The Girl Next Door Page #2

-Really?|-Yeah.

So, what's the craziest thing|you've done lately?

Oh, I mean, it's hard to tell,|you know, because we--

I've just done so much|nuts stuff. I mean....

It's just off the hook,|off the walls. I mean....

You haven't done anything,|have you?

No.

It's kind of-- It's kind|of been my problem lately.

Come on, there's gotta|be something.

What about your girlfriend?

Okay.

We can figure this out.|You just need a girl.

What kind of girl?

Definitely someone cute.

Definitely.

Someone who can make|him laugh.

But he also needs someone|who's gonna push him.

Someone who's gonna|make him do...

...things he never thought|he could do.

Like stripping|in the middle of the street?

-Well, thanks for the ride.|-No problem.

Well...

...good night.

Good night.

"Good night"?|What are you, gay?

-I would have nailed her.|-Ok, you wouldn't have nailed her.

-Whatever, dude.|-And, you know, secondly...

...you know,|the vibe was not right.

The vibe wasn't right? She comes|to your house and makes you strip.

What does she have to do,|sit on your face?

Come on, b*tch.

-Damn. Should have kissed her.|-Are you okay? Dude?

All right, you all have|this graph, correct?

Good. Let's move along then.

Now, it's a very simple|equation here.

Somebody give me|the answer to this.

All right, if no one knows|the answer to this....

Looking at this calculation,|what does this make us think of?

Questions on this?

Good news, ladies and gentlemen.|Pop-quiz time.

That's Samnang Sok.|He's this complete genius.

So we raised all|this money for him...

...to come here and|study at our school.

-Who's "we"?|-Well, I mean, I did...

...but he could be|the next Einstein, you know.

You know,|he could cure cancer.

Let's go.

So, what do you wanna do?

What?

I'm not stripping again.

Come on.

Danielle!

Come on.|Where are you going?

Hey, come on,|let's get out of here.

How do you know|no one's home?

-I don't.|-Come on.

Seriously, this is nuts.

Oh, boxers.

I always wear boxers. You just|caught me on a weird day.

So, what's the craziest thing|you've done lately?

This is right up there.

Oh, my God.

-That's Mr. Salinger.|-Who?

That's my principal.|Seriously, let's go.

-It's not funny.|-It's a little funny.

Hey.

Just go with it.

Dude, I'm kind of uncomfortable|watching this with you.

Dude, learn to like it.

I'm all wet. Can I come in?

Hey, guys. This is Danielle.

You must be Eli. And Klitz.|Right.

Hey, come on,|we're all going out.

-Can I use your bathroom first?|-Oh, it's over here to the left.

-Dude.|-I know.

Dude.

I know.

-Dude, what are we doing here?|-Yeah, I know.

Guys, seriously, it's gonna get...

...broken up, like,|any second now, right?

Guys?

-Get the f*** out of here!|-Sorry.

Go.

-So, what do you wanna do?|-Let's just chill.

Hi, guys.

-Is this your party?|-No, it's a friend of mine's.

-I'm Hunter.|-Danielle.

This is Matthew.

-Hey, Matt, what's up?|-What's up?

Can I get you something|to drink?

-Yeah.|-Hey, man, what's up?

-Can you come here for a second?|-Yeah.

No, it's cool. They're pals.

What's up?

Yeah, man, this party's|getting kind of full, bro.

-Yeah, so?|-So you're gonna have to take off.

-Really?|-Yeah.

Okay, but I'm with her.|I mean--

Oh, it's cool, dude.|She's taken care of.

There's the door.

Yo, man!

When's Samsung getting here?

-Samnang.|-Yeah!

I love him.

Dude, I'm gonna do that little|guy when he gets here.

Hard.

Cool, dude.|I'm sure he'll like that.

Sam Young!

Excuse me.

-Dude.|-I know.

-What?|-You're coming with me. Right now.

Everybody out. Let's move.

I said out, minions! Move! Move!|Faster, you little maggots.

-So how's everything going?|-Fine.

Is everything, you know,|okay at home?

All right, what?

Perhaps you should have a seat.

Perhaps you should bite me.

Perhaps.

Matthew...

...we live in a crazy,|mixed-up world.

Crazy, but, oh, so beautiful.

Excellent, grasshopper.

And now for the final task|of your training.

You're gonna need a harder piece|of wood than that, cowboy.

-That's not her.|-Yeah, it is.

-Oh, no.|-Oh, yeah.

Matt! Matt! Dude, you're|missing the best part.

F***! F***!

Settle down, tiger.|I know. I know.

It's not funny.|Seriously, get away from me.

-Dude, don't mess this up.|-Mess what up?

Matt, she's a porn star,|okay?

Take her to a motel room|and bang her like a beast.

Eli, I like this girl.

And you can still like her|with your penis inside her.

I'm telling you,|you're gonna regret this.

What would JFK do?|You know he'd tap that ass.

Eli, I'm never gonna|see her again.

Oh, you know what? Fine.

-Fine.|-Fine!

Goddamn it, Matt.

I swear to God, if you don't|f*** her, I'll kill myself!

Matt, please. Please, Matt.|F*** her for me. For me!

-Oh, Marci, you're so funny.|-Oh, thanks.

-I just saw you naked.|-What?

Don't worry, honey,|you were only 2 days old.

-Let's see what else we have.|-Why are you here?

I just came here to say hi.

Hi.

Look at this one of him.

Hey, buddy.

-That one's the best.|-It is. He looks so adorable.

He looks really--|Oh, that's such a good one.

-Here you go, Danielle.|-Oh, thanks.

-Thattagirl.|-This is a cute one.

Oh, who's your daddy?

So you were going to school|in Los Angeles?

For a while. But then I started|working on other things.

Oh, what kind of things?

Let me show you.

Jesus!

-Are you okay?|-Yeah, I don't know, I....

I don't feel so good.

What can I do to make you|feel better?

I think I'm feeling|a lot better now.

-We can go out another night.|-No, we're going out tonight.

-You sure?|-Positive.

-I don't know if I can do this.|-Yes, you can.

But tonight, be the man.

First off, act like|you don't even like her.

-Hey.|-Hey.

Second, get her drunk.|Really drunk, okay?

That way the true porn star|will come out in her.

Here, I... I got us something.

Bourbon?

-Are you trying to get me drunk?|-No, what?

-I thought you like to rock.|-"Like to rock?"

Last and most important...

...always be touching her,|Matt.

That tells her you came here|to get down tonight.

What are we doing?

Just chilling.

Hey, look.

MOTEL|Glen Capri

Maybe we should get a room.

Okay.

Here it is.

This is-- This is really nice.

TV.

Air conditioner.

Got a little lamp there.

Is that Monet?

What?

-What are you thinking?|-What are you thinking?

I don't know.

Do you wanna f*** me?

Come here.

How do you want me?

Why are you doing this?

What?

This.

Isn't this what you want?

To f*** a porn star|in a cheap motel room?

So this is what|you think of me.

-Danielle, wait. I'm sorry.|-Let me guess.

You saw a tape,|and you thought:

"What the hell?|She does it for a living, right?"

-Eli told me to do it.|-Oh, now that's a mature response.

-Why didn't you just tell me?|-Because I didn't want to, okay?

Because I loved the way|you looked at me.

God, do you have|any idea how--?

Forget it.

-Hold on.|-F*** you.

ONLY 9 DAYS LEFT!|SAMNANG

You're done.

WHY DO I DESERVE|THIS SCHOLARSHIP?

Look, I'm an idiot, okay?|I saw the tape, and I freaked out.

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