The Good Neighbor Page #2

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half to death?

Trust me, he deserves it.

Why?

I'm not gonna get into it.

But there's other sh*t, too.

He used to call the cops on us

all the time, even as kids.

And didn't he poison the

Lindeman's dog?

Yes, yes, he did.

And he watches people.

Yeah, he is an old, miserable,

wife-beating, dog-killing...

Drunk sack of sh*t.

I mean, I for one, am not gonna

lose any sleep over this.

Well, what do you mean he

watches people?

I mean, he watches people,

the neighbors.

He just stands in the window

and stares at them.

Yeah, it's creepy.

Even at night, when you

can see him.

Harold Grainey's a freak. He's

probably watching us right now.

F*** you.

I'm serious!

Ten bucks says Grainey

is watching us right now.

We can see it right here

on the Th...

You guys!

No, come on!

Look, take a look.

Take a look.

Get on over there.

Okay, so you see that beige

house right there by Sanjay's?

Okay, look up in the top

left window.

Right there, do you see that?

The shadow?

I don't see anything.

No, babe, behind the curtain?

Look closer... closer.

What the f***? Ethan!

F***ing a**hole!

I told you, you'd be surprised.

Turn that light back on.

All right, it was not

that funny.

Oh, it was that funny... Sean?

Nice.

Day six, first incident, we're

gonna call this one light's out.

Now as you can see, I've...

Wait.

Cat... oh, damn it.

Here, take this. I can change

to the ceiling cam.

No, no, no, this shot is better.

Uh, do not enter.

I told you not to point

that thing at me.

I just told you not

to enter, so...

Why are the lights so low?

Do you need something?

I'm on my way to work, there's

money on the counter for pizza.

And Sean, don't let him do

anything stupid...

And can you at least try

to hide the beer?

Yeah, noted.

Wait, can you shut the door,

please?

Okay, start from the top.

Wait for the f***ing cat

to move.

Come on, baby.

All right, you ready?

Oh, sh*t.

Grainey, you okay?

So now what?

Well, now we wait.

I don't want to drink any more

of that beer.

Why, you want a f***ing Zima

or something?

No, it just tastes like sh*t.

Okay, I'll be sure to get you

something frilly.

You can get a Cosmopolitan

or something.

Bottled diarhea or something.

Well, it's a man's beer...

So it makes sense that you

don't like it.

F***ing p*ssy.

Oh, it's so terrible, isn't it?

I just puked a little bit.

In your pants?

No, I'm good.

Dude, he's sleeping.

He's not sleeping. Look at him.

Do it!

Is he gonna move or...?

Where you going, Grainey?

Yeah.

Oh, sh*t.

What's going on?

Dude, turn the lights back on.

Yeah.

What the hell is this?

Evening, sir.

Evening.

I'm responding to your alarm

that went off a short while ago.

What alarm?

You're getting this, right?

Yeah, but we don't have any

audio in the foyer.

Jesus.

No, it hasn't worked

for 15 years.

Well, maybe it's just an

electrical disturbance.

We are required to respond.

You mind if I come in?

Um, yeah, yeah, I do.

Sorry?

I said, "yes, I do."

And the only disturbance

I've had tonight is you.

All right, I'm glad you're safe.

Thank you.

Have a good night.

Thanks for your concern.

Holy sh*t, did you just

see that?

What do you think he said

to him?

Please state your full name

and occupation for the jury.

Christopher Todd Palmer...

Officer in the Ashland police

department.

And how did you first come into

contact with the accused?

I was the first officer to

respond to the scene that night.

Officer Palmer, would you please

describe for the court...

Exactly what you saw when you

entered 614 covered bridge road?

After responding to the call,

I canvassed the house.

I entered through the open

front door with my weapon drawn.

I was the only officer there

at the time.

And what did you find when

you entered the house?

I heard a noise coming from

the living room...

So I approached.

That's when I saw the defendant

standing over a body...

Covered in blood.

Harold?

Harold!

I know you're in there!

Whoa, check this out.

Hey, dude! Dude, hey!

Wake up!

We got a visitor.

Here he comes.

I need for you to sign these.

I can see your car out here.

Hey, what the hell just

happened?

Crap, I don't think our video

card driver...

Likes our surveillance software.

We... we have to get this! All

right, you said this would work!

Yeah, I know, I'm not doing

this on purpose, it just...

Oh, there, it was just

interference.

I wonder if this is the infamous

ex-Mrs. Grainey?

Thought he would have poisoned

her, too.

Okay, fine, Harold!

You win... again!

What she leave there?

What the hell is wrong with him?

What do you think so far?

Uh, it doesn't really matter

what I think.

Objectivity, right?

Yeah, but you're the social

scientist here.

I mean, what are your

observations?

Uh, honestly?

Yeah, honestly.

I think scientifically...

It's interesting enough just

watching someone.

Uh, you know, observing someone

in their natural state...

Uninfluenced... there's

something fascinating about it.

Yeah, kind of.

But, uh... that's not what

we're doing here.

Remember that?

Damn it! Son of a b*tch!

Rocky... rocky!

Get out of here! Get out

of here, you half breed!

Shut up! Get him out of here!

Hey, come on, what's the problem

here, man?

What's the problem?

Well, the problem is your dog is

pissing and messing up...

My property. Let him piss on

your property, okay?

Come on! Easy, easy!

Maybe I should teach him

a lesson.

Keep that son of a b*tch

on a leash, okay?

'Cause the next time, if it

happens again...

I'm gonna cut him in four pieces

and send him home in this can.

Let's go, boy.

Let's go, boy.

Come on.

Mwah-hah-hah!

Harold?

Harold?

This screen door won't stay

closed. It keeps popping open.

The kitchen is a mess.

I have to get groceries.

Do you think you can

give me a hand?

You know, I really need your

help around here.

I mean, just... just once,

for me, just something!

Can you at least fix this door?

See you tonight, Grainey.

Ashley, you've never even

been camping.

Why would you... why... you just

bought that for no reason?

Quiet, I'm on the phone.

Why are you drawing d*cks

on everything?

It's my "faux de c*cks".

What?

No, no,

Sean's just filmin me right now.

It's so immature.

Reprimanding me.

On so many levels.

Because I've got c*cks

on my wall.

Well, no, they weren't...

I drew them on the wall.

Good evening, ladies and

gentlemen.

This is part two of a segment...

That I like to call

"knock knock".

You ready? All right.

Go, and ready, and wakey-wakey!

There we go, that's a good

little boy.

Here he comes.

He's so confused.

Why isn't he moving?

I don't know. Let's speed

up the door.

Okay.

What the f***?

Where's he going?

Why doesn't he care

about the door?

Not in his bedroom.

He's not outside, I...

The garage.

Sh*t. I told you we

needed a camera in there.

I mean, this is one of these

vital moments where...

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

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