE NOT.

OH, MR. BUTTERFIELD ALWAYS

SENDS ME HIS BEST TROTTERS,

AND I TRIM:

THE BARS FOR HIM.

YEAH, BUT THIS AIN' A TROTTER.

WHEN A HORSE IS HAULING

A BOAT OR A PLOW,

YOU GOTTA LET THE HEEL

OF THE HOOF SPREAD.

- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

- I DO.

GOSH, I WAS BORN AND BRED WITH HORSES.

I'VE GOT TO ADMIT YOU'VE

GOT A NICE PAIR HERE.

THEY'D BE MIGHTY FINE ON A FARM.

YOU BE THEY WOULD.

- HELLO, MOLLY!

- HELLO, THERE. HOW ARE YOU?

- WHO IS IT? - IT'S

ME- ELMER OTWAY.

I JUST LEFT JOTHAM

KLORE UP THE ETNA HOUSE.

PUT AWAY MORE LIQUOR LAST NIGH THAN ANY MAN IN THE

HISTORY OF THE WHOLE CANAL.

- IS HE DRUNK?

- WELL, YES AND NO.

BUT YOU OUGHT TO BE

PROUD OF HIM.

HE BROKE:

THE RECORD.

- HELLO, MISS LARKINS.

- HELLO, THERE.

WELL, GOODNESS GRIEF!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, THIS IS

OUR BOAT.

- THIS IS YOUR BOAT?

- YES, MA'AM.

- THAT WE'RE TIED UP TO?

- YES, MA'AM.

WHO WOULD'VE

THOUGHT?

YOU MUST HAVE BEEN ASLEEP

WHEN WE PULLED IN LAST NIGHT.

YES, MA'AM.

I GO TO BED EARLY.

IT'S ON ACCOUNT OF YOU

BEING A FARMER, I SUPPOSE.

I SUPPOSE SO.

WELL, IF YOU'RE GONNA

LIVE LIKE A FARMER,

WHY DO YOU KEEP WORKING ON THE CANAL?

WELL, TO SAVE MONEY AGAIN'

THE DAY WHEN I CAN BUY A FARM.

YOU MEAN AFTER BEING

A MONTH ON THE ERIE,

YOU'RE STILL THINKING

ABOUT BUYING A FARM?

YES, MA'AM.

BY JEEPERS,

THAT MAKES ME MAD!

WELL, IT AIN'T MY RESOLVE

TO MAKE YOU UNHAPPY, MA'AM.

WHY, I OFTEN

THINK ABOUT YOU,

WHERE YOU ARE,

AND WHAT YOU'RE DOING,

AND THIS MORNING WHEN

I SEEN YOUR BOAT THERE,

I...

WELL...

IT GIVE ME:

A START, MA'AM.

I WAS THAT GLAD I WAS

GONNA SEE YOU AGAIN.

HERE'S THE BLACK. YOU CAN HAVE

THE OTHER ONE IN 10 MINUTES.

OH, THANKS.

DID YOU GE A COOK YET?

NO, MA'AM. MR. WEAVER

AND ME TAKES TURNS.

CAN YOU COOK?

I'VE BEEN FRYING

A LOT OF STEAKS.

WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO FIX

SOME BREAKFAST FOR YOU?

NO, I ATE

ALREADY.

- WHAT DID YOU HAVE?

- STEAK.

I GOT UP EARLY:

BECAUSE:

MR. BUTTERFIELD SAYS HE

COULD SEE ME IN ROME AT 9:00.

HE MAY GIVE ME A JOB ON HIS

FARM AT THE FIVE COMBINES.

I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY

YOU DON'T LIKE THE CANAL.

I LIKE:

THE PEOPLE ON IT.

OF COURSE, IT'S NICE NOW

WITH SPRING COMING ON.

OH, IT WAS PRETTY

YESTERDAY MORNING

COMING UP:

FROM LITTLE FALLS.

I SAW THE BIRDS:

GOING NORTH.

DO YOU LIKE:

FLOWERS?

I LIKE 'EM FINE,

MA'AM.

THERE CERTAINLY IS A MESS OF VIOLETS

AND PATTY-CUTTERS THIS SIDE OF ROME.

I HAD THE URGE TO GET OFF AND GET SOME.

