The Good Thief Page #5

and Jesus said to him,

if I remember this right...

"Tonight you will be

with me in paradise."

And the thought that there was a place

in heaven for a thief always made me cry.

You want to make me cry now?

You gotta watch this cynicism, Roger.

It's too easy in that job of yours.

- I'll work on my attitude.

- You should. You should.

Bob. You saved my life,

but if you try something...

- Try what?

- Do I have to spell it out?

I'll put you down for life.

- You're a cop. That's what you do.

- What are you?

I was good at thieving once, Roger,

and I may not be the Good Thief yet...

but I am trying...

believe me, I am trying.

Now if you excuse me.

I have to

pay my respects.

She was a good woman.

My mother.

What do you know?

It's the Candy Man.

- Is that my new name?

- Yeah.

Got a kiss for me

this fine evening?

Yeah, sure.

Your boyfriend Paulo...

what's he up to?

- Works with Bob.

- On what?

- Doesn't tell me.

- What's he working on, baby?

That surprise.

- On a safe.

- What safe?

Give me first.

A safe with 80 million.

That's all I know.

Got a light?

That's it.

I'm giving up smoking.

- Do you know nicotine's

more addictive than heroin?

- Really?

Ask any junkie.

- Are you done?

- Mm-hmm.

- Anyone clock you?

- I don't think so.

Guy with short hair with the ear piece.

Do you notice him?

- Huh? Well, he noticed me.

- Yeah.

Come on.

- You want to see the vault?

- Yeah.

I do my regular check

on their system.

I plant my beetle.

Meanwhile, you enjoy the view.

- From where?

- From the car behind.

A reasonable picture, up to 100 meters.

Then it gets emotional.

- Emotional?

- Kind of fuzzy.

- Oh, emotional.

- He has some kind of fancy system.

- Yes.

- And there is nothing in that vault?

- Oh.

I got a fine assist,

I guess we'll soon find out.

Bon soir, monsieur.

- Plans of the villa.

- Where did you get them?

- Architectural Heritage Society. Very helpful.

Security room, basement.

Don't you guys know me by now?

- Procedure is procedure.

- Oh!

Procedure is procedure.

Sounds like a techno band from Dusseldorf.

- Oh.

- Wow!

No fantasist he.

Good.

Could you...

- Thank you.

- Guess what that is.

- What?

- The old Napoleonic sewers.

They run downhill

towards the sea.

That's our way in.

Turn that off. We can watch it later.

Come on.

Do you think I'm blind or something...

that I haven't noticed

what you're up to?

- Yvonne...

- Men coming here to see you,

phone calls, everything.

You're crazy.

Bob, I haven't forgotten

that I opened this bar...

with money you lent me.

- So, if you need money now...

- You're mad, Yvonne.

What put that idea in your head?

If you get yourself arrested,

you wouldn't survive, you bastard.

Would you come and visit me inside,

bring me whiskey in a flask?

- It wouldn't be the first time.

- Do you know him?

No. Never saw him before.

Why do I

imagine I have?

- Ciao.

- Take care.

Turn around.

Follow me.

- What's up?

- Behind me. You remember him?

Philippa, hop in that doorway

and find out what his beef is.

- What the hell?

- Oh.

You think

he whacked Philippa?

Nobody whacks Philippa.

You're twins, right?

We're onto you.

Whoa, whoa.

What the f*** do you think you're doin'?

- Get off!

- Philippa! Stop! Stop! Stop!

- My arms are getting tired.

- Phil, be a bit more gentlemanly.

This is Albert. That's Bertram

you're abusing. They're twins.

This is Albert. That's Bertram

you're abusing. They're twins.

Now, say you're sorry.

- Sorry, Albert.

- The name's Bert.

Let's go through it again.

This time pretend I'm slow.

- Slow?

- Yeah, it means stupid, um, kind of.

- It's simplicity itself.

- He's in charge of the deposits to the safe.

They change

the combinations weekly.

- I get the numbers. I make the deposits.

- He gives me the combinations.

The night before the Grand Prix, while he's

in the manager's office, I'm on the floor.

- The staff take me for him.

- He has access to the safe,

and my alibi is solid as a rock.

I see. You've put a lot

of thinking into this.

Two heads are better than one.

- So, what was your plan?

- Nothing like yours.

- Infantile in comparison.

- We need help to move that kind of money.

So, if you want in...

- No one's ever seen you together.

- No one in Monte Carlo.

- Give us a day or two to think about it.

Right, Paulo?

- Or three.

You go out the back.

You go out the front.

- Crazy, boss, huh?

- Totally.

But, you know, we want them

to think we want that safe.

Twins. You see Roger's

following that?

How's he gonna know

they're twins? Tell you what.

Call him in a day or two.

Go through their plan again.

- It has the benefit of originality.

- We've got that meeting.

Yeah. You go out the back.

I'll go out the front. Try to lose Roger.

Start without me

if you have to.

Would you drive me, Roger? I have a meeting.

I'm attending Narcotics Anonymous.

That was your support group

up there?

- Yeah.

You're welcome to join me. You should

support me in my battle against my addictions.

Your addictions being...

Gambling and narcotics.

Okay, guys, imagine this is a vault.

All the alarms will be...

coming in from here...

And reinforced steel floor...

- You know, every addict,

Roger, has an enabler.

- Nobody tells me anything.

The one who, through no fault of their own,

maintains the addict in their habit.

- Often needs the addict in their habit.

- Let me guess. Your enabler is...

- Is you.

We're codependents, Roger.

We have been for years.

I mean,

look at you, now.

You're chasin' me, because you imagine

that I'm chasin' a big score.

- And maybe the cure starts with you.

- The cure?

- Yeah, because deep down

you want me to try that big one...

if only to see

how I'd do it.

There's nothing I can do

that'll convince you that I'm clean.

It's unhealthy, Roger.

- It means we're both hooked.

- Running through a tunnel...

between the ceiling

and the floor...

Bill packs these mikes... Make sure

you keep that needle below 90. Right, Vlad?

You wanna come up?

We can explore these issues further.

- I haven't hit rock bottom yet.

- You will.

- Are you sure?

- The cure starts now. Say it.

- Say what?

- "My name is Roger. I'm an addict in recovery."

- No, no. You say it.

- My name is Bob,

and I'm an addict in recovery.

And today is the first day

of the rest of my life.

My name is Michelle, and I am an addict.

Hello, Michelle.

My name is Anne,

and I am an addict.

- Hello, Anne.

- My name is Case.

- I am an addict.

- Hello, Case.

- My name is Bob, and I'm an addict.

- Hello, Bob.

My name is Franois,

and I'm an addict.

Hello, Franois.

Paulo replaces the grill

and joins Bob and me in the casino.

We keep them busy there.

And... no smoking.

Okay, guys:
Mikes, needle, gas main,

grill and casino, eh?

- And that's how it works in theory.

- Yeah, in theory.

We rehearse this on Friday.

Did you explain everything?

- Yeah, yeah.

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