The Gay Divorcee

Don't let it bother you

When things go wrong

If you're glum, just hum

And some good luck will come along

Don't let it bother you

If now and then

You may stumble, never grumble

Count from one to 10

- A frown is a smile upside down

- So turn that frown upside down

And smile

And sing oh-la-la-la

Don't let it bother you

If skies are gray

Learn to grin

And take it on the chin

Then everything will be okay

Oh, it's no use, Guy.

Mine has housemaid's knee.

Don't be discouraged, Egbert.

I think you show distinct tendencies

towards terpsichorean excellence.

You think so, really?

You know, as a matter of fact...

...my inner soul has always yearned

to express itself in the dance.

- Lf you were I, what would you do?

- Stick to law.

Spoken like a real native.

Do you recognize it?

No.

What? Oh, yes.

Oh, my, Guy,

this is an expensive place here.

Guy, in the excitement of changing

my clothes on that train...

...I left my wallet in that other suit.

Egbert, what would you do without me?

I mean to say...

I've been in America

for several months with my friend.

We're passing through Paris on our way

to London. We're taking the boat tomorrow.

I am the proprietor.

What can I do for you?

Well, I'm afraid we'll have to mail you

the amount of the check.

Well, monsieur, I do not know you.

This gentleman's father

is Sir Frederick Fitzgerald...

...the distinguished London attorney.

Yes, and I'm a lawyer too.

You, monsieur?

My friend here is Guy Holden,

the American dancer.

Musical comedy and whatnot.

Certainly you've heard of Holden.

Oh, yes, I have heard of Guy Holden.

But, monsieur, have you any means

of identification?

Well, you see, we...

Left them in the other suit.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Well, I...

I have it, I have it.

Look here, old chap,

if my friend dances like Guy Holden...

...that proves he is Guy Holden,

doesn't it?

Go ahead, Guy, dash them off

a bit of a minuet...

...or a polka or a schottische.

Now, wait a minute, I'm on my vacation.

I'm not going to do any dancing.

I've heard they make you

wash dishes in Paris.

There you are.

That means nothing.

Then you try it.

Suppose you do it over there.

- With all these people around?

- Well, if you are Guy Holden...

...people should not disturb you.

No.

French cooking must make the dishes

very difficult to wash.

Guy, never mind.

Thank you.

Mr. Fitzgerald. Mr. Fitzgerald.

Mr. Fitzgerald.

- Mr. Fitzgerald.

- Who is it? What's the matter?

What do you want?

- Mr. Fitzgerald?

- Yes.

- Mr. Pinky Fitzgerald?

- Yes.

Pinky? That's the first time

I've heard that one.

Must be from Father.

He's always called me Pinky.

Ever since I was a golden-haired little tot

paddling about in pale-pink pajamas.

What do you want?

Tip that boy, will you?

Read that for me.

I'm all involved here, Guy, please.

- Thank you, governor.

- Right you are.

Yes, it's from your father. He says:

"Leaving for Scotland. Stop.

Take charge of office in my absence. Stop."

Good. Father's placing everything

in my hands.

But I haven't finished yet. He also says:

"But don't do anything, just sit."

Let me see that.

Why, Pinky, evidently you've been

in charge of the office before.

- Excuse me. Can you help me in section D?

- What is it?

- I can't do a thing with her, sir.

- Who?

The lady in section D, sir.

She's an American.

You know how these Americans are, sir.

- When finished, look after that gentleman.

- Yes, sir.

Will you gentlemen come with me, please?

Excuse me, madam, I am the chief

inspector. Anything I can do for you?

You most certainly can.

This man wants to mess up my trunks...

...after I've packed the lovely things

I bought in Paris.

I'm very sorry, madam,

but we have to inspect all luggage...

...for dutiable merchandise.

Now, madam, how much

did you pay for this?

That? Oh, now, how much

did I pay for that?

I know I paid an awful lot. But I shouldn't

be telling you that, should I?

- Where did you buy it?

- Where did I buy it? Oh, now, let me see.

What was the name of that town?

- Paris?

- Paris? No. No, it wasn't Paris.

- Lyons?

- No. No, it wasn't Lyons...

...but you're getting warmer.

- Nice?

- Niece. Yes, that's who I'm waiting for.

- What?

- Yes, my niece, Mimi.

I sent her a cable to London

and told her to meet me here.

- Where is she?

- I'm sure I don't know, madam.

This is the only other place

she might be.

Oh, there she is.

Thank you very much.

- Hortense.

- Mimi, dear.

How are you?

Oh, you look perfectly marvelous.

Yes, don't I.

This is my niece, Mimi.

I told you about her.

The poor thing has had her life

all mixed up...

...but I've come over expressly

to straighten it all out for her.

Madam, we would appreciate it

if you'd straighten this matter out first.

Well, what is it you want me to do?

Come with me and we'll make

a declaration of all your purchases.

Everything's so topsy-turvy.

Will you put those things in

while I lock this?

- These?

- Yes, please.

Would you be good enough

to hold this for me? Thank you.

- Did you have a nice trip?

- I had a marvelous trip. I adore Paris.

It's so like Chicago.

I enjoyed every minute of it.

It's such a relief when you're traveling

to feel that you've never left home at all.

I shouldn't be long, dear.

Come along, men.

Porter. Porter.

- Oh, porter.

- Sorry, I'm busy, ma'am.

Porter.

Oh, porter. Porter.

Porter.

Porter. Porter.

Porter.

I beg your pardon.

Can I be of any assistance?

Why... Well, yes.

My aunt is in the inspector's office.

Would you call her for me?

- Well, yes, indeed.

- Thank you.

With pleasure.

- You're an American, aren't you?

- Yes.

- So am I.

- So is my aunt.

You know, the one you were

going to call for me.

Oh, yes.

Is there anything special

you want me to tell her?

Well, you might tell her

that my dress is caught.

Your dress is caught.

My, my.

- Locked.

- Yes.

And you want me to call your aunt?

Yes.

You know, a third party

might spoil this.

Porter. Oh, porter.

Oh, porter. Porter.

There's no reason why I can't

handle this myself.

I pulled a cat out of a well once

when I was a boy.

Now, let me see...

- Maybe I should've called your aunt.

- Well...

Oh, I'm awfully sorry. Please take this.

- Please forgive me.

- I'm living in London.

Where can I return this to you?

Oh, I'm stopping in London too.

May I save you the trouble and call for it?

I'd rather you wouldn't.

Well, here's my address.

I'll be waiting to hear from you.

- You didn't say goodbye.

- No, I didn't.

Well, that's wonderful.

That means I'll see you again.

I'll pay it, but I want to know

how every cent is spent.

Oh, here you are, Hortense.

I just had the most embarrassing

experience.

A man tore my dress off.

My goodness. Anyone we know?

- Hortense.

- Here you are, madam.

Oh, for me? And I do adore fruit baskets.

Oh, isn't he generous.

You shouldn't have been so extravagant.

After all, we've just met, you know.

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