The Game Plan Page #2

- Oh, yeah.

I've also got this.

It's my birth certificate.

Birth certificate?

- Your name is on it.

- My name is...

My name?

Awesome!

Ready? Break!

My name's not on this.

"Joseph Kingman. "

Hut! Hut! Hut!

- We've got a situation.

- Touchdown!

Fix it.

Oh!

Don't you think

you should have told me about this?

- I didn't know.

- You didn't know you had an ex-wife?

That was a long time ago.

We were crazy in love, but too young.

Didn't even last longer than a year,

and we never had a baby.

Okay, but for argument's sake,

is there the teeniest, tiniest possibility

that this child could be yours?

Think hard.

I don't know.

We got the separation,

the divorce was final,

she came by to pick up

a few of her things and then we...

We...

Is anyone else hungry?

- Hungry?

- Joe...

When did this, "We... We...

Is anyone else hungry" happen?

About eight, nine years ago.

- How old are you, kid?

- Eight.

Congratulations, Joe.

This isn't happening to me.

Muffin, just talk to your Auntie Stella.

Hmm?

It says here that your mom

is not coming back for a month.

She's on her way to Africa.

What kind of a selfish,

self-centered person dumps their kid...

She's on a water sanitation project

bringing fresh drinking water

to the drought-ravaged children

of the Sudan.

If I had a dime

for every time I heard that one.

So on her way to save the world,

your mom just suddenly decided

to leave you here?

I begged her. I said,

"Well, why don't I stay with my father?"

And she said, "Well, baby, he doesn't

know about you yet. " And I said...

I get it. I get it.

So, who else can you stay with?

I got it. I got it. I'm a genius.

Sara has a sister.

Goombah, Grip, Grime... Carmen!

- Karen.

- Karen. What about her?

She's...

She's dead.

Oh, that's convenient.

What?

How do we get in touch

with your mom?

- Her cell won't work in Kassala.

- Email?

They don't have Internet there.

How did you get here again?

We flew to Boston together,

and then she put me in a car.

And the car just magically

dropped you off at some man's house?

- Not some man. My father.

- So you say.

- Want a paternity test?

- Yes. That's a great idea.

Let's do that. No problem.

I don't like needles.

So if they don't take blood, no problem.

Not in the middle of negotiating

our Fanny's deal, it's not.

These things never stay quiet,

trust me.

If she does turn out to be yours,

you'll look like a guy

who had a kid and ditched her

and you can

kiss your mega-bucks goodbye.

- Stella.

- Hmm.

We don't even look alike.

Oh, no. Not at all.

- Thanks a lot for the heads up, Larry.

- Hey, I told you she was cute.

I'm late.

Let's go. No huddle.

- No back seat.

- So what? Get in the car.

If you get in an accident,

the air bag will hurt me.

Oh, come on, I don't have time

for the safety lesson, please!

Come here.

So late.

I've got four weeks

to make up for eight years,

so let's get started, shall we?

I'm going to ask you some questions

and you're going to give me

some answers, okay?

Now, for example,

if you asked me what my favorite thing

to do was, I would say ballet.

So what's your favorite thing to do?

That's easy. Play football.

Football.

Come on!

If you could only save one thing

in a fire, what would it be?

My Heisman.

No, wait... I know.

My limited edition

Joe Kingman sneakers.

Come on, horseradish.

No more questions.

Just one more question.

What's the best thing

that's ever happened to you?

Listen, I got a question for you.

Why didn't your mom

just bring you here herself?

Want a cookie?

No, I don't want a cookie.

Stop trying to change the subject.

But you said you were hungry.

- And I made them special for you.

- Fine, fine.

- Now, about your mom.

- I told you, it was last-minute.

I just can't believe that the Sara I knew

would just let her daughter

show up at my doorstep alone.

I know what happened.

- You do?

- Yeah.

- She's gained a lot of weight.

- No.

What's she pushing now? About 180?

Deuce?

Let's go.

What do you think, you're some

roaming free safety or something?

This is "cover-two," little lady,

so stay close.

Are you okay?

Do I sound okay?

What did you put in those cookies?

- Milk, flour, eggs and cinnamon...

- Cinnamon!

Cinnamon? I'm allergic to cinnamon.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- All you got to say is, "I'm sorry"?

I sound like this, "I'm sorry"?

Cinnamon!

I'm allergic to nuts.

Joe. Joe, don't forget I got that

publicity shoot set up for you today.

- You have to be there this time.

- I'll be there.

What do you think,

I'm stupid or something?

Stop touching me.

Stop eating so much.

- You're late, Joe. That's a $500 fine.

- Start a tab.

Hey, sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.

King's here, Danville. I got it.

King's here.

Get a submarine sandwich

and a diet soda.

All right, let's go. Sixty-six seam,

slot left on three, on three. Ready?

All right, let's go. Sixty-six seam,

slot left on three, on three. Ready?

Suffering succotash,

Sylvester,

something seems to be wrong

with your mouth.

I said sixty-six, slot seam left on three.

On three. Ready?

Hey, Joe.

Looks like you got a rogue fan.

- I'm not a fan. I'm Joe's daughter.

- What's everybody staring at?

I didn't know Joe had a kid.

Yo, I don't think Joe knew

Joe had a kid.

- Stay here.

- Yes, sir.

Hat.

Give me this!

Here's what you got to read right there.

You all set?

Here we go. And three, two, one... Go!

Boston Rebels! Experience the heat!

Boston Rebels! Catch the magic.

Boston Rebels! Feel the...

Wait a minute. Who writes this?

Hey, let's get Joe.

He won't be expecting it.

We'll put ice in his bath.

Coop, look. Look real close.

Joe is in an ice bath.

- Well, we'll put colder ice in it.

- Glove.

Yeah.

Webber, think about this.

Big surprise, eh, Kingman?

More like a safety blitz.

Yeah, well, you should be happy.

I remember how happy I was

when my kids were born.

Yeah, but you knew

they were coming.

Yeah, well, either way, she's here now.

What's your name, sweetheart?

- Peyton.

- Peyton, that's cute.

- Hi, Peyton.

- Hi.

Oh, that's cool.

Like... Like, Peyton Manning?

No, dude.

It's like Walter Payton, right?

No. Peyton Rous.

- Who's that?

- He won the Nobel Prize.

For what team?

In medicine.

He's not even a football player.

That's stupid.

"Stupid" is a mean word.

- No, it isn't.

- Yes, it is.

- No, it isn't.

- Yes, it is.

- Isn't.

- Is!

- Isn't.

- Is!

Quiet. Both of you.

Step away from my pants.

Awkward.

Hey, sweetie, it's okay.

See, those are Monroe's

very special underwear.

You see,

he needs to wear them every game,

- or he thinks we won't win.

- Oh.

Hey, I'm on SportsCenter again.

I'm hungry.

Please don't touch anything.

Stand right here.

Tonight's Tuesday.

We're going to carbo-load.

Twenty-twenty-sixty ratio.

What?

Hey, do you have any Jell-O?

I want some Jell-O.

Like I said, please don't touch.

Fingerprints. I don't like fingerprints.

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