The Golden Boys Page #2

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...like you're talking about.

Pass me that pen.

Wife wanted...

...by ex-seafaring man...

...of...

...steady habits.

Willing to work...

...and keep house...

...shipshape...

...and aboveboard.

No sea lawyers...

...need apply.

Address...

- "Skipper. "

- Good.

I liked that bit about sea lawyers.

It'll keep the loose-tongued

ones away.

Well, Jerry.

Now all you have to do

is pick yourself out a wife...

...and tell us what you want

for a wedding present.

A divorce.

Mighty sharp buggy, Web.

Good day to you, gentlemen.

Nice weather.

Good for picking

them cranberries, I hear.

Slick. Slick.

Now that he got

that rum-selling license...

...he'll be purring just like a cat.

I'm all right with cats...

...but there's something about a cat man.

- How do you do, Captain?

- Mrs. Small.

What a surprise to see you here.

I swear if you ain't been a stranger.

Ezekial, get up and give

Captain Hedge your chair.

No, no.

Don't go to all that trouble, Mrs. Small.

I'll just sit over there on the sofa

with Captain Bartlett.

- Hey, John.

- Hey, Zeb.

I didn't expect to see you here.

I'm glad, though.

Every God-fearing man in this town...

...has need to be on his knees this day.

Have you heard about it?

Captain John is talking about

that rum-selling license.

Web Saunders has got.

Ain't it awful?

How you doing, Melissy?

Yes, of course. Hello, Captain.

And how is Captain Perez?

He's just dandy.

He always has a kind word for you.

Anyway, I says to Prissy Rend.

"There is going to be

a judgment on this town...

...sure as you're

a living woman," says I.

And she says, "You are right,

Melissy. " And then I says...

We are blessed this day.

...to have with us the Reverend Perley.

...to lead us in the meeting.

Amen!

Brothers and sisters...

...here we are, a-kneeling

at the altar's foot.

And what's going on outside?

Why, the devil's got his clutches in our

midst.

The horn of the wicked is exalted.

They're selling rum...

rum in this town!

The people of Chatham have been

slow-footed in the Lord's vineyard.

I tell you, brothers and sisters...

God has given us a task to perform.

And what have we done with it?

We sat still...

...and let the devil have his way.

And now the grip of Satan

is tighter on the town...

...than it ever was before.

Do you think that

that hellhole down yonder...

...is going to shut up

because we talk about it at meeting?

You think Web Saunders

is going to quit selling rum...

...because we say he ought to?

Do you think God is going

to walk up to that door...

...and nail it up himself?

No, sir!

He don't work that way!

We've talked and talked,

and now it's time to do!

Ain't there anybody here

that feels a call?

Ain't there axes to chop with

and fire to burn?

I tell you, brothers,

we've waited long enough.

And I, old as I am...

...am ready.

Lord, here I am.

Here I...

Play, sister.

...from temptation.

And show to us a sign.

That to every small...

Okay, here we go.

Zeb...

...do you believe...

...that man's law...

...ought to be allowed

to interfere with God's law?

Well, in most cases...

...it's been my judgment that it pays...

...to steer close to both of them.

Suppose God called you...

...to break man's law and keep his.

What would you do?

Well, I guess...

...the first thing would be to make sure...

...that it really was the Almighty

that was calling.

Let me help you aboard, Captain.

Maybe there just ain't

no interest in having...

...a seafaring man of steady habits.

Jerry, it's just exactly like I told you.

Here's my favorite.

Well...

Nifty writing.

"Mr. Skipper, sir...

"I saw your advertisement in the paper.

"and think perhaps you might suit me.

"Please answer these questions

by return mail:

"What is your religious belief?

"Do you drink liquor?

"Are you a profane man?

"If you want to...

...you might send me your real name...

...and a photograph. "

Photograph? The only one I got

is a cracked one...

...from my first marriage.

It's turning yellow.

Will you please let the man finish?

Thank you, Perez.

"If I think you will suit...

...maybe we can sign articles. "

"Yours truly, Martha B. Snow...

Nantucket, Massachusetts. "

She sure don't mince words, do she?

You know what I like about it most?

The shipshape way she puts it.

You know what I like

is that part about signing articles...

...like she was signing on to a voyage.

Seems to be exactly

what we're looking for.

Well, I don't know. What's the hurry?

I mean, next batch of letters...

...are liable to have

one that's much better.

In the meantime,

this house keeps looking...

...like the fo'c'sle on a cattle boat.

You know, Jerry...

...I don't really see how

you could do much better.

Go ahead, you know. Do what you like.

I'm only a devilish fool that's got to

take in boarders and get married.

That's all the hell I am.

Excuse me.

Be careful.

Right there it says...

"Are you profane?"

You fellas are enough

to make a preacher cuss.

Well, go ahead and write her...

...but I'm giving you fair warning.

I ain't going to have her

if she don't suit.

I ain't going to marry a skeleton.

...and crawl into bed

with a bag of bones.

We did not open it.

We felt all hands should be on deck...

...before we did anything that important.

Hurry up and open it

before he messes his pants.

Oh, please!

Thanks, Perez.

"Captain Jeremiah Burgess.

"Sir...

"I like your looks well enough...

"though it don't pay to put

too much dependence on looks...

"as nobody knows better than me.

"Besides, I judge that picture you sent.

"was took quite a spell ago.

"Anyway, you look honest...

"and I am willing

to risk money enough.

"to carry me to Chatham and back...

"though the dear land knows.

"I ain't got none to throw away.

"If we don't agree to sign articles...

"I suppose likely you will be willing.

"to stand half the fare.

"That ain't any more than right,

the way I look at it.

"I shall come to Chatham

on the noon train Thursday.

"Meet me at the depot.

Yours truly, Martha B. Snow. "

And there's a postscript.

"I should've liked it better.

"if you was a Methodist...

"but we can't have everything.

...just as we want it in this world. "

She sure don't waste

no time, does she?

She's pretty prompt,

I'll sure say that for her.

Is that all you've got to say

after getting me in this scrape?

Don't go on your beam-ends, Jerry.

- There ain't no harm done yet.

- Ain't no harm done?

I don't know nothing about her.

She might be 100 years old,

for all I know.

And she's coming down here

on the forenoon...

...to marry me by main force...

...and you expect me

to marry a Methodist?

- Now, hold on!

- I'm a pilgrim!

Hold on!

Jerry, I like the way...

...the woman's got it put together.

She's got sense.

You can't just sell her a cat in a bag.

A cat in a bag?

Well, I don't know

what you mean by that.

You had me doing all this

at a flip of a coin...

...and then I'm going to have to

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