The Fault in Our Stars Page #19

LIDEWIJ:

Please. I am sorry. Come in.

Hazel and Gus share one more awkward glance before Gus takes

a step. Hazel follows. They walk:

INT VAN HOUTEN'S HOME - SAME

Lidewij leads Gus and Hazel into a living room so sterile

it's creepy. The walls are empty and white, there's a single

couch, a small ottoman, and a single lounge chair. That's it.

Van Houten sits in the chair.

Off to the side are two large black garbage bags, full and

twist-tied.

HAZEL:

Trash?

72.

LIDEWIJ:

Fan mail. 18 years worth. He never

opens it.

Van Houten kicks his feet up on the ottoman and crosses his

slippers. He motions for them to sit on the couch.

VAN HOUTEN:

Yours are the first missives to

which I've replied and look where

that got me.

Hazel and Gus take their seats.

VAN HOUTEN:

Scotch?

HAZEL:

Um, no thanks.

VAN HOUTEN:

Augustus Waters?

GUS:

It's 11am.

VAN HOUTEN:

Just me then, Lidewij. Scotch and

soda.

LIDEWIJ:

Perhaps some breakfast first Peter?

VAN HOUTEN:

She thinks I have a drinking

problem.

LIDEWIJ:

I also think the Earth is round.

Nevertheless, Lidewij pours Peter half a glass and hands it

to him. He takes a sip, then sits up straight.

VAN HOUTEN:

So you like my book.

HAZEL:

Yes. We - well, Augustus, he made

meeting you his Wish so that we

could come here and talk to you.

Van Houten says nothing. Takes a long pull on his drink.

VAN HOUTEN:

Did you dress like her on purpose?

HAZEL:

(looks at her shirt)

Kinda.

73.

Van Houten says nothing to that.

VAN HOUTEN:

I do not have a drinking problem. I

have a Churchillian relationship

with alcohol:
I can crack jokes and

govern England and do anything I

want to do. Except not drink.

He glances over at Lidewij, who dutifully refills his glass.

GUS:

Incidentally, thank you for dinner

last night.

VAN HOUTEN:

(TO LIDEWIJ)

We bought them dinner last night?

LIDEWIJ:

It was our pleasure.

VAN HOUTEN:

(SIGHS)

You've come a long way so... what

is it I can do for you?

HAZEL:

We have some questions --

VAN HOUTEN:

Uh-huh...

HAZEL:

About what happens, you know...

after... the end of your book.

Specifically to those who Anna

leaves behind. Like her Mom, the

Dutch Tulip Man, Sisy --

VAN HOUTEN:

(INTERRUPTING)

How familiar are you with Swedish

hip-hop?

Hazel looks at Gus. Is he kidding?

HAZEL:

I would say... limited?

VAN HOUTEN:

But presumably you know Afasi Och

Filthy's seminal album "Flacken."

GUS:

Um...

VAN HOUTEN:

Lidewij! Play `Bomfalleralla'

immediately.

74.

Lidewij sighs but she does as she's told. A few seconds

later, some loud Swedish rap song blasts from the speakers.

Hazel and Gus sit through this, totally baffled.

HAZEL:

(yelling over the music)

I'm sorry, sir. We don't speak

Swedish.

VAN HOUTEN:

(YELLING)

Who the hell speaks Swedish? The

important thing is not what

nonsense the voices are saying, but

what the voices are feeling.

The song continues another awkward ten seconds or so before

Gus has enough. He gets up and turns off the music.

GUS:

Are you messing with us?

VAN HOUTEN:

Pardon?

GUS:

Is this some kind of performance?

VAN HOUTEN:

Rudolf Otto said that if you had

not encountered the numinous then

his work was not for you. And I say

to you, my friends, if you cannot

hear Afasi Och Filthy's bravadic

response to fearfulness, then my

work is not for you.

Hazel is really getting worried at this point. They came all

this way for this?

HAZEL:

So anyway... when the book ends,

Anna's mom --

VAN HOUTEN:

(raising a hand to silence

HER)

Let us imagine that you are racing

a tortoise.

Hazel and Gus fidget in their seats. Lidewij frowns, clearly

feeling bad for them. Van Houten continues.

VAN HOUTEN:

The tortoise has a ten yard head

start. In the time it takes you to

run ten yards, the tortoise has

moved maybe one yard. And so on,

forever.

(MORE)

75.

VAN HOUTEN (CONT'D)

You are faster than the tortoise

but you can never catch him, you

see, you can only decrease his

lead. Now certainly you can run

past the tortoise as long as you

don't contemplate the mechanics

involved but the question of how

turns out to be so complicated that

no one really solved it until

Cantor's proof that some infinities

are bigger than other infinities.

Hazel and Gus have no idea how to respond.

VAN HOUTEN:

I assume that answers your

questions.

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