The Good Neighbor Page #3

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Is that...

Jesus f***ing Christ.

He's f***ing crazy.

Holy sh*t.

What the f***?

Is he... is he looking at us?

Holy sh*t, dude!

Hold on!

He knows!

He does not know!

Just hold on!

Of course, he knows!

Look at his f***ing eyes!

I mean, he's probably coming

over here right now!

Sean, hold on! Relax.

Zoom in.

See? He's just staring

at the wall.

Now this guy is fascinating.

Ethan?

Wait, where is he going?

He's going outside.

Check the other cameras!

Okay.

No. No. No.

Well, where is he?

Ethan?

You swear he didn't see us?

Uh, maybe he'll leave.

Okay, take the camera.

No, I'm not gonna take the

camera! We need to hide, man!

Shut up! Just take the camera!

Are you f***ing kidding me?

What? He's not gonna kill two

people on their own door step.

He's not that crazy.

You're sure?

Okay, if this is done,

then it's done.

So we either call the cops...

Or go to the door and see

what he wants.

Either way, if you don't record

this...

I'm gonna come back here

and kill you myself.

Sh*t.

Ethan.

Dude, no!

Ethan!

Ethan?

Ethan!

There you are!

I get one night with you...

And I have to spend it coming

across town hunting you down?

Why didn't you answer

your phone?

You crazy old man.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah.

Get you in the limo.

F***, I...

Jesus, man.

You have a problem.

It's 10:
00 in the morning.

I... I...

We are 11 days in.

Some definite incidents

to report.

Uh, this is the first time that

Mr. Grainey has not left...

His house at the usual time

in four weeks.

Also, a few slight hiccups

in our disturbances.

The first of which was alerting

the police...

With our electrical

interference.

And the second, and more

interesting being...

What can only be described as a

psychotic, violent assault...

On the old man's own property.

Uh, one thing is for sure, it

doesn't seem that he suspects...

Any human interference, but his

behavior is definitely changing.

As such, the experiment at this

point, can only be described...

As a success.

I just think we should

be careful.

Why don't you tell everybody

why you feel this way?

Why don't you turn

the camera off?

I'm just saying, why do you

want to stop this?

Oh, let me guess, you're afraid

that it's actually gonna work.

Hey, Sean, honey, whose house

are you at tonight?

My mom's.

And is she cooking you dinner?

Uh, no, she's working late

again.

Well, then, you're having

dinner with us... again.

Great.

You know who little Albert is?

It's some weird way of

introducing me to your dick?

We learned about this in psych,

dude.

Back in the 20's, Johns Hopkins university did this messed

up experiment on behavioral conditioning in infants.

The baby they used was called

little Albert.

They would set little Albert

on a mattress...

Next to a white lab rat.

At first, he just played

with it.

He didn't have any reason

to be scared.

But after a while, every time

he touched the rat...

It would startle him.

Ringing loud bells or whatever.

And Albert would cry.

Eventually he started to

associate the rat...

With frightening sensations...

And whenever he saw anything

that looked even like a rat...

With or without the sound,

he became terrified.

Okay, help me out, because I

know you have some point here.

My point is... be careful how

far we push this guy.

We're creating something that

isn't what it seems.

It can do more damage

than you think.

All right, boys,

it's almost ready.

I'm just saying... they never

cured little Albert.

All right, so tonight, we're

gonna take things down a notch.

Maybe slamming doors was a

little bit too much, too fast.

So, we've come up

with a new haunt.

It's always a classic,

and relatively harmless.

Now as you'll notice, our old

man fell into another...

Whiskey-drenched slumber.

Well, that is a shame that we're

gonna have to wake him up.

This little number I like to

call, "the moonlight sonata".

Oh, wow, and this could not be

more perfect.

Sean, if you'll do the honors.

Dude, oh, my god, that's...

What are you doing?

Carrie, what are you doing?

I'm dancing, Harold.

Carrie, it's 3:
00

in the morning.

Is it?

You're drunk, Carrie.

I think on a night like this I'm

allowed to be, don't you think?

No, I don't, I think you

should be in bed.

So I can wake up tomorrow and

everything will be better?

So you're being...

No! I want to dance!

Listen to me.

No!

Oh, my god!

The neighbors are gonna hear us.

Do you think I care about the

f***ing neighbors?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Hm... that's interesting.

At least he didn't

hit it with an axe.

All right, it's 11:40 pm.

And Grainey just unlocked

the padlock...

And went down into his basement.

Check it out.

What the hell is a 150-year-old

man doing...

In a basement at midnight?

It's not the lock that matters,

Sean.

It's what's worth locking up.

I mean, Grainey doesn't even

lock his front door...

But he locks his basement?

Isn't that strange to you?

Yeah, no, that's definitely

strange to me.

And there's something mysterious

happening...

But I also think we need

to maintain objectivity...

Which is one of our rules, and

not jump to conclusions, so...

Man, we're gonna be so f***ing

famous after this.

What, man?

We're gonna be so f***ing

famous.

I think people are gonna find

it interesting, absolutely.

You're gonna be famous

in your lifetime...

It's 'cause you're

YouTube famous.

'Cause you made like make-up

tutorial videos...

Or candle reviews.

Dude, you know what? I respect

the candle reviewers.

I mean, come on!

Hah-hah-hah!

What? They got viewership.

I mean, I would give the world

for a million views.

Yeah, of course, you would.

This goes out to all the people

that gave me one million views.

Captain's log, day 13.

Our fearless leader

has succumbed...

To a six pack of keystone light.

But we must forge ahead and film

absolutely everything...

For posterity.

This is Ethan, asleep...

Across from a video

of an open doorway.

Exciting stuff.

Notice the drool forming

on Ethan's pillow...

Next to his face.

We'll keep that for the

director's cut.

This is Ethan's shoe, which

features a crudely-drawn...

Flock of peni for some reason.

Let's play a game called...

How many things does Ethan

have open on his computer...

Slowing down our video feed.

Okay, let's do this.

World news, close.

Buzzfeed, close.

Reddit, close, Facebook,

Spotify, Netflix...

Close, close, close.

Pornography... of the Asian

variety.

Unshaved, uh, very discreet,

Ethan, close.

An IMDB search for...

'Mac and me'.

Close, and...

Dude, dude, dude, dude, wake up.

What?

Get up!

I gotta show you something.

Here, take the camera.

F***... what?

Okay, so, this is Grainey

going down...

To the basement at 11:38 pm.

Okay.

This is Grainey now.

Live feed.

Okay, yeah.

And this is Grainey coming out

of the basement.

Okay, I...

Note the time difference.

6:
55 am... so he was down

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