The Ghost Goes West Page #3

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Over 20 millon customers!

Quite a responsibility knowing

that every day you have

20 millon stomachs to fill.

- Oh, yes!

- He's drunk the whole bottle.

- Open another.

- Remember it's 22 and 6 a bottle!

And remember also that's my stud!

This place seems very antique.

It's 600 years old, Mother.

I knew I could feel a

sense of the past here.

Is it by any chance haunted?

Mother's scared to death of ghosts,

but I'm not, I'd love to meet one.

Well I've no desire for dealings

with the other world.

Is there a ghost, Mr. Glourie?

Well, I suppose there are legends

about every old place.

I'll answer your question, Gladys.

There isn't any ghost here

or anywhere else

because ghosts simply don't exist

outside of mystery stories.

If you don't mind, I'll have

some more of that duck.

- Duck? That's grouse.

- What's the difference?

11 shillings and 8 pence.

Thank you.

Ever since I had my

nervous breakdown,

I have been extremely psychic.

And if there were a ghost here,

I should see him and hear him.

What's that?

What is it?

It's only the bagpipes Mr. Martin, an

old Scottish custom during dinner.

An old Scots custom, eh?

Sounds great.

I'll have some more

champagne, please.

Some more champagne.

8 pounds, 3 shillings and a penny.

Gather up the rest of the whisky,

Mr. MacKaye. I'll take the cigars.

They must be away.

- First I must get back my stud!

There's little time left.

I've heard it right here

by this table.

The monster comes

into view each night.

It certainly is old, but

aren't you ever afraid

that it might fall to pieces?

- It does need a little reconstruction

here and there... - Yeah.

- What time is it?

- It's early, Mother.

We ought to get home

before midnight.

It's what they call

"the witching hour"

for departed spirits.

If you don't stop

talking about ghosts,

you'll be dreaming

about them all night.

Maybe I'm dreaming.

I'd have sworn there was

a decanter of whisky

on that table a moment ago.

Some whisky for Mr. Martin.

- We're going now, Mr. Glourie.

- Why?

We have no wish to be here

when the ghost comes.

My butler tells me there's

a bad storm coming up.

I think it would be safer if

you started before it breaks.

You see these Highland roads

are treacherous and...

But we can wait a few more minutes.

It's almost midnight!

Midnight?

We better leave at once!

- There she goes again!

- Tell her, Mr. Glourie.

Tell her there's nothing like that

around here. Unfortunately!

Oh...yes.

Fergus!

Have you ever seen a

ghost in Glourie Castle?

Never have I seen one.

And never do I intend to!

I think we better move into another

room. It's getting cold in here.

Oh, yes.

I think it would be better.

- Just a minute, Mother.

I counted only 11 strokes.

- But the clock says 12.

I hope I haven't broken

anything very valuable.

Sorry, I bumped into

one of your ancestors.

It's all right, can I help you?

Are you hurt?

I'm all right, but I suggest that

you get a little reconstruction

here and there on that chair!

It's quite all right, Mr. Martin.

You see? It's after midnight

and nothing happened!

- I'm sort of disappointed.

- The only thing that's happened

is somebody sneaked away

with the whisky again!

Come on Gladys,

we'll take you home.

Goodnight, Mr. Glourie.

Thank you for a nice quiet evening.

Maybe tomorrow we can get

together and talk a little business.

Goodnight.

You want to go first, Peggy?

No, you go ahead, Dad.

I'll follow you.

Goodnight, Mr. Glourie.

You've been very kind.

- You will come back, won't you?

- Oh I'll come back,

you may be sure.

- Goodnight.

Murdoch Glourie...

for the first time in history

you've been considerate.

You've done me a good turn,

and for that I thank you

from the bottom of my heart.

Don't thank him, Master Donald.

Thank me.

- You?

- When you were at dinner,

I set it ahead an hour.

That's the right time now.

It's all right, Murdoch. Come forth

whenever you please.

Hello! Is anybody awake?

- Who is it?

- That American, Peggy.

I'm terribly sorry to

disturb you like this...

Have you forgotten something?

No. I just wanted to tell you about

your clock downstairs. It's fast!

- Is it?

- One hour.

But that's not the real reason

I came, Donald.

You don't mind my calling

you Donald, do you?

Oh no Peggy, I don't mind.

Well...

The fact is you never really

get to know a place

until after you've

stayed in it a bit.

So would it upset you awfully if

I were to spend the night here?

Oh no, of course not!

But...

- Any old bedroom will do.

But they're all so

terribly uncomfortable.

I don't mind.

- And so cold. - But we

can light a fire, can't we?

It's not easy to sleep in this

castle. You may hear noises.

- What kind of noises? - Sometimes

they might be like footsteps.

Sometimes like moans.

- It sounds sort of scary.

Oh, no, no.

It'll just be the wind whistling

through the cracks in the walls

and rattling the old boards.

Tell me, Mrs. MacNiff...

Is there anything to all

this talk about a ghost?

I tell you, Miss:

Whatever you hear,

it's only the wind.

Murdoch!

Murdoch Glourie!

I want to ask you a favor.

Be quiet, just this one night.

Come in.

Who is there?

Why, it's Mr. Glourie!

- It is.

Oh, you scared me!

For a moment I thought

you were a ghost.

I am a ghost.

I am the famous Glourie ghost,

that haunts this castle through

the darkness at night

searching, searching for

a despised MacLaggan.

So that's the explanation!

And I always thought you Scotch

people had no sense of humor.

- So you don't believe me?

- Of course I do.

And I think you look marvelous

in that fancy dress costume.

It's just what I happened to be

wearing on the day of my death

and my disgrace.

Your death?

And when did that happen?

I forget the exact day, but...

It must have been about

200 years ago.

200 years?

You look so young.

Don't you know that we never age?

Or aren't you used to us?

No, this is my first encounter.

And I'm surprised that I'm not

terrified of you...Donald.

Why do you call me Donald

when my name is Murdoch?

Because I'm no more frightened of

Murdoch than I would be of Donald.

I'm glad of that.

I should hate to alarm

such a pretty young girl.

And you're the first I've met since

the day of that ill-fated battle.

It was a shepherdess then.

I believe.

I'd just started

teaching her a game,

and she was enjoying it

very very much.

- And what sort of a game was it?

- Spell Me a Riddle.

Do you know it?

- No. How is it played?

Well you see, I ask you a riddle.

And if you can't answer by

the time I spell "Killiecrankie",

you must pay a forfeit.

Now this is the riddle:

What is the difference betwixt

a thistle in the heather

and a kiss in the dark?

Now you must answer.

K-l-L-L

l-E-C-R-A-N

K-l-E.

- I give up.

You must pay the

forfeit with a kiss.

No, but first you must tell me!

What is the difference between

a thistle and a kiss?

- The forfeit comes first.

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