The Gods Must Be Crazy Page #4

to send us this thing...

...but it made my family unhappy.

Please take it. ``

Sorry, no sabe.

Where`s the truck?

I`II try and get it down.

There was a peculiar sound, and Xi saw

a most amazing animal approaching.

Its legs went around

instead of up and down.

And there was

a weird-looking god on its back.

He wore blue skin on his head

and red on his body.

And hair grew on his face.

What the heII happened?

Where have you been?

The funny thing was

that they couldn`t speak.

They made sounds like monkeys.

-Hi.

-What happened? Where`s the antichrist?

What the heII did you do that for, huh?

I`II teII you Iater. Let`s get it down.

And the IittIe Bushman?

What`s he doing in these parts?

I don`t know. He was trying

to teII me something.

-You speak Bushman?

-Yeah.

The hairy one could speak.

He says, ``Thanks for the bottIe,

but you can have it back.``

I didn`t give it to him.

-WeII, he don`t want the bottIe.

-Then he`d better throw it away.

The hairy one said, ``We don`t want it.

You`ll have to throw it away yourself. ``

Xi was very disappointed.

It was unfair of the gods to make him

throw it off the earth.

In fact, he began to doubt

whether they really were gods.

Get out! Get out!

Get out! Get in there.

Get in there! Move it! Move it!

Let`s go! Let`s go! Let`s go! Let`s go!

Yes, yes, yes. Here comes

the great white hunter to the rescue.

Miss Thompson, I presume.

HeIIo, Steyn. How wouId you Iike

to traveI in styIe for a change?

Yes, thank you.

How do you open this thing?

With a can opener?

Quaint. MiIady?

-Thank you very much, Mr. Steyn, for....

-Bye-bye, Steyn.

Goodbye, Miss Thompson.

By the way, I am Jack Hind.

The Reverend`s worried.

He got to me on the short-wave...

...so I offered to Iook for you.

That was very sweet of me.

-It sure was.

-WouId you Iike to sit over there?

Sure.

Thank you, Mr. Steyn.

See you, Steyn. See you, Mpudi.

I don`t want to taIk about it.

She thinks I`m a Iunatic,

and I don`t bIame her.

You know, she asks me what do I do,

and I say I coIIect manure.

I don`t teII her I anaIyse it

for my doctoraI thesis.

I bet you she thinks I shoveI the stuff.

Was it rough?

I`d rather not taIk about it.

That rough.

It won`t be Iong now,

and your suffering wiII be over.

When you get there, you`II have to

stand there and Iook beautifuI...

...whiIe the whoIe tribe sings

their weIcome song at you.

Then you can reIax, have a bath

and a nice breakfast.

Is it true that when a rhino sees a fire,

he stamps it out?

Where did you hear that one?

Did Steyn teII you?

Why wouId he teII you that?

I`d rather not taIk about it.

-Here. This`II put hair on your chest.

-That`s aII I need.

She wouIdn`t beIieve me about

the warthog and the rhinoceros.

-What rhinoceros?

-I don`t want to taIk about it.

So how did this thing get up the tree?

She got stuck in a watape tree

and I had to....

You know she`s got fIowers

on her panties?

So that`s how this thing got up the tree.

Yes.

Don`t I wave or take a bow

or something?

No.

Notorious Communist guerrilla leader

Sam Boga and his band...

...have crashed through into Botswana.

-They are heading for Mozambique.

-WeII, how many?

Not even 300.

I toId you bastards,

don`t waste ammunition!

Now we can`t even fight back anymore.

AII of you switch your guns over

from automatic to singIe-fire.

Anyone withholding information

which could lead to their capture--

That`s automatic. That`s singIe.

Citizens are warned that Sam Boga

is a dangerous person...

...and that he and his gang

are well-armed. So it`ll be unwise--

And why are you so beautifuI?

I`m going to the schooI

to give her these.

You gonna Iook Iike that?

-Like what?

-Like it`s a funeraI.

You`ve gotta smiIe

and teII her she Iooks good.

How are you an expert on women?

I got seven wives. How many you got?

-Why aren`t you at home with them?

-I know how to marry them.

-Nobody knows how to Iive with them.

-So, what did you marry them for?

Someday I have to teII you

the facts of Iife.

``And yet we aII agree

that every pIate we break...

...was cracked by Mr. Nobody.

`Tis he who tears our books, who--``

Come in.

Good morning, Mr. Steyn.

Morning, cIass.

Good morning, Mr. Steyn.

I-- I brought--

PIease, just Ieave it.

I brought you your shoes.

Come in.

Come in.

Shoe.

You don`t want to taIk about it, huh?

Shame.

The animals looked ridiculous

but good to eat...

...and he was hungry.

Suddenly a young boy made

chattering noises at Xi.

So he said, ``I shot

one of those animals.

It`ll go to sleep soon,

and then we can eat it. ``

But the boy ran away, maybe to call

his family to join in the feast.

There was a weird sound...

...and another of those strange animals

with the round legs appeared.

The young boy and a grownup got

out of it, and seemed very excited.

Xi said, ``Come, sit down.

There`s enough meat for all of us. ``

But the man was rude and greedy.

He took the whole animal.

He said, ``You have very bad manners.

If you eat the whole thing,

I`ll have to shoot another for myself. ``

The man shouted,

but he didn`t want anything to do...

...with such an uncouth person,

so he ignored him.

Suddenly there was a thunderclap.

The animals ran away, and he ran

after them. He was very hungry.

Do you speak EngIish?

You are free to remain siIent

untiI you have seen your Iawyer.

If you speak now, whatever you say wiII

be taken down as evidence against you.

And why are you so beautifuI?

I got to go to court.

What did you do?

The cops were here. They say they

caught a IittIe Bushman for stock theft.

They say aII he can speak is ``Xixo,``

so they want me to interpret.

Xixo.

Xixo.

They brought Xi into a place

with several people.

He smiled at them in greeting,

but nobody smiled back.

Interpreter.

You, Xixo, are hereby charged with

wrongfuIIy and unIawfuIIy sIaughtering...

...one goat on the 2 1 st of September,

How pIead you?

GuiIty or not guiIty?

Mpudi found it difficult to interpret

because, in his language...

...there was no word for ``guilty. ``

FinaIIy he asked,

``Did you shoot an animaI?``

Xi said, ``Yes, I did, but that man took it.

He did not want to share it with me. ``

-WeII, what does he pIead?

-Not guiIty.

-They gave him the death sentence.

-For kiIIing a goat? No.

Three months in jaiI, same thing.

He gonna die for sure.

He never seen a waII.

Now, he got waIIs aII around him.

But didn`t you expIain to them?

-They said, ``SiIence in court.``

-Yeah, but sureIy they ought to know.

Nobody knows the Bushmen.

Nobody ever goes

into the deep KaIahari.

How come you know so much

about them?

When Botswana beIonged to the British,

I hit a poIiceman for insuIting my father.

So I fIed, right into the KaIahari.

I died, you know. Dehydration.

Some of those IittIe buggers

found me, and buried me.

OnIy my head stuck out.

For two weeks, they pushed water

and food into my mouth.

And when they dug me up,

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