The Girl Who Invented Kissing Page #5

maybe that's a problem.

- Okay.

- I got insurance bills,

car payments, I'm paying off

that stupid,

high-def TV that he wanted.

I'm paying liquor distributors

for this f***ing shithole...

Hey stop cursing,

you sound like Freddy!

[KEG CLANGING]

Hey, Vic.

Remember Mike LaMonica?

He went AWOL

on a f***ing submarine.

How do you do that?

What, did he swim?

F***ing Aquaman?

- PATTI:
Hey.

- This is what Patti tells me.

If I wanna get yelled at,

I'll go home and get yelled at.

Call me when you're in

a better mood.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

- [TELEPHONE RINGING]

- Oak.

Jimmy, where are you?

What do you mean, where am I?

You just called me, didn't you?

Are you coming home now?

No, how am I gonna come home?

I'm still trying to figure out

where the goddamn

money went, okay?

I'm up to my eyeballs

in f***ing paperwork.

Just stop calling me

every five minutes,

so I can get this sh*t done!

Okay, Jimmy.

But you are coming home, right?

Eh, yes no,

maybe, I don't know.

I'll be home

when I'm done with this, okay?

Just stop calling.

[TELEPHONE CLICKS]

[PHONE CLACKS]

[DOOR LOCK OPENING]

[DOOR SQUEAKING]

[FLOOR CREAKING]

[WATER DRIPPING]

[WATER TRICKLING]

[OPENING LOCK]

Oh!

Um, can you close the door,

it's cold.

[DOOR UNLATCHING]

Would you like some coffee?

Sure.

How long have you been

staying here?

Two weeks, on and off.

Now I know where all

the food's been going.

Victor let you in?

Of course.

I come in through the basement.

He said he'd talk to you first.

You don't say?

I don't suppose

he got the chance?

No.

You mad?

Listen, whatever your name is,

I'm really

not in the mood for this.

I'm having a bad day.

It's late.

I'm tired, so just...

What do you want?

I don't suppose you mean

what do I want in my coffee?

Okay, what do you

want in your coffee?

I'm not really a coffee person.

Can I have tea?

- I know what you're thinking.

- Do you?

You think I'm taking

advantage of your brother.

- And?

- Well, you're wrong.

I know he's different and

I know people around here

treat him like sh*t

and he doesn't deserve it.

And I respect you

for taking care of him,

and looking out for him.

If you weren't suspicious,

then you wouldn't be

much of a brother.

- Can we cut the sh*t?

- It's not sh*t!

What do you want?

What are you looking for?

I just wanted

to be his friend.

His friend?

Is that what you

think Victor thinks,

- that you're his friend?

- Yeah, I do.

No, no, no, no. See, you,

you're the girl

who invented kissing.

He told you that.

That's my fault.

I told him to pick out

a name for me.

Well?

What is your name?

Look, do you want me to leave?

'Cause I will.

I'm used to taking care

of myself, it's what I do.

You mean like with my money?

What money?

Victor didn't mention

anything to you

about the bar missing any money?

No, a**hole!

I don't appreciate

the accusation!

- Hey!

- If you got nothing to hide,

- you got nothing to worry about.

- THE GIRL:
Hey,

what the f***

are you doing?

- What do you got in here, huh?

- No one touches my f***ing sh*t!

A**hole!

Don't think I'm afraid of you

'cause I'm not, motherf***er!

Get the f*** off of me.

[HEAVY BREATHING]

[SIGHING]

[MOANING]

[MOANING]

[TV CHATTER]

I'm sorry I didn't come home

last night.

I know I told you I said

I would and I didn't.

So, let's just leave it

at that, okay?

Why is there three?

- It's a tea.

- A tea?

[DOOR CREAKING]

Morning.

JIMMY:
Morning.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, would you

like some breakfast?

No, thank you.

Breakfast makes me pokey.

Hey, Jimmy?

Did you find that money?

No.

What happened?

Jimmy lost $2200.

Okay, I didn't lose $2200.

The books are short,

that's all, so whatever I did,

whether I added wrong...

let's just drop it

Okay, you can't unring a bell.

Maybe you should

hire a bookkeeper.

[DOOR CREAKING]

DONNIE:

Happy Thanksgiving, guys.

- Happy Thanksgiving, guys.

- Look at the size of that thing.

I've got 27 pounds.

[INDISTINCT GREETING]

DONNIE:
What do you think, Vic?

THE GIRL:
I've never seen

something like that before.

PHIL:
You never seen

a turkey before?

Hey, Jimmy.

- What's up?

- She's invited, right?

Yeah, of course.

It's Thanksgiving, right?

DONNIE:
Yeah.

THE GIRL:
Turkey bowl!

[GROANING]

[MARCH BAND PLAYING]

So, it's you and you,

me, Donnie, Phil,

Freddy, Patti,

Irene, Irene's mom.

VICTOR:
Mm-hmm.

[MARCH BAND PLAYING]

[TV ANNOUNCEMENTS]

What is it?

Hour every three pounds or so?

JIMMY:
Something like that.

Frigging thing's so big,

I've moved all the racks,

it still barely fits in.

Guy's like a 35-pound

monster in there.

JIMMY:
Yeah, right?

Gonna go for a smoke.

Coming?

- No.

- No.

I'm gonna stay here

and chill with James, all right?

Keep him company.

Everything under control

over there, buddy?

Need any help?

Nah, we're good, Fred, thanks.

All right.

How's The Oak? Still got

that chick coming in there

who was blazing up

the weed in the bathroom?

No, no, we took care of that.

- FREDDY:
Oh, you did?

- Thank you, yeah.

Hey, Jimmy, let me

ask you something.

You ever see Patti

in there with anybody?

You mean like,

with a guy or something?

Yeah, like, with a guy,

you know,

like someone

that's not me, behind my back.

No, no, nothing like that.

- Patti's a good lady.

- Yeah.

She comes in with Barbara,

that's all.

[SCOFFS] Barbara!

Jesus.

You know, you got that

one that's married,

then you got one who's single,

the single one starts chirping

in the married one's ear

- and hello, here we go.

- I wouldn't worry about it.

But you know me.

I'm f***ing psycho, man,

I will put someone in the dirt!

Yeah.

[SIGHS] Aw, f***!

I'm f***ing paranoid!

Jesus Christ,

I wish that Barb would

just find a man already!

Yeah, right?

[FREDDY EXHALES]

All right, anyway.

Hey, who's that hot piece

of ass in there you knew?

You hitting that sh*t?

No, no, that's Victor's friend.

[LAUGHING]

- F*** outta here with that!

- Why, it's not funny.

Just relax,

I'm not saying nothing.

It's just that, I don't know,

she looks familiar.

I swear I've seen her before.

JIMMY:
All right, coming in hot!

[DINNER CHATTER]

- Wow!

- Nice.

Nice, good job, boys.

All right, Victor, the grace.

- Okay.

- THE GIRL:
Can I?

That's if Victor doesn't mind.

But Victor always does

the grace.

I don't mind, Jimmy.

Thanks.

All right.

I, uh, I don't really make it

to church ever,

but I just wanna

thank Jimmy and Victor

for inviting me into their home.

I pray the universe will help

those in their time of need,

pain, sorrow and sadness,

and give them hope,

strength,

and happiness to carry on.

And if on this day,

you can remember the poor,

the sick, the homeless,

and most especially, the lonely.

I'm hungry.

- Hallelujah!

- ALL:
Hallelujah!

FREDDY:
What do you want, this?

ALL:
Oh!

- IRENE:
I'm sorry.

- FREDDY:
Vic!

Aw, Irene, don't worry about it.

Come here, come here,

we'll figure it out.

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