The Good Guy Page #3

Of questionable integrity.

Well, I think it's gonna be great.

Yeah, of course you do, Stephens.

Finally, someone on the desk

that gets less ass than you.

All right, that settles it.

I'm leaving my wife of ten years

and I'm moving in on Steve-O's couch.

- who said you could have my couch?

- Did you say ten years?

You get married when you were, like, 24?

Yeah, I met here when I was 22.

I got married at 24.

- Christ on a bun.

- You know, it's just different.

- I'm sure I'll be there soon enough.

- Yeah.

Sorry I'm late.

- Hey.

- we're doing this whole system upgrade.

And we can only reset the servers

after you guys leave.

Plus the new software rollout

Is taking forever.

Right. Daniel, you know Chris Baker's

no longer with the firm, right?

Yeah, I heard.

- That sucks.

- Yeah, it does.

We've been talking.

And we thought that...

you'd be the right guy

to step into his spot.

Starting immediately.

- wow.

- Yeah, wow.

- He's got a lot of big accounts, though.

- Don't worry.

We'll split them up.

This is a bit of a

sink-or-swim business, mate.

Opportunities like this,

they don't come knocking often.

Yeah.

Look, I mean, we'll all

be there to help you out

till you get your legs under you.

You're gonna be

an old pro in no time.

- All right.

- we got you.

Thanks, Tommy.

I'm not gonna let you guys down.

Good. Sorry, guys, couldn't resist.

Here. Don't worry about it, drink it.

No, no, I f***ing hate tequila, Tommy.

- This is the good stuff.

- Hey, do you have any lime?

Doesn't even taste like tequila.

Jeez. Here's to Daniel.

- All right.

- welcome on board.

That f***ing tastes like tequila.

Tastes like honey.

I'm just saying that if I were black,

I'd just want to be called black.

You know?

It just sounds so cool.

Why would you say that?

African-American just sounds

awkward and lame.

- why would you say that?

- It's okay.

I'm allowed to speculate

about how I might feel.

I'm also ethnic.

I mean, do you really prefer

to be called African-American?

You mean despite the fact

that I'm neither of those?

- Right.

- Okay.

Okay, so in England,

What do they call a black--

Englishman.

Who are you bringing

to Cash's mid-year dinner?

- who am I bringing?

- Yeah.

I didn't know

I was supposed to bring a date.

I didn't even know

I was supposed to go.

Okay. Saturday. Homework.

Tomorrow. You guys with me.

I gotta go.

Hey. Dust someone off.

It doesn't have to be anything special.

- Ladies. Any chance, ladies?

- So, where are we gonna go now?

Any, any chance whatsoever?

I don't know, okay?

But it's Tuesday.

- I can't stay out past 3.

- we have got to go.

Hey. How's it going with the new guy?

He's fine.

Just he's one of those lost souls

that kind of dropped

off the grid for a little bit

to find himself.

I'm not so sure it worked.

Why do you want to hire him, then?

No, I mean, he's smart.

And he's a f***ing computer genius.

I mean, maybe all those stupid

Army training commercials were true.

Hey, so, you coming over?

I wish I could. I just--

I gotta get up early tomorrow

to cover for Chris Baker.

I'll call you tomorrow,

though, I promise. Okay?

- Okay.

- Good night.

Would you please

stop checking on me?

Have you even talked

to anybody yet?

I feel like a total perv.

The last girl I talked to was

In the prenatal care section.

Hey. Bookstore was your idea.

I know. It's just...

not everyone is good at this stuff.

All right, Daniel.

You are a great guy.

Okay?

Any woman in this city

Would be lucky to talk to a guy like you.

Oh, my God.

You should see this girl

Who just got in the line.

There you go.

- Now go talk to her.

- I can't.

- what do I say? I don't know.

- lt'll come to you.

Just move before someone else

gets in line in front of you.

Sorry.

Where in Italy are you going?

Oh. I'm not.

I'm just returning this.

That's too bad.

It's amazing there.

Yeah. My trip there just got canceled,

so that's not really what

I need to hear, but yeah.

Did I say amazing?

I meant awful.

Full of ltalians.

Does that help at all?

Not really.

Well, you know what,

you should keep it

and put it in a place

Where you'll see it all the time,

and that way you'll always be reminded

about how much you want to go.

That might be the worst idea

I've ever heard.

Yeah, but you know

you'd end up going.

I mean, you know

What they say.

If you forget your dreams,

It's like they never existed.

Who says that?

Nobody. I just made that up.

But it's true.

Next.

Oh.

You go ahead. I think

I might keep it, actually.

Thanks.

Next in line, please.

Sir, can I help you?

Oh, I need a book.

So, question is

Which one of the three women

did he hire?

The one who redecorated the office.

- wrong.

- The one who doubled their sales.

Nope. Daniel?

Then the one who loves children.

No.

The one with the biggest tits.

That must be how Larry got the job.

One look at these man-b*obs

and I was in, huh?

Hey, Daniel, you got any jokes?

Yeah, let's hear from the new guy.

Oh, I can never remember any jokes.

Oh, come on.

You gotta know at least one.

Yeah, come on, Daniel.

Well, I guess I can think of one.

But it's so stupid.

Come on, go ahead, tell it.

Okay.

What do you call

a fish with two knees?

I don't know. what?

A two-knee fish.

Like tuna, but--

You have to think about it.

That's a-- That's a classic.

- That's actually pretty good.

- That one, yeah.

- where are we going tonight?

- Should we just hit the usual petting zoo?

No. No strip clubs tonight.

Let's meet some civilians.

Yeah. Hey, hey, Daniel?

You know any girls

Who'll meet us out?

Yeah, who you got on speed dial?

I don't know a lot of women

I can just call up like that.

Well, okay.

Where's the hot spot?

You know, wednesday nights.

Wednesday?

I don't really go out much on wednesdays.

Anymore.

Anymore. This guy-- Animal.

- Nut?

- I'm okay.

Thank you.

Pick up the phone, say hello.

Go ahead, pick it up.

There's no one there.

Humor me.

- Hello?

- Good.

Hang it up and do it again.

- Hello.

- Very nice.

Pretty easy, huh?

Really f***ing easy.

But I don't pay my salesmen

millions of dollars

to answer the phone.

I pay them to make it ring.

Billy Simmons called today.

He doesn't want Daniel to cover them.

Any idea why?

They're very different people.

You are on--

Sit the f*** down.

You are only going

to bat for that guy

because you know

that you will own him.

You can fool everybody else, Tom,

but you can't fool me.

He's the type of guy

I want on my team.

- He's honest, loyaI--

- Like Chris Baker?

Make no mistake,

Daniel will throw you under a f***ing bus

the first day he gets a chance.

This is not sleepaway camp, Tommy.

Your job is to make me rich. Period.

Now, however you're gonna get

that guy a f***ing personality,

you better do it fast,

or I'm gonna fire his Rainman ass

and get somebody in there

Who does want to take your job.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry.

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