The Giant Mechanical Man

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Excuse me? Excuse me?

Is the train late?

- Hi, I'm here for a temp job.

- Mr. Mahoney is in the hallway.

- Excuse me? Are you Mr. Mahoney?

- Yeah.

Hi, I'm Janice, the temp..

From 'Permanent Temps.'

- Yeah, I'm sorry I'm late. The train was..uh...

- What size jacket then?

- Ahhh... Small?

- Small says the late girl.

You could put that on.

Okay... See this door? The lock is broken.

Won't stay locked.

Not that it matters, there's nothing inside

but an empty closet. ... See that?

Yeah.

Empty. But maintenance can't fix it until tomorrow.

So I need you to stand here.

Now if anybody comes down here, anybody gets lost,

starts wondering around,

- I need you to make sure they don't open this door.

- Okay.

- Like a goalie. You block 'em. Got it?

- Yeah.

- That jacket is way too big.

- I know.

- Way too big.

If you'd gotten here on time, I could've gotten you a small.

The smalls are the first to go.

- I apologize.

- Ahh, doesn't matter.

No one's gonna come down here anyway.

Get to work!

Hi, one ticket please.

- Hello?

- You're late.

- For what?

- Tim?! We said no stilts inside.

- Late for what?

- For my work party.

- You didn't say anything about a work party.

- Uh, yeah, I did.

- Do I have to go?

- Yes.

Sh*t.

I know what they told you, you must be in a suit, see? What did I say?

Can you at least take the hat off?

Oh hey. .. Hi.

- Blew my bonus already.

- Really? Again?

S-Class 500, black, leather,

Fully loaded.

That's great. Beautiful car.

- Can I Get a whiskey neat, please?

- Look who dressed up for the party.

- So I got a new plasma.

- Bitchin'.

- Yeah. Fifty-incher, Full HD, surround, everything.

- You watch porn on it?

- Oh, dude, I was watching this one...

- This b*tch is wearing this little thong, and the zits on her ass are like this big.

In High Def? So raunchy.

- Nice!

- Hey man, there's a lady right here, so?

OK, buddy.

- So it's 50 inches, how much that cost you?

- Like three grand.

- Well that's Not bad...

- You're kidding, right?

- Excuse me?

- Three thousand dollars for a TV? Ever heard of books?

- No, we didn't have those at Harvard.

- Tim, can I talk to you for a sec?

- Pauline, who is this guy?

- He.. Um.. He's just kidding. Sorry.

- No, I'm not. No, I'm not kidding.

- He's kidding. Tim.

- What's on your neck anyway? Is that makeup?

- Yeah, it's makeup, it's silver makeup.

The dude's wearing makeup.

- Bye bye.

We need to have a talk, Janice.

- About what?

- To be frank, I don't think this is working out too well.

- What do you mean?

- We get a lot of complaints about you.

- What kind of complaints?

- Just complaints, people not happy.

Do you want me to read you some?

Let's see here...

Uh... okay...

"She seems distracted and disinterested".

"Her heart's not in it and her head's in the clouds."

"Sometimes she reminds me of a speak and spell."

Do you have any idea what that means?

It does not matter. The point is we pride ourselves here on a reputation

for smart, reliable, hardworking temps, okay?

- I'm reliable, George.

- Just hang on, let me finish.

You are reliable. yes, and, you're a nice person,

but, you're not personable.

- What d'ya mean?

- What do I mean... Um...

- Have you ever seen "Three's Company"?

- The TV show?

Yeah. You know Janet, the roommate?

She is an example of what I'm talking about.

She has a lot of charisma.

I mean, people want to see her again and again and again.

That's why the show lasted so long.

I mean, I watched her every night.

So what you're saying, is that you want me to be more like

Janet from "Three's Company"?

I mean I am saying that, but I'm not really saying that.

Because what I'm really saying is, you know, you're fired.

That's what I'm actually saying.

You're fired.

Okay.

Hi, I'm calling about the job listing in the paper today. Oh, Really?

Okay. Thank you.

- Hey, Janice. Got a second?

- Sure, Craig.

- Okay, um. How Do I Say This. The rent is due on the first.

- I know.

Really? Because your rent usually arrives in my box around the 20th, and that won't work.

- I know, I'm sorry, Craig. I'm trying.

- Look, times are tough, I get it, okay ..

.. but there are certain facts of life we all have to live by 'em.

Why is the rent due on the first day of the month?

Beats me, it just worked out that way, you know?

Someone, uh, invented months and then someone invented rent.

And then someone decided that rent is due on the first day of the month.

- I'm sorry if that sounds harsh.

- No, it's um, I understand, um, I'll figured it out.

- Thank you.

- Okay

Where.

Hi. Hi, I'm Hal Baker, I, ahh, have this segment on nine news called

"Man on the Street".

Anyway, um, I'm wondering if you be interested in being interviewed?

Hello? Oh, right, you gotta, okay...

Give him some money.

Alright. Interested?

Okay, uh, here, give me a call.

Thanks.

Hey. I got some good news.

Okay, listen to this,

Today this guy, I'm downtown .. slow day ..

That's not important ..

The point is I'm gonna be on TV.

Did you hear me? I'm gonna be on a TV show,

I'm gonna be... on a TV show.

- I thought you hated TV.

- Yeah, I do, not this kind though.

- What kind?

- This is educational, it's on the news.

- Oh. Okay.

- Wow.

Try to contain your enthusiasm, Pauline.

- What's up, Mark?

- Tim, you're all silver. Ha.

What's your brother doing here?

I'm leaving you, Tim.

- Your... Wait, what? Are you coming back?

- No.

You're leaving?

Where's your suitcase?

- I don't need a suitcase. This isn't a movie.

- I don't understand.

I'm sick of it, Tim, I'm sick of the robot.

- I'm sick of the struggle.

- This again. The struggle's a part of the art, Pauline.

- Van Gogh never sold a painting.

- Tim, you're not Van Gogh, okay?

Okay. Well... I'm not saying I'm an artist,

but people have called me an artist.

You know what?

I do need a suitcase.

If it looks like a duck and

it acts like a duck, then it's a duck.

- What's a duck?

- I'm a duck.

- What are you talking about?

If it's quacks, and has web feet and feathers

then it's a duck, babe.

- What are you talking about?

- I'm talking about me.

- But I'm not, see? I am talking about us.

I am talking about leaving you and you're

talking about ducks.

- Because I thought you believed in me.

- I never believed in you, Tim.

I just thought it was charming.

I'll be in the car.

- What the hell's goin' on out there?

Can I give you some advice, man to man,

Do you mind?

Cause, I really like you.

But you know what I see when I looked at you?

You're thirty-somethin', you're poor,

my sister's leaving you,

you got no real future to speak of,

And you know why that is?

Look, I'll tell you why that is.

Because, people weren't meant to live like this.

Painted up like a metal guy.

There's a reason the entire population

gets up in the morning and clogs the freeways,

because they gotta go to work.

That's a part of life and always has been. You know?

You're a farmer.

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