The Female Brain Page #10

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the only team

that wants you. Right?

Oh, okay! Yeah.

A guy who works

with toilets. Cool.

- What'd you just say?

- You work with toilets.

- Say it again that I --

- You work with toile..

[grunts]

- You want to grapple now?

- Yeah, I wanna grapple!

- Let's go.

- Watch my knee.

- You're the worst punk

of all time.

- I will kick that knee.

- And I will..

- Watch my knee.

- Don't do that.

You let go of me.

- I'm gonna..

- You let go of me.

You let go.

- You let go! You let go!

- On three, let go.

- One.

- Two. Three.

- Three.

- Oh, you son of a b*tch.

- I knew you wouldn't

let go.

- That's the..

- I knew it.

- Fight a guy with a --

- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- Hey, stop! Oh, my..

- Okay, are you okay?

Yeah, she's fine.

What the f***, Zoe?

How could you do that

without asking me?

It was, it was supposed

to be a surprise!

- Well, you should have

let me finish it myself!

- Well, he..

- Yeah.

- What do you mean "Yeah?"

You can't..

Here's the, here's the

rest of it. I'm sorry.

We're all good, I am sorry

for the confusion.

- We're good.

- Alright.

- Bye! Bye-bye.

- Bye. Hey..

- Get a bigger shirt.

- Yeah, get a bigger body.

- It's a two XL.

- Stop!

- I'll listen to her.

Okay?

- Oh, that's clever.

A guy who spends 90%

of his time

in the bathroom.

Hey, stop!

What are you doing?

- What are you,

what are you doing?

- Are you insane?

- Why are you home?

It's noon.

- Because I quit my job!

- Wha.. How?

- Tha.. Uh, that..

I'm coming here to tell

you how, right now!

But I have to walk in

to this. Here. Look!

- I was..

- I quit my com..

I quit my job!

And I'm starting

my company!

I'm..

I'm starting my company.

And I want you

to be...my investor, okay?

But first

there's this contract.

Basically says

that I have to..

- Don't touch it.

Don't touch it, please!

- Okay.

I have to pay you back

every cent

within three years or else

or else you own

the whole thing.

And I set myself on fire.

- You know you don't

have to pay me back.

- No, I do, okay? I do.

I'm putting my pride aside

and I'm asking

for your help.

And that's really,

really hard for me.

So, I need you

to let me pay you back

which is really,

really hard for you.

Okay, well, how much

do you need?

I'm not sure yet.

Actually, I already raised

a lot of money online

by myself.

With your clothes on or..

You know, I was thinking,

you know.

Now that we have

this time off

maybe you could,

I don't know..

- Get me pregnant?

- Oh, really?

Yeah, because in a year,

like, I might be

a business mogul.

Like, I might have

a book deal.

I'm gonna -- I'm gonna

have surrogates

having kids for me.

Oh, okay, well, yeah,

I can, I can

get you pregnant.

Oh, you're a professional

athlete. I have no doubt.

- Oh, I'm gonna get

you pregnant so hard.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah. Okay, no.

Not good for the knee.

- Oh, okay.

- My knee hurts.

- Oh, okay, fine,

I'll get on top.

- That's best for my knee.

- Because I do everything

around here.

- Oh, that's better.

That's so much better.

- Is this okay?

- Thank you.

- You -- you're good?

- Am I crushing you?

- Yeah, I'm good.

No, no, no.

- You're good.

- That's my

worst nightmare.

- You know that.

- No, it's just the,

the brace. It's not..

It's not..

I can still do this.

Don't think --

I feel like

I'm gonna break you.

You're not going

to break me. I'm 250..

I'm not a plumber!

- What?

- Oh, my God.

I'm a carpenter.

Like Jesus. Okay?

Someone who

you'll never meet.

What does that..

[indistinct chatter]

[gasping]

- Lindsay!

- Oh, hi, Lisa!

- Thank you for coming!

- Oh!

I've never been

to a divorce party before.

This is super fun!

So what happened?

He cheated?

Who would cheat on you?

What a monster.

- Is he gay?

- No. No. No.

Nothing like that.

Oh, hey,

you can tell me, okay?

Oh, I'm telling you,

we just realized

it run its course and

we wanted to have a party

because divorce

doesn't have to suck,

you know.

Right. So it was

an online affair?

- Yeah, sure.

- I knew it.

I'm really, really sorry.

- Oh, speak of the devil.

- Mm.

Hey, good to see you.

- Hey!

- Hey, baby.

Sorry, I'm late,

but you took the car.

Nobody believes me that

you didn't cheat on me.

I don't know how

to take it, as an insult

to you or to me.

What? Haters. That's all

they are, is haters.

What the hell

are you wearing?

This is my singles shirt.

Yeah, I know,

and I threw that thing out

like three years ago.

But I take out the trash

so now it's back

live in effect.

But you.. My God,

you looking good

in them heels.

Divorced a week

and you're already out

hitting them streets.

Yeah, but I haven't worn

high heels

like in ten years

and they're killing me.

Maybe we should

get back together?

Sorry. I've already got

my own debit card.

- Uh?

- And I'm about to ball.

Well, w -- why then,

why don't you go and ball

with Rebecca, right there,

she's there.

Why would I go

talk to her?

Please. You've always had

a crush on her.

Oh, no. No, I haven't!

Why would you think that?

Listen, we're not

together anymore,

you can be honest with me.

Okay, she is fine as hell.

Okay, go.

Go talk to her.

Okay. Now -- now

what do I do again?

- You just ask her

something about herself.

- Okay.

And don't do that,

that thing you do

with your..

Licking your teeth,

or something weird.

- You liked that.

- No, I didn't.

- You did.

- Shh!

Hey! Rebecca.

What's up, baby?

Boy, you look slammin'.

People don't say slammin'

no more, do they?

[chuckles]

Well, it was nice

seeing you.

Oh, I -- I just got

a debit card

if you ever wanna

go out...shopping.

I could buy you

another flesh tone purse.

No?

I'm very bad at romance.

But I'm good at f***in'.

[cell phone vibrates]

[instrumental music]

Hi.

H.. Hi.

Uh, why are you

being a penis?

Uh..

You know, I've, uh,

I've just been busy. So..

You know, uh,

that's what I say

to girls when

I don't want to date them.

Okay, can we talk

about this later?

I say that too.

Um, Julia?

Why are you

f***ing this up?

Okay.

So, what's happening is,

y -- you're pissed.

Totally get it.

You're having

something called

dopamine withdrawal.

It's when you have a lot

of dopamine flood --

You have no idea

what I'm having

'cause you don't know me.

Uh, um..

The thing is I actually

kind of do.

I saw..

- I saw your brain scans.

- Hmm.

And your behavior..

...it's almost 100 percent

antithetical to them.

So what's probably

happening is that you need

a conquest for

your testosterone

or your ego,

or something.

It's basically

like wanting

what you can't have.

It doesn't matter.

Uh, the point is

that I'm fine.

You don't have to pretend

that you want something

real with me.

- It's tot --

- Oh, I'm not pretending.

Oh, oh, oh.

If I may? It's just that

your neurology disagrees.

- Um..

- How's that?

So, you..

You did not have empathy

for a...a kitten. So..

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