The Good Thief Page #4

Yeah. Someone put in

a good word for me.

I thought it might be you.

That cop's a friend of yours, no?

- Were there any conditions?

- I had to sign up for rehab.

- So, you're clean too, huh?

- Yeah, I'm clean.

But I've got a line

on some golden brown.

Oh. How are you gonna

make ends meet...

now that you're not filling up

that hole in my arm?

- Ciao, Yvonne.

- Let's go.

- Ciao.

- Is Fernandez around?

- Why you want Fernandez?

Ask him, does he still want pesetas

to open that club in Rio?

- But it's no good if we can't shoot.

- No boom-boom, Louis.

This won't be the movies.

- You mean, I can't even shoot blanks?

- No.

- Action.!

- Shh!

Oh, you look like

you kept in shape, Philippe.

Yeah. I work out.

But you know the way it is.

- Time passes, we all change.

- Uh-huh, do we ever.

Yeah, well, some

more than others.

- I don't know quite how to put this, Bob.

- Tell me anything, Philippe.

Okay, it's Philippa now.

But if you still want me, I'm in.

- Hey, Luigi.

- Oui, oui?

You know what he used to say:

I never borrow, I steal.

Well, he was a good thief here.

I can see some Ingres.

Bit of Velzquez

in these eyes.

And this neck.

Some of those old Etruscan vases they used to...

pick up on the beaches

at Pompeii.

If this is hot, Bob,

I'm not touching it.

It was a bet.

On my child's life.

If this is hot, your child

won't have a life.

I've got too many raps

against me already.

There's no signature.

A lot of'em aren't signed.

Here.

- Pamplona, 1969.

- Mm.

- And that's the signature.

- Yeah.

I'd say, two to three

million dollars...

at auction in New York.

- I take my commission.

- Twenty-five.

- Are you in a position to bargain?

- Thirty then.

- With a 10% advance.

- One and a half million francs.

If there's something you're not telling me,

what's my security?

There's nothing I'm not telling you.

And you have the painting.

Does it come

with wrapping?

Hello, Big Ears.

Hello.

So, how many of you guys knew

Philippe had turned into Philippa?

- Well, I knew.

- I knew too, Bob.

- Yeah?

- You mean, you didn't know?

- Nobody tells me anything.

- Enough about me.

Are you going to tell us why we're here?

- Yes.

- Hello.

- Hi.

Jack Daniels?

The fakes are cover

for the real.

It travels on the grapevine.

The real one stays mum.

- Yeah.

- How do we keep it mum?

We all trust in each other

in this room.

We've all

worked together.

Any of you lets a whisper out,

I'll lock him in the bathhouse with Philippa.

How do they travel

on the grapevine?

Why do you think

I asked to meet here?

There is your snitch.

See how simple it becomes

when you embrace your own Judas?

Oh, my God.

You did sell your soul.

- I had to sell something.

- To whom?

- Tony Angel.

- Tony Angel?

- I hope you got a fair price.

- I got this.

Fernandez.

Luigi.

Petit Louis.

- Philippa.

- Hey. Aren't you worried about Philippe?

- Why? Should I be?

- Since he...

You know.

Became Philippa.

When he had his balls cut off,

he lost his balls, so to speak?

That's sex discrimination,

Paulo.

- But women, they talk more!

- Does Philippa look like a woman to you?

No, he looks like, uh,

Philippe... with melons.

I'd trust Philippa with my life.

I'll tell you what. Tell her if she talks,

I'll cut off her cojones.

Or did she lose them, too?

- What was that about?

- You told me to be nice to the patrons.

Now you're jealous.

That's sweet.

- Don't wait up for me.

- Now I'm jealous. Where are you going?

- I got to meet Bob.

- Always meeting Bob. What is it this time?

- I could retire on this.

- So R.E.M. Took the bait?

Oh, f*** rock 'n' roll.

You heist guys are easier to deal with.

So, what do

the heist guys think?

- Oh, it's amazing, Vlad.

- Almost.

A problem if you heist guys

get too noisy.

All the system

still in place.

- Over 90 d.B.'s, there is alarm override.

So, we mike ourselves.

Carry a decibel comp.

- Regrettably, the best Vlad can do.

- How about the cameras?

You could have orgy there.

Nobody would notice.

- You into orgies, Bob?

- No, not since '72.

It's a deliberate mistake.

I got a good computer graphics.

But I'm not Czanne.

I need photographs from the casino...

- to fill all these frames.

- I need to see that vault.

I have an appointment Tuesday

to upgrade their system.

I can't get you in there,

but it doesn't mean you cannot see it.

Hey, you!

- Tell me you love me.

- I can't. You know that.

What kind of girl is it

cannot say three words?

Very tired girl.

From a deeply dysfunctional family.

- I say it to you!

- Nobody asked you to.

What do I have to do

to get you to say it?

Huh?

Get me the moon.

I'll do better.

Suppose I told you I was going

to rob the Casino Riviera on

the night before the Grand Prix?

And all for you.

- How much in the safe?

- Is that all you can say?

That's all.

Eighty million francs.

So say it.

Eighty million francs.

- It's Roger.

- Are you sure?

- Certain.

- Aw, sh*t!

- Change of plan?

- Yeah. You gotta take the train.

- And you take the camera.

- You mean this lighter is a camera?

It's a Minox. Do you think

I was gonna go up there with a Nikon?

Take pictures of paintings.

Then play slot machines till I get there.

- How does it work?

- Open it up...

look through the viewfinder,

give yourself a light.

- You like smoking?

- Not that much.

There's 24 paintings.

That's 24 Marlboro Lights, I hope.

I was trying

to give it up.

Roger, I've given up my studies

on the probability theory.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah, all that computation addles the brain.

All I can say now is,

"What a coincidence!"

- No. No coincidence. I was following you.

- Hot damn, wrong again.

- You found religion?

I'm paying my respects...

to my mother.

- Do you remember that village

where she was born?

- Yeah. Bas-sur-I'Eau.

- Yeah. That G.I. That came out of the sky?

- What is your father?

Yeah. Well, they moved here,

to the old town.

He became a junkie.

And when he up and left...

she became one of those ladies in black you see

over there lighting candles.

Praying for

her husband's return.

- Were her prayers answered?

- Well, the way all prayers are answered.

Not in the way

she wanted.

He turned up again when I was seven,

clean as a whistle...

with a new wife named Dora...

took me to a new life in America.

And, by the time

I made it back here, well...

- She wasn't lighting candles anymore.

- Yeah.

You know, that's the third

version you've told me.

Well, that's the truth.

- So is it true what they're saying?

- What are they saying?

Well, they say

you're back in business.

- No?

- The only business I'm in, Roger...

is the business

of recovery.

Three weeks. I'm clean.

Our daily bread,

forgive us our trespasses...

Have you heard the story

of the Good Thief, Roger?

- No. I'm not religious.

- No. Neither am I.

But when my mother told it,

I guess it stuck.

The Good Thief...

beside Jesus on the cross...

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