The Female Brain Page #6

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Whoa!

Slow down, long legs.

Oh, well, I mean,

I'll just, I'll meet you

at the car.

You're, uh, drive is, uh..

- Don't do that.

- What?

Wha.. I know, I can,

I can open my own door.

Let me get the door.

You don't have to do

stuff like that for me.

Don't touch my car.

- Okay, this is

ridiculous.

- Okay, look..

Alright, cool.

You go on the date.

I'll stay here.

You come back.

Be back by 10:
00.

Tell me how it went.

Have fun.

Fine.

You can open the door.

Milady.

Ah, jeez. It's stuck.

- What?

- Hold on, let's..

- What's happening?

- It's stuck.

- What?

- Hold on. I got it.

- I gotta, uh..

- What?

Can, you gotta pull

while I push.

Uh, am I, am I allowed

to touch your car?

- Yes, please.

- Can I touch the handle?

- Please, if you could.

- I can open the door?

- Yeah. This time.

- Okay.

Okay. What am I doing?

Okay!

- You're pulling,

I'm pushing.

- Okay.

That hit.. Alright.

Close it quietly.

There's a..

What, how did I..

It doesn't..

- It also doesn't close.

- It does.

You gotta pull it.

- Okay. It's stuck.

- Okay. Jeez.

- You got it. Okay.

- Okay.

[engine revving]

Hey! I was

just gonna call..

F*** you!

Oh, my God.

What's the matter?

I think it looks

really nice.

Adam?

- Adam?

- Look at me.

- It's okay.

- How's it look?

You like this look?

You know, i -- initially

I got a bit of a shock.

You're in shock?

- Yeah.

- I'm kind of used

to it now.

I look like Janet

from "Three's Company."

I know, you don't know,

you don't know

you don't see that show,

you don't get it

over there.

Hey, Adam, you don't look

like a woman.

How's it feel to be

dating a magician?

You wanna see

a magic trick?

F*** you.

I'm sorry, okay?

I told you. I told you

this was a terrible idea.

Why would you want me

to look like this?

- You know what I think?

- Shave it?

If they'd just taken

a teeny-weeny

bit off the top..

...make a huge difference.

And we can do

that right now.

- It would be

totally fine.

- No, this is --

- Let's give it

a little snip.

- No!

No, no, no, no.

You're not cutting.

You're not cutting.

You're not straightening.

Nothing, okay?

Nothing!

Babe, I'm just

tryin' to help.

- Don't try to help.

- Okay.

Okay, 'cause when you try

and help, your boyfriend

comes home looking like

a f***ing Astro Boy.

- So don't try and help.

- Okay.

Lexi, I'm gonna tell you

what's gonna happen.

- Okay? Are you listening?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna go upstairs.

I'm gonna take a shower,

I'm gonna wash

this f***ing

Brazilian poison

out of my hair.

And I'm gonna get

my birth hair back.

The hair that God knew

matched my face.

F***!

[upbeat music]

Well..

Okay, this one

tastes like wine.

Mm. Okay.

This one tastes

like wine too, can we go?

No! We're stayin'.

I don't wanna

waste our Groupon.

Why can't we just go

drink vodka

in the garage,

like normal people?

'Cause this is sexy,

we're doing..

...sexy fun things

so that we're not

like an old

married couple.

So me driving us home

drunk is sexy to you?

Can you take this

seriously, please?

Fine.

Oh, you're never

gonna guess

what this one

tastes like.

- Like what?

- Old-ass grapes.

I'm just kidding.

It tastes like piss.

[shushing]

[instrumental music]

Okay. We're really..

We're really going

to a silent movie?

- For real?

- Shh!

[sighs]

What flavor diabetes

you want?

I don't.. I'm good.

Thank you.

She'll have eight

hot dogs, no bun.

A pack of Red Vines.

And, uh,

Fruity Things, please?

- No hot dogs.

- No hot dogs.

- I'm teasing.

- No, please.

You know, I can't wait

to do this

with my own kids?

I want eleven kids.

I'm.. I'm..

- That doesn't work on me.

- Oh, that's right.

You're not a girl.

I forgot.

Uh, so, uh, question?

Why, why are you

doing my study?

I mean, it's obviously

not for the money.

You better believe

it's for the money.

I -- I'm, I'm paying

for this

with cold hard cash.

Okay, oh!

I'm sorry.

That was disrespectful.

Seriously, why are you

even in my study?

I don't know, like,

if it only pays

like nothing?

Oh, my uncle,

he was the head

of the social science

department

in my college

and he said, you know,

"Regular people, they

never take the studies."

- So..

- That's true.

When I have the free time,

uh, yeah. I sign up.

I know. I'm the best.

Okay, I get it.

You're charming.

I get it.

I'll see you in there.

Oh, uh..

I'm sorry.

We're not,

we're not together.

Thank you.

Agnes, you're the most

beautiful woman

in the whole wide world.

Would you stop it, please?

I'm not gonna say..

Come on! Just try it!

- It's not

a scientific project.

- You're silly.

I can't do

an old timey movie voice.

Grow up!

Come on. Be a person.

[chuckles]

- I love you.

- Why does yours

have emphysema?

[chuckles]

Look at him!

Oh, man.

Let's run away together.

Oh, but I'm wearing

40 pounds of bloomers.

So I can hardly walk,

much less run.

- Why is your voice

deeper than mine?

- I don't know.

I don't know, I'm just..

That's how it was

back then.

Then we'll stay here

and have offspring.

Good luck raising them

since I'll die

in childbirth.

[chuckling]

[instrumental music]

[chuckles]

What did your MRI say?

I found a slight tear

in the meniscus.

But it feels good.

Well, you wouldn't

necessarily feel it.

So the healing isn't

ahead of schedule

but it is on schedule?

Correct.

You're on track.

Alright. Thanks.

Mm-hmm.. Sure.

Zoe! Where are you?

Hello?

[moaning]

Oh, my..

- Oh, no! No!

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God!

- No! Oh, God, no!

- Greg!

- What are you doing?

Don't look! Nothing!

Look, this not..

You should not be here.

- No! This is.. No!

- What are you doing?

- Get out!

- What are you even

jerking off to?

Excuse me.

Don't say that.

No, don't -- don't

look at that.

- Cheerleader?

A little on the nose,

don't you think?

That is the, like,

the first thing

that comes up.

That's not the first thing

that comes up.

- I would know.

- Wha..

- Are you bragging?

- How often do you

do this?

That's, uh, that's

none of your business.

It's literally

all of my business.

But let's do this.

Do.. What?

What are you doing?

- What do you..

- What are you..

- Don't you..

- You were saying,

"Let's do.."

- You're talking..

- Yeah, you..

You're talking to me

like a sportsman?

Don't you wanna

have sex?

- Don't. Oh, God, no!

- What?

Why not?

You're all ready to go.

You've got

your good dress on.

My dress?

This is a robe!

- We..

- Do you think

this is a dress?

A dress is a robe

with a little sash.

- It's the same thing.

- No, it's not. It's..

So you just want to

do this by yourself?

No! But I'm not doing..

Greg! Just get out!

Okay? No, I'll leave you

alone for your little

spank fest.

- Don't say that!

- Have.. No. No, no!

Have fun.

- Have fun.

- No, I'm not having fun.

I'm not..

I'll never have fun again!

- You looked like you were

having a great time.

- How about that?

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