The Feels

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1

Um, yeah, so I got

an early start.

I was 10 years old.

We had just moved

into this new house.

I was really excited

because it had two stories,

instead of one story.

I thought that meant

we made it.

And so we also had a staircase,

which had a banister,

and like how great

would it be

to like just slide

down the banister.

I realized that it was

really, really great.

What was even better was, like,

once you slid down

to the bottom,

inching your way back up

the top was really good.

Many followed

with multiple partners,

but I never had multiples

until I met Lu.

Sex with her was just

so amazing

in this way

that wasn't just physical.

But then just to be

so surprised

that my body could like

have the capacity

for this thing that I thought

I'm a total pro at.

Well, I mean, there were,

I guess, powers unleashed within

that I did not

even know I had.

[chuckles]

And I don't even really know

what it is about Lu

that just...

I guess I just like her.

[chuckles]

I mean, I love her.

We know that.

I also just really like her.

Hey!

Catch up!

Mm-hmm.

[Andi] Come on,

we're almost there.

You made it.

[panting]

Hi.

- Hello.

- Hello.

You were getting a little slow

back there.

- Ha ha ha.

- Yeah, you got to catch up.

Gonna be horsin' around.

I like that stretch.

It's good.

I'm really excited

about the weekend.

Yes, yes.

All right,

so we've got to pack.

Gotta get chargers.

You gotta pee?

I gotta pee.

- I gotta pee?

- Really bad, actually.

- Okay.

- Ready?

Come on, catch up!

You're such a dork.

[laughing]

- Okay, I need to slow down.

- Aw, come on!

You got this, girl.

Come on!

[moaning, panting]

Wait, wait.

Oh!

Oh, God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, God! Oh, my... wait!

[laughing]

- Jesus.

- Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

[phone chimes]

If I were a dog,

what kind of dog would I be?

If you say Chinese Crested,

I'm gonna kill you.

Well, hold on then.

Because they're ugly,

and they're Chinese.

Not that there's anything wrong

with being Chinese.

Is Pikachu a dog?

What is that?

- That's like a Pokmon.

- Oh.

[laughs]

Or like it starts with a P.

Percosassy or...

No, that's...

- Pekingese? Oh, God!

- Pekingese.

It just gets even worse!

You know, if you were a dog,

you know what kind you'd be?

- [phone chimes]

- Hold up.

It's Josh.

Yeah. I mean, he got in.

Should be fine.

Yeah, but what is she doing?

Why did she leave?

She's probably stuck in traffic,

or she's like...

I don't know.

She would've texted me then.

This is incredible.

I can't believe it.

Whoo!

- Hello?

- Hi! One sec, one sec!

All right, yeah.

Hi!

- Hi, how are you?

- Hi, Josh!

- Hi!

- So good to see you.

- How was your flight?

- It was so good.

- So good?

- Not really.

- Well, I'm sorry.

- I was in a coffin flying.

I'm starving.

Oh. Are you still on tour?

No, I have four days off.

Four days to be here.

- Yes!

- Four days.

In it to win it.

That's right, baby. Hi.

- Hi. How's Brad?

- Oh...

- Ryan?

- Right! Sorry, sorry, yes.

- I met Ryan at Christmas.

- Christmas, that's right, yeah.

- I don't know. He's fine.

- What's wrong with Ryan?

I don't know.

He's just kind of boring.

He's good at a party.

I like partners like him.

But I'm, like, blehh.

- He's a nice guy.

- You're hilarious.

- Anyway...

- You should break up with him.

It's like so much hassle though

to break up with someone.

Whatever. Let's... what are we?

This house is amazing.

What's new with you?

I can't wait to party with you.

Yeah. We're gonna have

a great time.

- Seeing anyone in LA? No?

- Hello! Hi, guys.

- Hey, I'm Helen.

- Hi!

Need help with your bags?

No, I'm self-sufficianado.

[laughs]

- Don't worry about it.

- Hi, I'm Josh.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, man.

Oh, hey, hugs, hey!

- I'm Helen. Nice to meet you.

- Hi, Helen. Vivien.

You were hard to find

on social media.

- I tried to look you up.

- Oh, my God.

- I know who you are.

- Karin.

Helen.

Nice to meet you. Cool.

I watched you... Sorry,

I'm a little excited.

I watch your YouTube videos.

Yeah, I love it. I loved it.

Hey, do you auto-tune?

I've been dying to ask you,

and it's been on my mind

for the whole drive.

You're so sweet.

No. Oh, my God, no.

Dude, that pool out there

is crazy sick.

Right by the kitchen!

[laughter]

Hell yeah. I'm gonna be

making some sandwiches,

getting right back

in that water.

- That sounds good.

- 30 minutes, I think.

No, you don't have

to wait 30 minutes.

Oh, it's okay.

So I see groceries, but what

are we doing this weekend?

So, yes, we're gonna

put all these groceries away

and unpack our clothes

and hose off,

and then we're gonna go out

to a nice restaurant.

- Hope it's to your standards.

- It will be.

Then we're gonna go just

booze it up and drink,

and then I think we're

staying in tomorrow night.

I'm cooking, if you guys are

ready for some sandwiches.

- I'm just kidding.

- [laughter]

Chef joke.

That's cute.

- It's gonna be good.

- Let's have a drink.

- Yeah!

- Let's do it.

Right now.

Let's do it, guys.

So I'm going out

every weekend

Just to see my boo again

At night

I think of you

I want to be

your lady, baby

If your game is on,

give me a call, boo

If your lovin's strong,

gonna give my all to you

I only listen to your music

because I don't

have time to seek.

I don't even care anymore.

I'm too old.

- Just press a dial.

- I gotta send you some stuff.

It's not really a compliment.

I just don't have time.

Oh, thanks.

That's why I love you!

"I don't have time,"

you wanna know.

I love your music.

- See?

- I didn't say I didn't love it.

I said I listen to it.

- Thank you, regular.

- Thanks.

Everybody in the kitchen

was like, "You gotta ask this."

And I was like, "I will."

When you play live...

I'm being for real,

when you play live,

do you play to a click track

or like a live recording?

- Or is it like pre-recorded?

- Wait, I have a question.

Who was asking you?

- Hi!

- [applause]

[shouting and cheering]

You!

- Yay!

- Hi!

Hi! Great to see you!

Good to see you, Josh!

- Hi!

- Did you get younger?

Hey! Thank you so much

for coming.

- It makes me happy.

- I wouldn't have missed it.

How's Flaccid Dick?

- Someone's getting married

- [Lu shouts]

Hi! Yay!

- Hello!

- Did you have a good drive?

- Yes, fine.

- You didn't get lonely?

- Oh, I got so lonely.

- I know. You're always lonely.

I was like bored, lonely.

And did you decorate okay?

I mean, I think it looks okay.

What do you think?

- This is good!

- Yeah?

Wait a second.

You guys!

Um, what's the situation?

Is this part of the decor

that you thought I would like?

Well, this was Nikki's idea.

- Oh, this is a Nikki thing.

- Yes, yes.

She's coming.

Nikki will be here.

So, guys, per Nikki's rules,

those pictures

that you sent me,

I have drawn them

on the banner,

and Andi and Lu

are going to feel everybody's

b*obs during the game,

and based off the numbers

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