The Gods Must Be Crazy Page #3

You`II never start her.

Don`t park on a sIope.

You got no hand brake.

Now you teII me.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye, Andrew.

-Take care, now. Goodbye.

-Bye, Mpudi.

One day, a very noisy animal rushed

past where Xi was sleeping.

It left very peculiar tracks, as if two

enormous snakes had slithered past.

Everybody Iie down on the ground.

AII of you, Iie down!

Come on, Iie down, you and you!

Everybody Iie down!

Hey, you! Didn`t you hear me?

Lie down!

He can`t hear you, sir.

-He`s deaf.

-Shut up!

Hey, wake up!

Come and give us petroI here.

Did two jeeps pass here?

Yes, sir. They took haIf my stock.

They took a big can of petroI,

and they made me to Iie down.

If you find them, ask them.

They must pay me my money.

It`s a Iot of stuff they took.

Morning.

-Miss Thompson?

-Yes.

-My name--

-How do--?

My name-- My name is--

My name--

My name is Andrew Steyn.

How do you do?

The Reverend cracked his crankcase,

so he asked me to....

Thank you.

How far do we have to go?

How far do we have to go?

How--?

Oh, sorry.

HeIIo, Andrew.

HeIIo, Phineas.

-Good morning, madam.

-Good morning.

-I`m sorry, madam. Sorry.

-It`s aII right.

Here. I`m truIy sorry,

madam. Sorry.

It`s aII right.

What are you doing?

What--? What--? What are you--?

Your brakes are shot.

-Yes.

-What are you doing?

I`m opening the gate.

How do I get out of here?

No, it`s aII right. I....

Now I just....

-Oh, this is too weird. I`m getting out.

-No, it`s okay. I just have to....

-What are you doing now?

-I`m cIosing the gate. But don`t worry.

Are you crazy? It has no brakes!

Do you wanna get me kiIIed?

-Are you crazy?

-AII right, it`II come back.

-What?

-The Land Rover, it`II come back.

-What do you mean, it`II come back?

-It`s aII right.

-I suppose you think it was funny.

-I`m sorry. The brakes don`t work.

I noticed.

Xi saw a strange-looking person,

and greeted him.

But the man didn`t hear him.

Xi said, ``This is a funny stick.

Did it grow on a tree?``

He couldn`t understand

why he ran away.

He realized the man must`ve seen

the evil thing he was carrying.

That`s what made him run.

-She stopped.

-I noticed.

Can you start her again?

No. We gave her new rings,

and they`re very tight.

-How far are we from the mission?

-About 30 miIes.

-WiII we get there before dark?

-I don`t know.

-This thing has stopped.

-I noticed.

Are you sure you can`t start her?

Yes. This morning it took a horse

and three men.

-So now what?

-I can make a fire.

And there`s some food

and a sIeeping bag.

Spend the night?

I`m afraid so.

You sure this thing`s stopped?

Yes. Didn`t you notice?

I can carry you across.

Then you don`t have to....

Okay.

Watch it! Be carefuI!

Thank you.

I`m sorry. I`m sorry.

-I`m sorry.

-Look at my dress! I Iost my shoes!

-Your what?

-My shoes.

I`m sorry.

WeII, watch it, buster.

I`m sorry.

-Sorry. I`II fetch your bags.

-No! You`II drop them!

I`II get them myseIf.

I`m aII right. I`m okay.

Leave that one. I don`t need it.

Idiot.

What are you doing?

Leave me aIone! Don`t you dare!

-Go away!

-It`s aII right. She`s gone!

Keep away! You keep away from me!

No, I wasn`t-- There was this warthog.

-What warthog?

-She`s gone, but--

Keep away.

-I wasn`t--

-Go away!

I wasn`t--

I didn`t....

Half a mile away, Xi was fixing dinner

when he was rudely interrupted.

Half a mile away, Xi was fixing dinner

when he was rudely interrupted.

The rhino is the self-appointed

fire-prevention officer.

When he sees a fire,

he rushes in and stamps it out.

-Do you work here in Botswana?

-Yes, I-- Yes. Yes.

And what do you do?

I-- I coIIect manure. I--

Get away from-- Get away from--

Leave me aIone!

Miss Thompson?

Miss Thompson?

Miss Thompson!

Miss Thompson!

Oh, it`s aII right. He`s gone.

-Who`s gone?

-The rhinoceros.

What bIoody rhinoceros?

Didn`t you see him?

He stamped out the fire.

You stamped out the fire.

I saw you.

No, he did it first.

I didn`t want him to come back, so....

-But didn`t you see?

-Keep away.

Miss Thompson, if you make a fire,

and a rhinoceros sees it...

...he comes and stamps it out.

Rhinos do that.

It`s a most interesting phenomenon.

You get sudden urges, and come

up with warthogs and rhinoceroses.

AII right, I`II show you.

I`II make another fire.

Think I`m Iying. I`II show you.

You see how I`m making another fire?

You`II see he`II come back.

Think I`m a Iiar.

Maybe it`s too far away.

Maybe it`s upwind.

Mr. Steyn.

Ask them. They`II teII you

rhinoceroses aIways stamp out fires.

I don`t speak the Ianguage.

Okay, I`II ask them.

-See?

-I noticed.

They`re Tswanas. They aIways shake

their heads when they mean to say yes.

What are you doing?

I`m making coffee.

Some peopIe didn`t show

me their passports.

They smashed the barrier.

They`ve got guns. This is Frank.

-Were they in two jeeps?

-Yes, sir.

They`re being followed by

armoured cars. Can you see them?

Excuse me, sir.

-Yes, sir. I can see one.

-Stop them!

Yes, sir.

Stop! Stop, stop, stop! Stop!

Frank?

Frank? Frank, what was that noise?

Frank?

I stopped them, sir.

Right. Explain that they cannot cross

our border under arms.

We cannot allow them to violate

our territorial integrity.

Request permission to cross

your border in hot pursuit of Sam Boga.

Sorry. We cannot allow an armed force

to come into Botswana.

I gotta get Sam Boga.

He shot up haIf our Cabinet.

Our police will track him down and

hand him over to you, dead or alive.

Bye. Bye. Can`t they heIp us?

They`II take a message to the river.

I think I can get the thing

out of the river.

There`s an eIectric winch on the front.

Mr. Steyn?

Mr. Steyn!

-Miss Thompson?

-CouId you heIp me, pIease?

Don`t Iook.

That`s a watape tree. You mustn`t go

near a watape tree. They grab you.

CouId you hand me my gown, pIease?

It`s in the suitcase.

The pink one with the white edging.

Ow! Thank you.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

That morning, Xi saw the ugliest

person he`d ever come across.

She was as pale as something

that had crawled out of a rotting log.

Her hair was quite gruesome...

...long and stringy and white,

as if she was very old.

She was very big.

You`d have to dig the whole day

to find enough food to feed her.

Go away.

Although it was a hot day,

she was wearing skins...

...that looked as if they

were made from cobwebs.

She was doing strange

and magical things.

It struck him that she must be

one of the gods.

He wondered what she

was doing on earth.

He was glad he met her.

He`d give her the evil thing...

...and go home to his family.

He said tactfully that he didn`t need

the thing, and she could have it back.

But she was very rude,

and she walked away.

-That`s a Bushman. How`d he get here?

-I don`t know. He`s rude.

There was another god.

He had a fire inside him.

The smoke came out

through his mouth and nostrils.

Xi said politely, ``It was kind of you

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote