The Ghost Goes West Page #2

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of one of our enemies,

and make him kneel before you,

and admit that one Glourie

can thrash 50 MacLaggans.

But suppose I can never

find a MacLaggan?

A promise is a promise.

Every night at midnight,

you will awaken and walk through

the halls of this castle,

until you've found a MacLaggan

and forced him to bow down

before you in humble apology.

Then and not till then,

will you be permitted to

ascend from limbo

and join your noble ancestors

in Heaven.

Farewell,

Miserable ghost of a Glourie.

20th Century

FOR SALE:

GLOURIE CASTLE:

INQUIRE WITHIN:

- Hey!

- What?

Excuse me, but I'm looking for

the owner of this place.

Aye. So am I.

He's hiding somewhere around this

castle, and I propose to find him!

Well you'll not find him here,

so I would thank you

to take your sour faces

out of my kitchen!

Donald Glourie owes me about 150

pounds for ales, wines and liquors

furnished during the

past seven years.

And he owes me upwards of

200 pounds for provisions.

And what about my loan?

Aye, aye. We know how much

he owes you skinflints,

and you know how much

chance you have

of being paid before

the day this castle's sold.

- And when will that day come?

- I just could not say.

I will not wait for it.

We'll get the bailiff

and take possession ourselves.

Possess away then, but get out

of my sight, the lot of you!

What's more, there's someone else

in the house after him!

- Who? - I don't know.

- Where?

- In the hall.

- Oh, I...well...

They'll not be there long!

How did you come here?

I just walked in that front door.

It was open.

That's no reason. The lock of that

door's been broken for 200 years.

What do you want?

I saw a sign that this

place was for sale.

That's still no reason.

You know the price?

You'll not be thinking of

buying it, are you?

Master Donald!

- Master Donald!

- What is it?

It might be a purchaser.

- Do you think he's serious?

- It's a she, and young too.

But she's got a queer

kind of speech.

I'll try to understand her.

The debts of Donald Glourie

come to a grand total

of 2374 pounds, 18 shillings

and 4 pence half pence.

And he hasn't even the

half pence to pay us!

Do you think he'll ever

sell this old ruin?

Not while the Glourie ghost

walks these halls.

'Tis the curse that's been on

his family for 10 generations!

Ghosts or no ghosts, debts are

debts and must be paid.

Come on, we'll search the castle

till we find the renegade.

And when you find him,

don't let him out of your sight!

This is Mr. Glourie, Miss.

How do you do?

My name is Peggy Martin.

- Oh...mine's Donald.

I hear you're interested

in selling this castle.

Why yes, I might be interested.

Will you sit down?

No, I think I'll just stand.

I'd like to walk around a bit.

I'm kind of nervous.

That's funny, so am I.

Oh, that's too bad.

It doesn't really matter.

I break something every day

just for the pleasure of

putting it together again.

Are you an American?

- Yes, how'd you guess it?

Why do you keep staring

at me like that?

Have you never seen

an American before?

Oh yes, several.

Where, in the zoo?

Please forgive me,

it's just that...well...

We don't often get anything

worth staring at in this...

Mr. Glourie, there is a financial

matter to discuss.

Oh yes, of course. Do sit down.

I'm not at all sure I do want

to sell this castle,

but I'll be glad to

show you around.

Of course, some of the

panelling's falling to pieces

because it needs to be repaired.

I love it!

You've no idea what it means to us

to see something that isn't new.

Here is the room that

Mary, Queen of Scots slept in.

Hey!

He's in that room!

How do you do?

It probably sounds silly to you,

but I guess every American has a

hankering for this kind of...

romance, beauty, and peacefulness.

Who are all those

cheerful-looking men?

Oh them.

They're just businessmen.

Do they want to buy the castle?

Yes, they're very keen to

get possession of it.

- I think it's lovely.

- Yes, lovely.

I'm sure you'd hate

to part with it.

I'd hate to let any

of them have it.

We haven't said anything

about the price!

Oh no, there's no need

to mention that.

I'll leave that to my father.

Would it be all right if

I brought him here?

And my mother too?

- Of course.

But perhaps they'd...

Perhaps you'd bring them for

dinner here this evening.

Have you any other relatives?

- No.

I mean no husbands or

anything like that?

Not even one.

What time shall we be here?

- As early as possible. I mean...

8:
00?

- 8:
00.

And if for any reason your parents

can't come, come anyway, won't you?

Oh don't worry,

I'll have them here.

Goodbye, Mr. Glourie!

- Goodbye, Miss...Miss...!

And who's to furnish

this fine dinner?

And the champagne?

And who's to serve it?

You'll furnish the meat, Mr. Ross.

I think we'll have grouse.

And the champagne from you,

Mr. MacKaye,

and Mr. Crawford we'll have

some of your best salmon.

And all of you will

help to serve it!

- What?

- The insolence of a woman!

We'll see you in jail

first, and him too.

Come into the kitchen and

we'll all have a glass of

whisky and talk it over.

We will not!

We're self-respecting

tradesmen and we'll not.

You had the talk just now,

didn't you?

Aye, we did, but...

"Aye, but"!

The lass is an American, and all

Americans are filthy with money.

- Is that not so? - I've heard

of some that used to be.

That whisky was furnished by

me and I'm still owed for it.

Come, come now, Mr. MacKaye.

Even if it isn't paid for,

it's still whisky.

I know Master Donald owes you all,

especially you, Mr. Ross, you

flint-hearted moneylender,

but the only chance

you have of being paid

is for him to sell the castle

to these Americans.

What about the Glourie Ghost?

At midnight he'll be appearing.

And there'll be no sale.

- They'll see no ghost.

We'll give them a good dinner

and long before midnight they'll

have agreed to buy the castle

and we'll be rid of them.

Maybe.

Come on my lads, we must

give this matter some thought.

Good gracious! Have you

not finished that yet?

It'll never be ready tonight!

Will you stop that hideous

noise while I'm cooking?

We're needing practice.

Well off you go to the piggery.

It'll sound more natural there.

What are you waiting for?

I must say you look a rich

man in your fine clothes.

Thank you, Fergus.

I can assure you that the tailor

who made this dinner jacket

also hopes the castle will be sold.

Don't forget that you borrowed

that shirt stud from me.

It's an heirloom in my family, and

everyone admits it's solid gold.

It must be returned.

It will be returned,

in good condition.

- Is everything ready?

- Everything but your guests.

They're late.

And I warn you,

I'll not be here at midnight

to see the horrible specter

that frightened my grandmother

out of her wits!

I'll keep my eye on that clock.

You know I'm in the

retail grocery business,

chain stores all over

the United States.

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