YOU OUGHT TO PICK SOME OF THEM

ELDERBERRY BLOSSOMS AND MAKE SOME WINE.

WINE?

FOR A CANALLER?

I GUESS YOU'RE

RIGHT, MA'AM.

GOSH, TAKE MR. WEAVER. HE CAN

CERTAINLY DRINK HARD LIQUOR.

HE CAN DRINK MORE THAN

ANY TWO MEN ON THE CANAL.

EXCEPT ONE.

- YOU NEVER MET MY BOATER.

- NO.

HE CAN DRINK MORE THAN

ANY TWO MEN ON THE CANAL,

PLUS MR. WEAVER.

LOW BRIDGE,

EVERYBODY DOWN:

LOW BRIDGE,

WE'RE COMING TO TOWN

YOU ALWAYS KNOW:

YOUR NEIGHBORS:

YOU ALWAYS KNOW:

YOUR PALS:

IF YOU'VE EVER NAVIGATED

ON THE ERIE CANAL

GOOD MORNING,

MR. KLORE!

THIS IS MR. HARROW, JOTHAM.

WELL, AIN'T YOU GONNA SAY HOW DO YOU-

HE'S THINKING

ABOUT THE FOG.

ONLY THE FIRST PRIZE.

IT WAS WON BY A FEMALE IN BUFFALO.

I COULD HAVE SAID

A BUFFALO FEMALE.

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN

THE SAME THING.

BUT I COULDN'T HAVE SAID

A FEMALE BUFFALO

'CAUSE THAT WOULD HAVE

BEEN SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

YOU'RE INCLINED TO

BE A LITTLE DRUNK, AIN'T YOU?

JUST A SLIGH INCLINATION.

ELMER OTWAY SAYS YOU BUSTED

ALL THE RECORDS FOR DRINKING.

I GO A DOZEN WITNESSES.

THEY COULDN'T BELIEVE THEIR

EYES. THEY WERE DUMBFOUNDED.

HE SAID YOU HAD DRUNK MORE THAN ANYBODY

EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE CANAL.

THAT WAS ONLY:

UP TO 3:
00.

BY 4:
30, THEY WAS ALL WILLING

TO INCLUDE THE GREAT LAKES.

WHO'S THAT FELLA?

I JUST INTRODUCED YOU

TO HIM.

- WHAT'S HIS NAME?

- MR. HARROW.

I DON' LIKE HIM.

NOW, YOU DON'T KNOW

MR. HARROW.

YOU GOT TO BE:

POLITE.

IS HE:

A CANALLER?

HE WORKS ON:

SAMSON WEAVER'S BOAT.

GO ON NOW 'CAUSE YOU

GOT TO GET SOME SLEEP.

OH, SO THAT'S WHY YOU MADE

ME TIE UP HERE LAST NIGHT.

YOU SAID THAT'S

SAMSON WEAVER'S BOAT.

DON'T PAY

NO NOTICE TO HIM.

- DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT?

- NO.

GO ON NOW, JOTHAM, AND GO

AND GET YOUR LAST DRINK.

I HATE:

A LIAR.

THE RECORD'S SORT OF GONE TO HIS HEAD.

WHY'D YOU KEEP HER FROM

COOKING MY BREAKFAST?

I AIN' STOPPED HER.

GET ON:

THAT BOAT.

DON'T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT.

MAYBE THE TIME HAS COME FOR

ME TO GIVE YOU A GOOD LICKIN'.

THAT TIME AIN'T NEVER GONNA COME, KLORE,

AND DON'T YOU

FORGET IT.

I'M SICK AND TIRED

OF HUMORING YOU.

NOW, YOU GET ON THAT BOA AND GET YOUR BREAKFAST!

DANGED IF I:

LIKED THAT.

DID YOU KNOW IT WAS OUR BOAT LAST NIGHT?

THAT AIN' THE POINT.

WHEN A LADY SAYS A THING, A

GENTLEMAN'S GOT TO BELIEVE HER.

IT WAS HIS GOING OUT OF

HIS WAY TO BE SO MEAN.

IT AIN'T THAT I BLAME

HIM WHEN HE GETS MAD

'CAUSE I GET MAD,

TOO!

ARE YOU MAD NOW?

BY JEEPERS,

I'M GETTING TO BE.

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