The Firm Page #5

Who you going out with?

Your new mate? Bex?

- ''Yeah.'' l'll see you later.

- Oi. You be careful with him.

He looks like a bloody postbox.

- All right, Pete?

- All right, Dom?

- Winning?

- Winning, you c*nt.

- How are you, mate?

- All right, Dom?

Sweet.

You sure, Dom? Go and sit round there, eh?

Oi, oi. Didn't you call him first?

You wanna start dropping

clobber like that round 'ere, mate,

you better check it with your boyfriend,

cos it's a little bit strong.

'Ere. Did you buy 'em together?

Yeah?

Actually...

l bet that you saw him buy his first,

and you went straight out and copied him.

Didn't ya?

- Am l right?

- He's not f***ing wrong, is he?

Funny thing about you is, Dom...

is when you first come round 'ere,

you was dressed like a right div.

And yet, 'ere you are,

and you're all dressed up like him.

- What's that about?

- Leave it, Trig, eh?

There's a word for that, in't there?

- Snow?

- Yeah. lnfatuation.

That's it.

lnfatuation.

But to us lot, it just means

you wanna get stuck up him.

You're on your own there, mate.

He's dumping you now.

Look. You're gonna have to find

someone else to f***ing lap up.

Tell you what, son.

You can plate me if you like.

Next time, just put in a call first,

you f***ing dry lunch.

All right, Trig. Leave it now, eh?

- That's a bit strong.

- For f***'s sake.

- F***'s sake.

- Sweet, Dom?

He's all right. Don't worry.

Diet's gone west, l see.

You'll go f***ing west in a minute

if you don't carry on working, you nause.

You're the nause, you fat melt.

Oh, look, here's your mate.

Rung the bell here, in't ya?

- All right, Bill?

- Bob.

- One there for you, look.

- Cheers, mate.

What happened to you the other day?

- l turned round, you'd vanished.

- l had a dicky tummy, didn't l?

Went to the khazi and yous lot had slipped.

You ain't gotta stick your fanny up, mate.

l could see you was burnt.

But he gets like that in booze,

he don't mean nothing by it.

He just likes people to stand up to him.

- Well, what am l supposed to say to him?

- Tell him to f***ing slow down.

Oh, great.

He's right about one thing, though.

Well, do you wanna run with the foxes?

Anyway, l come by to tell you, me and

Strides are having a russell at Lips later.

- We both want you to be there.

- Really? Yeah?

Really, yeah.

But don't wear that red tracksuit.

l won't.

And there's a little bird there

who's dying to fly into you.

- Ta-ta, champ.

- See you later.

Oi! Lazy bollocks.

We ain't finished up 'ere yet.

- F*** off.

- Nggh, nnggh.

Sweet, Dom?

Where was you the other day?

All right, J?

l had a queer belly, didn't l?

Didn't miss much.

The Old Bill was everywhere.

'Ere, you all right, Dom? Listen,

you coming Palace with us tomorrow?

- Course, l'm up for it.

- Good stuff.

- Be a bit of fun down there.

- Sweet, boys.

l'd better go and say hello to Bex.

Here he is! Hello, mate,

you don't half look well.

- Thanks, mate.

- Hello, handsome.

- Where's he been keeping you?

- Oi, slow down, tart.

Make yourself useful.

Go and get me a drink, eh?

Oi. Don't get trappy

in front of your little mate.

Nause. Remember,

you don't call me Strides for nothing.

- Powerful, eh?

- She's a light, mate.

Yeah, well, you know what they say.

Behind every good man...

there's a sh*t c*nt.

- Coming Palace?

- Yeah, mate.

Good. Cos l've got a little plan.

Fancy we take a detour,

land on that Yeti when his back's turned?

What? Show them who's got the top firm.

Yeah?

Oh, have a look.

Now, remember what l told ya.

- All right, mate?

- Trigger.

Get your assistant to knock me up

a banana daiquiri, would ya?

Oh, no! You ain't gonna take that,

are you, Dom?

'Ere, Trig. Why don't you f*** off

and leave me alone, eh?

Do you want me to do you

in front of everyone?

Cos l'll f***ing

kick you up and down this club.

Go on, then, you tricky c*nt.

- l knew you had it in ya.

- Well in, Dom.

- Go on, mate.

- Oi!

There's that bird l was telling you about.

Go on!

Dom, Justine, Justine, Dom.

- All right, Dom?

- All right, Justine?

F*** me, that was basic.

So, er...fancy a drink?

Not really.

Bins on or off?

Mm.

Plate first?

Listen. Change of plan.

We ain't going Palace.

We're gonna go land

on that f***ing Yeti's plot instead.

- See if we can catch him off-guard.

- You wanna be careful.

We could come undone down there.

Are you mad?

Have a look at this firm we got round us.

- Sweet, champ?

- l'm up for it.

Sweet. Snow?

- Course, mush, you know me.

- Dave?

Sounds like a plan, Bex, yeah, mate.

- Usef, fancy it?

- Yeah, definitely, mate.

Good. Let's go and do this f***ing Yeti.

- 'Ere y'are, this is Millwall's boozer.

- Just take it easy, will ya?

'Ere y'are, look. There's two, look.

'Ere, there's two of the Yeti's lot.

What are you doing? Slow up, will you?

We don't know their numbers.

J, J, get here with me.

Knuckle, sort your f***ing mob out.

- Come on.

- 'Ere y'are, J, come here.

Come on.

- All right, sweet.

- Keep it together.

Knuckle, sort your mob out.

Sort your mob out.

F***ing get together, now!

- Come on, Millwall!

- Get here! Don't f***ing run!

F***ing get here, J!

J! They've got tools!

F***ing get me out! F***er!

Come on, then, boys, here they are.

Want some of this?

You want some of this now?

Come here! What you running for?

What you running for?

Hold that, you West Ham c*nt.

- What?

- That was clever, weren't it?

You made us look like

a bunch of f***ing idiots.

Wait there. Wait over there.

- You sweet, Dom?

- Yeah, sweet.

Oh, no.

Oh!

That's a naughty wound, mate.

Go and get yourself down the hospital now.

Well, go on.

Come on, yous three.

We ain't finished. We're going back there.

- Ta, mate. Speak to you soon.

- See you later.

Give this to Yeti, you c*nt.

Come on, go!

How f***ing good was that?

Switch off, will ya?

My Porsche.

F***ing c*nts.

ls he? No. No, he ain't.

- Where is he?

- There.

- No.

- He's there.

There!

Go and play. Go on.

- You know who this is, don't ya?

- Bexy boy.

'Ere, get 'ome all right, mate?

Oh, 'ere, 'ere. We had a smashing time

after we run you lot.

l got the right car, didn't l?

Fancy you're the only lag stupid enough

to buy a British motor.

You still there, boy?

What? You think you can just land on us

and start taking liberties?

You gotta get up a little bit earlier

if you wanna catch me out.

You're out of your league, mate.

You think that l'm gonna stand behind you

in a national firm?

Not the way you perform.

Anyway, you'll have

to wait till next season now.

So start practising.

Yeah, you're still there.

l can hear ya breathing.

Oh, no, no!

You f***ing child!

Why can't you get your kicks

doing something else, eh?

Something f***ing grown-up?

Like normal people.

lnstead of running around

bashing these idiots up?

And you know who gets to hear 'em

mug you off, don't ya? lt's me.

And l think they'd do it to your face

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes