The Girl Who Invented Kissing Page #4

still the same pain in my ass.

We keep missing each other

you know,

I come home, she goes to work.

Plus, I'm out there trying

to get my real estate

license right now.

I'm trying to make some

extra money, you know?

I hear you.

Listen, Freddy,

I'm... I'm having this problem.

I got this, uh, this drifter.

She keeps coming in the bar,

she's getting high

in my bathroom all the time,

I mean, what do I do?

Is she selling?

No, no, no, nothing like that,

but I mean, you know.

It's like reefer madness.

I mean, she's getting

high smoking a bone,

the whole place

stinks like weed.

Listen, don't worry about it.

F*** it, you'll be all right.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, she comes in again,

you give me a call.

I'll tune her up for you.

I'll see you later, Vic.

[DOOR BELL RINGS]

JIMMY:
What?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey!

No, no, no, no, no.

Not again today.

- You know...

- Nope, no. You gotta go, scram.

I have to use the bathroom,

is that okay?

I don't care,

what are you gonna do,

- smoke a bone in there...

- GIRL:
No, no.

No, you have to leave.

Well, we talked

about this already.

- JIMMY:
Now!

- I promised, Jimmy.

- I'm trying to run a business!

- THE GIRL:
Please!

I gotta pee!

I gotta pee, Jimmy.

Come on.

Make it fast.

What is this?

[GIRL WHISPERING]

She's gotta pee, she gotta pee.

["THEY WERE WRONG" PLAYING]

I wish I'd known

Maybe I could've helped you

But you were already gone

To the trouble that held you

Come knee high you were

Treated like the meantime

Well they might've been young

But excuses just become lies

They were wrong

They were wrong

They were wrong

They were wrong

The day is never too long

When it's gone, it's gone

They were wrong

My God, they're still wrong

We were drinking warm beer

At Ninth and Michigan

You were making me nervous

But I was still listening

Well he might've been a talker

But he never said too much

He was just a souvenir

From a cold done dead love

They were wrong...

THE GIRL:
Oh my God, oh my God,

oh my God, oh my God,

oh my God, oh my God, oh my

God, oh my God, oh my God!

...The day is never too long

When it's gone, it's gone

They were wrong...

There's two guys over there.

They're...

they're sucking each other off,

and they were trying

to get me to watch!

All right, hold on,

hold on, relax, come on.

Thank you, sir.

...Here's the saddest song

You never heard...

Hey!

What the f***

you two doing, huh?

...They deserve

We were in the front row

At the sad last goodbye

You were so pissed off

You were trembling inside

Why'd you ever live to wish

And wait by the front door

That your daddy

Never answered

And your mama won't any more

They were wrong

They were wrong

They were wrong

They were wrong

The day is never too long

When it's gone, it's gone

They were wrong

My God, they're still wrong

They were wrong

They were wrong

They were wrong

They're still wrong

They were wrong

They were wrong

They were wrong

God, they're still wrong

FREDDY:
You look pretty.

What are you doing,

you going out?

Wow!

That's it, huh?

One lousy piece of chicken?

So now you're unhappy,

I suppose...

All I'm asking

is if there's any more chicken.

Hmm?

There, now you got two.

You want three?

Don't know why

you're busting my balls, Patti.

Where were you last night?

Where am I every night?

You stop at that diner?

- Yeah.

- PATTI:
Yeah?

- Yeah.

- You had a nice little visit

with your waitress friend?

Well, they did serve me coffee

and a f***ing brownie,

so, unless brownies are giving

reach-arounds these days...

Come on, what's with all

the questions, huh?

So now I'm picking a fight?

FREDDY:
Oh, I get it.

You're on your f***ing period.

- Enjoy.

- Thank you.

- I'm going out.

- Nice, where you going?

PATTI:
I don't know, out.

Okay, I'll be here

with my one piece of chicken.

F***in-A,

I feel like Henry VIII!

[KEG SCRAPPING]

PATTI:

Karen LaMonica just went by.

Her son, Mike, he was on

a submarine for two years.

Heard he went AWOL last week.

Oh yeah?

Tell me what you meant

that time.

What?

You remember that time

I had that thing at work?

That guy knocked me down?

You asked me about Freddy,

why I didn't wanna wake him?

What'd you mean?

I don't know,

that was a while ago.

That was three weeks ago.

What'd you mean?

Nothing.

Then why were you asking?

I wanna know.

I don't know.

- [METAL CLANKING]

- Come on.

I wonder

why you won't just tell me.

Jesus Christ.

You know how much those

f***ing things weigh?

JIMMY:
I can barely roll one.

[METAL CLANKING LOUDLY]

He just moves them around

like he's Magilla Gorilla.

Do you think Victor's

ever had sex?

[CHUCKLING]

What?

He's your brother,

why you asking me?

I just thought that women

had like a sixth sense

or something

for that, I don't know.

Wait, you worried

about that girl, the pothead?

Why don't you just ask Victor?

Don't you guys talk

about that stuff?

I thought all guys talked

about who they slept with.

Come on.

Tell me what you meant.

I don't know, I...

I don't know, Patti,

some maniac jumps you at work.

You get blood all over you.

You call me

to make you feel better.

Three times, you call me.

Not your husband.

What does that tell you?

He was sleeping,

didn't wanna wake him up.

You'd have woken me up though,

right?

- Yeah.

- JIMMY:
Yeah.

- That's different.

- Why's it different?

You're beautiful, you know that?

Keep dreaming.

Okay, you're right, you're not.

I'm making it all up.

I'm just trying to build

up your self-esteem.

You're actually ugly.

And you're nuts.

Is Freddy nuts too?

Yeah.

I mean...

[SCOFFS]

What are we talking about Jimmy?

Us.

It's not like

that's gonna happen, is it?

It's not like you're

gonna leave Freddy.

Who says so?

I look for excuses all the time.

- Nice, you need an excuse.

- No!

It's not like you

don't have Victor.

I don't have Victor.

What is that supposed to mean?

Victor's fine

- on his own...

- PATTI:
You know what I mean.

He's like a big kid.

He's sweet, he's like

a big, sweet lummox.

All right,

Victor is not a lummox.

I said sweet...

- Oh, that makes it better.

- Lummox.

Well I didn't mean

it in a bad way!

Well, how do you mean it then...

- Well, you know...

- Is there a good way?

I wouldn't never talk...

that way about your brother!

You just did.

Look, he is what he is.

There's just plenty a better

choice of words than lummox.

PATTI:
Like what?

Magilla Gorilla?

Come on, you took

it the wrong way.

I'm sorry, okay?

It's just we both have things

that come along with the deal.

JIMMY:
F***!

What's the matter?

I'm missing $2200,

that's what's the matter!

- How?

- It's all f***ed up.

Victor loses half

the goddamn bank receipts

and I got nothing to go

on but these shitty books.

I don't know why you

don't have a bookkeeper

- to do all this.

- Just relax, okay?

You don't understand relax

and I can't afford

a f***ing bookkeeper,

'cause I'm missing $2200,

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