The Forbidden Room Page #3

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and plunged myself

into a brown study over Janus,

that great god.

God's the terminus

of the ways of the road.

Master of time.

Convulsed into a monster

by the Janus bust,

I was now Lug-Lug,

hideous impulse incarnate.

I called at Jane's,

the scene of my cruel crime,

hoping she had somehow

recovered from,

or even forgotten,

the previous night's attack.

Sewing.

Stitching.

Darning. Mending.

Sweeping.

Scrubbing. Washing.

I'll give you 200 for it.

All right, do I have 200?

I have two... 200? I have 200.

225. I have... Do I have 250 for

this excellent two-faced Roman...

250. I have 250.

325 right here.

325. I have 325.

375, ladies and gentlemen.

375 for this sculpture.

You're not gonna see a second one

like this for years to come.

From the bowels of hell!

Now what?

No, no, no. 375.

To further complicate matters,

my own double...

Of all people...

Arrived at the night auction

to bid against me

for the Janus bust.

500. Do I have 500? No...

500! 500!

Do I hear 525?

Five... 525.

550? I have 550.

575. I have 575. 600!

I have 600.

625?

I have 625. 650?

I'm looking for 650.

Going once. Going twice.

Three times.

And the god is sold.

I won back the unhallowed

trophy from my double.

Soundly thrashed

in the bidding,

the repulsive duplicate wandered

off to God knows where.

Irked at his very existence,

I compelled myself to stalk him

as Lug-Lug!

Wait. Before you do

what you must do...

For I'm sure

you have your reasons...

Allow me one word

in my own defense.

Not because I deserve any, for I am sure

whatever it is you think I have done,

I have done it 10 times

worse than you even know.

But please, allow me

one short story

by way of illustrating

your own convictions.

Preparing to spend

the night at H...,

on my way through

southern T...,

I engaged a horse groomsman to currycomb

the fatigue from my Dutch Gelderlander,

which I had that day

ridden hard.

At the threshold of the stables,

the ostler accosted me

with a tale.

Just four birthdays ago...

-I'm sorry, sir.

-I haven't the time this evening.

-My mother...

-Step aside, I beg you.

One night I was sent

for her medicine.

Ostler!

At the pharmacist's,

I met her.

Felicia.

I felt she needed my help.

She asked for laudanum.

The druggist tossed her

out on the street.

I gave her half

Mother's laudanum,

Mother, I have it.

I have it.

Be quiet.

It's your birthday,

little ostler.

Have you anything

you want to tell me?

No, Mother. No.

You should

take some more.

And then I have her three-quarters

of Mother's laudanum

and filled the rest

with water.

Breathing... breathing...

breathing... breathing...

breathing...

breathing...

And then I have her

all of Mother's laudanum

and gave my mother water.

Thank you for listening.

Please,

get on with it.

Self-mastery at last!

One moment, please.

Come in.

The Minister

of the Interior.

Well, no. Yes.

This is not my fault.

There's an explanation,

clearly.

Don't you see? I...

He... She tried

to murder me!

She tried to strangle me

with her blouse.

And this butler...

It was his idea.

He organized everything.

Please!

No!

No! Aaah!

Surprise!

Aswang.

You have never been baptized.

I can help you.

Such is the tale

of the snow.

You may listen again

when the occasion arises.

Come and join us.

What's the meaning

of this?

I found you.

The captain's daughter.

My only memory.

Dreams.

Visions.

Madness!

Breathing...

breathing...

breathing...

breathing... breathing...

Once you're done,

you wanna dry yourself

on a big, fluffy Turkish towel.

The Turks were heavily

into baths too,

hence the expression, "Hoo! It's

like a Turkish bath in here."

Now, you probably want to

curl up with a nice book,

or maybe get together

with a special someone

who, hopefully, will have bathed

too in the fairly recent past.

Whatever. Enjoy.

That's what bathing

is all about,

in spite of what you may

have heard to the contrary.

Have a nice day.

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