The Ghastly Love of Johnny X Page #6

Oh, yeah-

They're aged,

but tasty.

That reminds me-

How old are you, darling?

18,

my favorite flavor.

Slugster.

What time is it,

please?

Almost midnight.

Perfect.

There's someone I'd want

to drop in on.

At this hour?

Thanks one and all for staying

tuned through that interlude.

And now let's bring back

the Potentate of Pleasantry,

the Sultan of Civility.

Who else could be better

company, but Cousin Quilty?

Shut up.

We're having

a discussion here.

We're with the lovely

Miss Robin.

Actress.

Star?

Potential squeeze

for Cousin Quilty.

Ha!

Maybe not...

Where were we?

New Mexico,

the land of enchantment.

Actually, Cousin Quilty,

we were here in your studio,

and we're still here,

I think.

I think I'm

in trouble.

Okay, but seriously.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

I was visiting New Mexico

when I had that first encounter

with a flying saucer.

Flying saucer,

fascinating.

Flying saucer!

You seem skeptical.

Skeptical?

Au contraire, moped.

I'm one of the few

living talk show hosts

who's actually been abducted.

I spent several weeks with

the little fellows.

They even took

a stab at impregnating me.

Fun, but fruitless.

You held your ground.

Among other things, yes.

Whatever do you mean?

I'll show you later.

Hey Mickey, where'd

they have you stashed?

Sluggo, get rid of

the geezer.

Relax,

lollipop, look at me.

Look into my eyes and everything

is gonna be just fine.

They're dreamy.

I know.

Now you sit tight, you keep

an eye on Sluggo's playmate.

I have a message for the people

and I'm in need of a medium.

Oh.

You'll always be

an extra large to me, Mickey.

Mick.

Mick, I've

been thinking.

We really ought to get

that suit of Johnny's

so's I could protect you.

Look up.

Huh?

Look up.

I hope I never forget

the way

the sky looks tonight.

This is gonna

sound crazy.

Crazier than

a Quaker in a whorehouse.

I look up there, I think

it's home.

Maybe just-

But Mick,

we need that suit.

How do you think

you came back?

From where?

But they told me that my spirit

animal was an armadillo.

Fascinating.

Yeah.

Are you brain damaged

or drunk?

We're on the air.

Where are we

working tomorrow?

Ooh, this is a

nice surprise.

Oh, no, no, don't tell me,

let me guess.

The Martians have landed.

Oh, it's better than that.

Better than Martians?

I have to tell you, folks, there

have been a lot of weird rumors

circulating

about this man.

Tabloids have been reporting

that he's dropped dead.

Or disappeared.

Or even worse.

But evidently,

nothing could keep him away

from Cousin Quilty's

show tonight.

Put your hands

together, ladies and gentlemen,

for one of the greatest

singers of all time,

The Man With

the Grin, Mickey O'Flynn!

There we go.

Hi!

Oh-

Mickey.

Looking-

You're looking good.

I'll give you

a Cousin Quilty welcome.

Thanks for

having me, Quilt.

Who's this lovely little

hummingbird?

I'm sorry, I should

have introduced you.

This is the lovely Robin Wray,

star of "Beatnik Buffalo".

"Beatnik Barbecue."

"Beatnik Barbecue."

Oh, if that's

an invitation to dinner,

you can count me in,

darling.

I don't eat meat.

Well, except in the movie,

of course.

There's been a lot of rumors

about what's been happening

with you lately, Mick.

That's why I'm here, Quilt.

I want to tell the whole world

that I'm alive.

I'm alive and

I feel magnificent.

Now that's

a coincidence.

Mickey?

And that

no-good Sluggo is with him.

Traitor!

It's not, like,

a rerun?

Hey, hey, shut up-

I wanna hear this.

So- so you weren't

abducted by aliens?

It was a carefully orchestrated

publicity stunt,

the brainchild of my

former employer, King Clayton.

That's it-

That does it.

I'm tearing up

his contract!

Well, I guess the proverbial

cat is out of the bag.

So get out of town

while you still can.

Oh, wow.

My face?

Are you okay?

My face is flopping off,

what the hell's going on?

Am I sick-

Am I sick?

No, no, no,

it's just-

Do I look sick? No, you look fine, Mick.

Well, heck.

There's just so many

beautiful things out there.

In fact, on the way

over tonight,

look what I found.

It was just lying there in the

road, unnoticed and unloved,

yet all the beauty

and mystery of life can be found

in that serpentine, sensual,

sinewy body.

Look at it.

It's exotic-

whoop-

It's deadly.

It's alive!

Yes.

It's the booze,

Daddy-o.

Mickey, who is

this dapper young man

you've brought along

with you?

A friendly friend?

Ah Quilt, he's more

than that.

Sluggo is my son.

Fine looking young man.

I didn't exactly germinate

his mom's hooha

or anything like that,

but Sluggo is my son.

That rotten dirtbag.

And to think,

I love them both.

Adopted?

Yeah, damn straight,

100% bona fide adoptee.

The son I always wanted.

Don't touch

that dial.

We're coming

right back!

I'd like say a word

about Chesterfields.

Where's that studio?

We have to

save Bliss.

What's Bliss got to

do with this?

I said, what's

Bliss got-

Johnny, Johnny...

They got Bliss.

Sluggo abducted her.

Double whammy!

What?

Well, what are we doing waiting

around her- Let's scramble!

Unlikely they'd

still be there, chief.

The Quilty show is on

a one-hour delay.

Hello, The Cave, the utmost in

underground entertainment,

how can I-

Oh.

Sorry.

Yeah, sweetie,

he's right here.

Johnny, it's for you.

It's Mickey's son.

Speak, dead man.

Bring

the suit, punk.

That is, if you want to see

your little Miss Muffet

all in one piece.

What makes you think

I care?

A juggler has balls,

doesn't he?

Don't make

me laugh, pretty boy.

She's got yours

and tight.

Mickey, I don't think

I like your son-

He scares me.

Now, now, he just wants

to do what's right for us.

He's got a big heart beneath

all that blubber.

The suit-

Damnation's Hole, two hours!

All right, you really crossed

the line this time, Sluggo.

All right,

I'll be there.

But I'm warning you,

it's gonna get ugly.

Good, you'll know what it

feels like to be me.

He has mean nostrils,

have you noticed?

He's a good egg, he's

just a little hard-boiled.

Two hours!

Not like you Mickey.

You're boiled

to perfection.

Sunny side up.

Oh.

Don't get

all clingy now.

Mickey needs his space,

Mama.

You heard the man-

Give him some room, b*tch!

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I think she gets

your point.

She's not that bad,

she's just a tad pushy.

You and Bliss I got

to tolerate,

at least until I get

that suit and I'm in charge.

But her, I don't got

to tolerate.

All I got to do to her is

kick her bony butt to the curb!

Here, get out!

Get out of the car!

Thanks for the wheels,

Earth slut!

Mickey!

Mickey!

I'll have 'em all

marching to the sound

of Sluggo's jukebox when

I get that suit,

a whole planet of zombies

here to do Sluggo's bidding!

I can't believe

I'm hearing this.

In this perfect world, why

would you want to-

Don't you

get it, old man?

You must have short circuited

a few wires

while you were in Hell.

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