The Feels Page #8

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speak up for yourself

when I don't even know there

are things you want to speak.

That's called being an adult!

It's called

standing up for yourself!

It's called growing

the f*** up!

This is exactly why

I don't tell you anything.

[sighs]

[Josh] It all tastes, you

know, eye-squinty to me.

When you drink it,

do your eyes squint?

- It makes my eyes squint.

- Because you don't like it?

[Josh]

Yeah.

- Who was that?

- It's Lu.

She just left?

She leave something

in the car?

I don't think she left

something in the car.

- Babe?

- [knocking]

You okay?

Can you just give me

a minute?

[somber]

Hey.

Nikki, I don't know

if this is gonna work out.

She told me to grow up

and like learn

how to stick up for myself

or say what I need.

So I just ran away

like a f***ing...

dork.

[sighs]

I mean, maybe...

maybe she's not the one.

But I think maybe you

shouldn't get married.

I don't know.

I can't answer that

for you.

But I know she loves you.

[whimpers]

And she's right.

You need to...

Don't take this the wrong way.

She's right.

You need to be able

to tell her what you need.

I can't talk to her.

I don't know.

Or to anybody, really, I guess.

It takes so much to just...

like I have to like

puff myself up,

and then it just feels like

I'm being lame or something.

Like, why can't I just let

everything roll off my back?

Or, I don't know,

I just wanted there to be no...

- Drama?

- Yeah.

I just like everything

to be chill.

With Adam, you know, I...

I cheated on him

with this guy

that didn't mean anything

to me because...

What?

Yeah, I mean, he...

Not Josh.

No, I mean,

the reason why we separated

is because I was

with this other guy.

- Nikki.

- Yeah, I know, I know.

Just listen.

Um...

He came on to me

really strongly

and was giving me

this attention

that I hadn't got from Adam

in a long time.

And instead of asking him

for more

and telling him

what I wanted,

what I needed from him, I...

I went and...

now I've lost Adam,

and that's, you know...

And I just don't want that

to happen to you.

I want you to be

with the person that you love

and be able to get

the things that you want

and that you need from them.

Don't be a f***-up like me.

[laughs]

- That's the goal.

- [laughs]

Yeah.

You want some space?

You want me to stay?

No, go ahead. I...

I need some more

running water sounds in my life.

You mean like a Zen meditation

retreat in the woods.

I might need one of those

little plug-in things

that you can get

at the airport.

Okay.

Um, so I was pretty young

when I found out about orgasms.

We didn't call them that,

though.

My friends and I,

we were 8,

and we'd call it

"getting the feeling."

Around like the same time,

I was also 8 and, um...

And you...

you don't want to admit that

that f***ed you up,

and you don't wanna...

you don't wanna be affected.

You want to be stronger

than letting it f*** you up.

But in high school,

when all my friends were

hooking up and having sex,

I wasn't.

I came up with

a lot of excuses,

like I'm not pretty,

boys aren't interested,

but the truth is that I was

just really, really scared.

And so when I finally

had sex for the first time,

I really hated it,

and it really hurt.

It hurt a lot.

It made me feel like

I was just some vessel

for someone else

to get off on.

It took me

a really long time,

and it wasn't until

I met this guy.

We were a terrible couple.

Really bad.

We would just

get high as f***

and then like have sex

all night long.

But he made me feel

really safe.

He gave me the freedom

to like move against him

in a way that felt

really good for me.

And when I finally came

for the first time,

he like lifted off me

and was like, "Oh, my God!

I've never had a girl just

like go for it like that."

And we kinda laughed,

but he thought it was

really, really hot.

And that made me feel

even safer.

Definitely the worst

relationship ever,

but it gave me...

It just... I learned more about

myself and how to be me.

[sighs]

[fire crackling]

How's Lu?

Not good.

I think we just,

we f***ed the weekend.

Yeah, it wasn't

a bad weekend, per se.

I would just go ahead and say

it was kinda bad.

[laughs]

People were having fun

in the pool.

No, it wasn't all bad.

You're right.

I stayed in the pool

too long.

It just now

seems like it's...

I feel like you guys should

ease up on yourselves a little.

These were their problems,

and actually this is great.

Now they have

to talk about it.

All right, now I feel

totally better.

Good.

You know what? Can I be honest?

I actually had that observation,

but I didn't feel like

it was my place to make it.

You're right. It was not

your place to make it.

I feel great now.

We can get this weekend

back on track.

Yeah, we pushed those problems

right through.

Yeah, now they're just like

face to face.

- You're welcome.

- [laughs]

Happy weekend!

Happy weekend.

Yeah, maybe bad timing,

but I don't know.

It's better than like,

much later, I guess.

They have no idea

what we're talking about.

They're in the zone.

They can't hear me.

[laughing]

I don't know

where the f*** I am.

Hey, babe.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hi.

Well, what did I miss?

I don't know.

Nothing.

How you doing?

Better.

- What?

- Is someone here?

Someone order a pizza?

What? No.

Oh, hey, Doug!

- What's up?

- Hey, somebody invited Doug.

Where are you going?

Listen, um...

I'm very sorry.

I just spent the last

20 minutes up in the room,

thinking about things,

and I don't know

how to fix this.

Um, obviously,

I'm selfish.

I'm a total a**hole.

I don't make you feel safe.

I kind of feel like the real

big problem right now is me.

And so, yeah,

I think that I should go.

No! No!

No, I love you,

you love me.

We're in this together.

You're not going anywhere, okay?

If I can't make you feel good,

why do you even love me?

Shut up! Listen!

I'm talking to you, okay?

We don't need to fix it.

We don't need to fix it

right now.

We're gonna work it out,

okay?

Yes, you're a b*tch, okay?

You're a f***ing b*tch,

and we're gonna

get f***ing married

and have the rest of our lives

to figure this sh*t out.

We're gonna have kids,

and they're gonna have problems,

and we're gonna be there

for them too, okay?

This is just

one speed bump in life,

and we're gonna have

so many more,

and they're gonna be about

more than just orgasms, okay?

And trust, they're gonna be

about... I don't even know!

F***ing, our dog dying,

or I don't know.

- You want us to have a dog?

- We're gonna get a dog!

We're gonna talk

about that, okay?

I really want one,

a medium-sized one, all right?

I promise this is nothing,

and we...

we're it.

Please, just...

I love you so much.

[sobbing]

[laughs]

- I'm so snotty.

- Yeah, you are.

I never saw you

like that before.

Do you like it?

Can you hear me now?

I'm talking!

I'm telling you how I feel!

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