The First Wives Club

Middlebury College, 1969,

the year of walking on the moon -

- "Yellow Submarine"

and Woodstock.

Also the year that Pope Paul the VI

eliminated 200 saints. Amen.

And I, along with my three best

friends, graduated from college.

Where's Cynthia? We've got

to get going. I mean, shouldn't We?

Calm doWn, Annie.

She said she had a surprise.

HoW is this?

Is this heaven?

Elise, you are so gorgeous. Really!

Oh, my. It's lovely.

- It's solid.

- Oh, girls.

- Cynthia.

- Here. Open. Put them on.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

You shouldn't have done this.

- It's too much.

- I don't think so. It's just enough.

You'll all Write me nice notes,

but noW We need a toast.

- Got it.

- Pour, pour! It's picture time.

- Champagne!

- From my folks.

To Annie, Elise and Brenda.

And Cynthia,

I mean our valedictorian.

All right. We're all bound together

forever by friendship and love.

And jeWelry!

And We're always going

to be there for each other.

- Oh, God! I'm gonna cry!

- Here! For the rest of our lives.

- One, two, three...

- How's my hair?

It's good.

Mrs. Cynthia?

Teresa...

- I want you to have these.

- No, no, no.

- Yes, yes, yes.

- I cannot take...

- You just think of it as a raise, OK?

- Thank you.

NoW, you take the rest of the day off.

Go on.

- Thank you.

- Would you mind mailing these?

Of the four of us, Cynthia was

certainly the most likely to succeed.

When she decided to do something -

- shejust went ahead and did it.

Roachie. Come on, honey.

It's Mommy. Mommy's home.

Gosh, think We got any messages?

- What do you think, huh?

- Annie, dear, it's your mother.

It's 6am. Please call me urgently.

Chris! Honey, I thought you

Were going to campus yesterday.

My classes Were cancelled.

I slept here. Where Were you?!

I was... I was at a friend's.

You Were With that man again.

Mother, I am so disappointed.

I'm sorry, but he is your father.

He's using you.

You shouldn't let him.

It's not that simple.

The truth is I love your father.

- I'm sure he loves me.

- You're a doormat!

What's the matter With you?

Why are you so crabby today?

Is it school? I knoW What it is.

- It's a boy.

- I'm a lesbian, mom.

I'm a lesbian.

But that's not the issue here.

- When you say "lesbian"...

- Don't tell Daddy.

I want to tell him myself When the time

is right. Like Father's Day.

- Or Christmas morning.

- Chris...

Thank God, you're all right.

Where Were you?

Who saW you?

- Who saW me What?

- She was sleeping With Daddy.

Muffin, you've come

to your senses. I'm so happy.

Mother, I don't sleep With Aaron.

He has problems With his partners.

He's very conflicted, and he

needed somebody to talk to.

- Doormat!

- Lesbian.

Do it, Morris.

Do it to me noW. I need it.

You're the only one Who does it

the way I like it. You're the king.

Any more collagen, your lips Will look

like they Were stuck in a pool drain.

I haven't Worked in 18 months.

I have a meeting With a director

for a part I Would kill for.

- I have to look sexy.

- Elise, you are sexy!

Look at yourself. You're incredible.

You're my masterpiece.

- There's not one line on your face.

- Really? What do you call that?

- And these? What are these?

- You're 45.

One more facelift,

you'll be able to blink your lips.

- Don't you want to play your age?

- My oWn age?!

You don't understand. There are only

three ages for Women in Hollywood:

Babe, district attorney

and "Driving Miss Daisy".

And right noW, I want to be young.

Science Fiction "young"!

This is good. Maybe you should

also cut doWn on the booze.

I knoW you're upset about the divorce.

- Upset?

- You're upset about Bill's movie.

This isn't about him!

This is about my lips! Look at me.

I want Tina Turner. I want Jagger.

Fill 'em up.

Really? This is fabulous news.

Thank you. Bye... Jason!

Jason! Honey!

Yoo-hoo! "Burning Sensation"

just confirmed.

Jason!

- What?

- "Burning Sensation" confirmed.

- I got the band you wanted.

- Cool!

Affection!

Gimme that!

- What is this?

- HebreW!

Your Bar Mitzvah's in 3 Weeks...

the one thing your father Will pay for.

- Learn it!

- Mom!

Don't "but, Mom" me! Learn it.

Don't shame me in the synagogue.

The separation from Aaron is absurd.

HoW Will you fix things

if you're not together?

We're practically together.

We're seeing the same therapist.

- What?

- Her name is Dr. Leslie Rosen.

She's incredible. She helps

Aaron With commitment issues.

We're Working on my self-esteem.

You're married With a daughter.

You're happy. Who needs self-esteem!

Mother!

Dr. Rosen says that...

She says you're very controlling.

Me? Controlling?

That is ridiculous.

- Mother, I...

- Roach...

Go!

What if I found somebody else,

mother? It's possible.

You're 46. You're more likely

to be slaughtered by a psycho.

Cynthia Swann Griffin is dead. The

former wife of Wall Street wizard...

Didn't you go to school With her?

...jumped from her

fashionable penthouse apartment.

Mrs. Griffin had recently divorced

her longtime husband -

- Gilbert Griffin. The Wall Street

baron remarried only yesterday.

- Morning, Mohammed.

- Morning, Miss Eliot.

Elise!

- Oh, God. What a tragedy!

- Poor Cynthia.

And your lips!

Elise arrived with

Gunilla Garson-Goldberg.

The queen of New York society.

Nobody gets anywhere -

- in this town without

Gunilla's say-so.

Hey, Elise!

She looks Wonderful.

Has she had any Work done?

Honey, she's a quilt.

Then came Cynthia's

former husband Gilbert Griffin.

A man made rich by

his first wife's connections and now -

- made happy by his

second wife's youthful good looks.

The vampire Lestat. And Louis.

What a nerve!

He should be hanging his head.

You don't knoW

What he feels right noW.

I kneW you Would be here.

Alice!

- No, Annie.

- Annie!

It's so Wonderful to see you.

You're Wearing our pearls.

Yeah.

- Hi. It's Brenda. Brenda Morang.

- Brenda!

Annie. Remember me!

- You look Wonderful.

- You do too. You look just...

...uncanny.

- Thank you.

Dear, sWeet, funny, yearning Brenda.

What?

- She's such a b*tch.

- I hate that guy.

This might sound horrible after

that but I Would really...

- I'd love to...

- Lunch?

No, you're right. It's not right.

Why? We gotta eat. I have a car.

- A limo.

- Yeah.

It is so Wonderful seeing you all.

- Elise.

- What?

You have not changed a bit in 20 years.

Not one little bit.

It's utterly bizarre.

- Brenda!

- Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Ladies, Would anyone like a drink?

- Yes, I Would like a Virgin Mary.

- Bloody Mary.

- Vodka rocks, please.

- NoW, I just want to...

...get this out of the way.

I'm the most terrible person.

I tried to stay in touch.

I should have Written every month.

Annie you had a life to lead.

It must have been time-consuming,

churning out those newsletters.

It's a terrible excuse for a reunion -

- but here We all are.

HoW are you guys, huh?

Just fine. Couldn't be better.

- Things are rolling along for me.

- Same here. Knock Wood.

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