The Female Brain Page #2

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Hey? Zoe?

And here is Zoe and Greg.

They've been together

a year, married a year.

Babe.

Just because you scored

33 points last night

doesn't mean

I'm getting back

in that bed with you.

You know it's really

not that impressive.

I put a ball in a hoop.

I play a sport invented

for children.

Hey, I have to go to work.

And you have to

ice your balls

or whatever

you do all day.

Yeah, why do you

work again?

I'm a professional

athlete.

Technically

I could support both of us

and like 20 other people.

Well, because this isn't

the 1800s, okay?

I contribute to society.

I'm my own person

with your last name.

Which you..

What are you..

Just give that to me.

Are you okay?

You're doing that thing

where you give me

your stuff to do

and don't actually

let me do it.

I'm sorry.

It's just work.

When humans are

under stress, the brain

releases cortisol

a chemical involved

in the response.flight

But female brains

can reduce the secretion

of cortisol

by organizing things

and getting obsessed

with details

which allow her

to feel in control.

Now, a couple

thousand years ago

this behavior was useful

but today it probably

just seems like

we're solving problems

that don't exist.

Why don't you quit

already?

You could retire,

be a basketball wife.

- Oh.

- You could start

a jewelry line.

Be on VH1.

Oh, yeah, or I could not

set women back 60 years

and could work hard

for another year or so.

Start my own company,

and like..

...maybe I could even

give you a job.

'Cause like how much longer

can you do this, you know.

Will you please

just let me write you

a check for that?

I'm not taking your money.

You know that. Okay?

I'm not going to be

a stereotype.

No one thinks

you're a gold digger.

Gold diggers

don't wake up at 6 a.m.

or carry briefcases.

- I love you.

- I love you too.

Oh! Hey, Dave!

Come on in!

Don't get up, man!

I need you to rest!

I'm sorry.

I thought I was..

I thought I was

unlocking the door.

I've got 50 bucks on you

scoring 20 points tonight!

My man.

- You -- you bet on me?

- Oh, absolutely.

You think I can pay

my bills with this

shitty job?

Window -- windows

look good, man, you..

So clean!

Birds hit 'em

all the time.

They think it, they think

it's just air.

That's how good you are..

He can't hear me.

That's stupid.

Julia, did you know

we've been going

since 7 a.m.

and it's now 3 p.m.?

No. No.

Do you need a coffee

or something?

No, thanks.

Okay, so in this test

the females

were much better

at identifying fear

and sadness

on people's faces,

like, much more.

Yes, and males were better

at identifying anger.

We know that.

Got it.

Noted. Smoothie?

- This disparity is crazy.

- Berry Blast?

You know, I think

we should administer

the test again.

Next week.

Just to make sure

that this is alright.

'Cause something's wrong.

- I'll schedule it now.

- No, please.

Please, can we take a break?

Please?

I can't understand

how you're not hungry

because I'm..

I physically can't see.

What do you mean?

I've already had

breakfast and lunch.

That weird grey drink

is food?

Oh, yeah. That's Soylent.

It's, um..

It's basically

a complete meal

replacement.

That way I don't have

to go to

the grocery store

and buy food and put it

in a bag and unwrap it

and chew it.

I mean, who has time

for that?

Everyone has time

for that.

- That can't be healthy.

- Huh?

- Mmh? What?

- It's got every vitamin

and mineral you need.

Okay. How about

we take a walk?

Get a little vitamin D,

you know?

Julia, not all of us

are robots!

Hey, don't manipulate me

with children.

You're a girl,

you should be better

at identifying sadness

on people's faces,

according to your study.

- Fine. Fifteen minutes.

- Yeah!

I heard "Fine,"

that's what I heard!

Come on! You're no fun.

Just tell me.

So what's your deal anyway?

Are you dating someone?

- Abby, that's not work talk.

- Okay.

In one of your studies

you concluded

that females

are more productive

when they bond

because it reduces cortisol.

I don't date,

I refuse to be

a puppet

of my neurochemicals.

So you've never been

in love?

You know, our brains

are designed to trick us

into that kind of thing

and I'm not falling for it.

- So, do you --

- Of course.

Were you gonna say

masturbate?

No, I was gonna say

get sad

but maybe for you

those go hand in hand.

Yeah, I get everything

I need.

I get oxytocin

from my dog.

I get serotonin

from hanging out

with my friends.

I get endorphins

from the gym.

Productivity

and cooperation

makes dopamine

and I get that from work,

so I have everything

I need.

I am a complete

emotional equilibrium.

Whoa! That's like

a total life hack.

Mm-hm.

Knowing your brain's

primordial neurology

is very liberating.

It -- it makes life

so much easier.

I don't have to sit around

and worry about

if a guy likes me

and wonder

what his motives are

and -- and get

all insecure.

And -- and, like, reread

a text fifty times.

- It's the worst.

- It's insane.

- Yeah.

- So, I know how

the brain works.

So this whole

being a girl thing..

I beat it.

Okay, good talk.

You know the sun

causes cancer.

It's not normal.

Alright, people.

So, the campaign

is unlimited data.

And we all know

that nobody likes

unlimited data more..

Than the ladies.

- That is correct.

- Sorry.

Wh -- why are we saying

"The ladies?"

Zoe, come on, every girl

I know texts me

like ten times more

than I text her.

It's like,

and it's not,

and it's not just

like, girls I'm dating,

it's like my mom.

Does -- does it,

does it have

to be gender specific?

Yeah. That's what

the client asked for.

Like, they said

focus on women.

Great. Cool. Okay. Yeah.

Alright, I'll pitch first.

Get ready

to write this down.

It's gonna be hot.

How about, girl

looking down at her phone

texting and it says, um

"For every text

he sends you

send him 40 in return?"

- Unlimited data.

- That's good.

Good, right?

Alright, good.

Write it down.

Don't worry, be texty.

That's...hilarious.

I didn't say

write it down.

What if, um, what if

we did some..

What if tried to focus

more on connection?

Mmm.

Well, you know,

because with this plan

you can talk longer.

You can FaceTime longer.

You -- you can

send more pictures.

Um..

It's not

write-it-down level

but like, uh,

I know you've got more.

Yeah.

In prehistoric times,

females were

much more vulnerable.

And the ones with strong

social connections

had a higher

survival rate.

Whereas, for males,

survival depended on

aggression

and competition.

This could explain

why in meetings

women tend to

avoid conflict

and seek consensus.

Uh...no.

- Are you sure?

- No, I think..

I think I was just, uh..

I took it..

I was going

in a different direction.

I wasn't ready.

I think.

I wasn't ready.

- You know, nothing works

in this house.

- What?

Are you even on Facebook

in the first place?

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