The Goodbye Girl Page #8

Sexy girls!

- What kind of show they got?

- Very dirty! Filthy show!

Next one in ten minutes.

- What do they do?

- I don't know! It's too dirty for the help.

Hey, get out of there! Come on!

You want to go inside?

Come inside, quick!

- What is it?

- There's a drunk onstage!

Throw that creep out of here!

I'm the doorman. When he comes down,

I'll open the door.

You want to get paid, or not?

Which one of you people

is causing all the trouble here?

You need any help, big fella?

Get him out of here!

Sit down so we can all enjoy the show.

All I want is a kiss. Just one little kiss.

I don't even know you

and I don't kiss on the first date.

They liked us! Get a seat! They liked us!

Get rid of that bum!

Come here, you little twerp.

I'm gonna bust your stupid face!

They don't want to see that!

You don't want to see the little twerp

get his face...

Tough crowd. Let's talk this over, okay?

We'll talk it over. My name's Tony.

What's your name?

- Earl.

- Earl what?

Earl this.

It's my first standing ovation.

You know what Cynthia Fine said?

Who is Cynthia Fine?

The girl in my class with the braces

and the big chest.

Elliot picked me up from school today

and Cynthia says he's got charisma.

I looked it up and he does.

All right, cut it out.

Cut what out?

Stop trying to make something between us.

Me? Cynthia Fine says...

Cynthia Fine, my behind!

Stop pushing me.

Who's pushing?

You are. Your fingerprints are

all over my back.

He's okay, all right?

Once in a while he even acts

like a regular human being...

...but stop pushing me

because that man is not my type.

- I heard that. What did you say?

- If you heard it, why are you asking?

What did you say?

I said your type never hangs around

long enough to stay your type.

That is a rotten thing to say.

I know. I just felt like saying it.

Sometimes I can be so goddamn furious

with you...

That was a stinky thing to do!

What happened to your eye?

I used it to stop a fist

from going through my face.

Oh, my God.

What kind of meat is this?

Veal parmesan. It's better than potato salad.

- Let me put some ice on it.

- I'm out of work again.

You two have nothing to worry about anymore.

I've decided that you can stay

as long as you like.

It's my only hope for survival.

- Something is bound to turn up.

- You think so?

Cynthia Fine thinks you've got charisma.

"Charis" yourself to bed young lady.

Put that on your eye.

What do you think I've got?

Do I "charis" you at all?

I'm not talking about talent-wise, you dig?

Talent-wise, I'm very secure.

Just appeal-wise, I'm a little shaky.

Come on, you can tell me. I can take it.

Am I as adorable as I think I am?

You are outrageous!

I cannot keep up with your energy.

They must pick you up on CB radios in Alaska.

You get the feeling

something is starting between us?

I graduated from high school 16 years ago...

...and that was the last time

I heard that line.

Out of my way, please. I have to sell

my little Japanese cars in the morning.

That's why you got the Kabuki makeup on?

And you let me stand there.

Give me a towel.

Don't you ever do that again.

Your lips may say no-no,

but your eyes say yes-yes.

Don't get cute with me!

You know your goddamn nose drives me crazy?

- What's wrong with my nose?

- It's pug. Very pug.

It shoots down straight,

but then it turns pug at the last second.

Don't.

- We have a hot infatuation here.

- I have no time for romance.

I have a daughter to save from rickets.

You drove me crazy the first time

I saw you through the crack in that door.

I said to myself, "This is the best

half a face I ever laid eyes on."

Don't make me laugh. I am not on your side.

The smell of your hair drives me nuts,

I'm telling you!

I could be sleeping, you walk by my door...

...my nostrils wake me up and say,

"Who's that comin' down the street?"

You're embarrassing me.

I'm 33. I'm not supposed

to get embarrassed anymore.

If you were a Broadway musical,

people would be humming your face.

Please, don't do this.

Don't make me feel happy.

I hate that "Goddamn, it's wonderful

to be alive" feeling.

Do not come into my life.

I just got through putting up fences.

Can I walk you to your door?

It's a rough neighborhood.

Yes, call me Elliot.

I've already bitten your neck.

Elliot! I am praying to God

this is gone in the morning!

The hell you are!

Meet me in the kitchen tomorrow night.

Dress casual.

- Where are you running?

- I want to see Lucy before she goes to bed.

Wait, I have a message for you.

The Maserati people are throwing

a small party upstairs at 21...

...and that guy, Giorgio, you know

the one that smells better than us?

He specifically asked for you.

"The girl with the laughing teeth."

I can't. I've got to go home.

I don't understand! That guy is gorgeous!

He told me to tell you that.

If it was any other time...

Elliot?

Are you up here?

Say something.

I don't like this.

I said it was formal, kid!

Party's got to be over by 9:00 a.m.

Otherwise, it's another $5 for the suit.

Don't panic!

Even Ginger was nervous

the first time she danced with me.

"How about you?

"I like a Gershwin tune

"How about you?

"I like the fireplace when the lights are low

"I like potato chips,

moonlight and motor trips

"How about you?"

What are you crying about?

So kill me...

...l'm a sucker for romance.

Elliot Garfield is a many-faceted individual.

I got a job.

A real acting job.

You did? Where?

The Inventory.

It's an improvisational group on Charles St.

They saw Richard III.

They said if I could do that,

I could do anything!

- Don't let it rain.

- Don't worry about it.

The suit's too big for me anyway.

I auditioned for them today.

It's improvisation, you understand.

Now, very difficult...

...but I auditioned with

this very talented girl, Linda...

Is she pretty?

No, very unpretty. Very ugly. Unpug-nosed.

I played Abraham Lincoln.

Mary Todd Lincoln's out of town.

General Grant takes me to a cathouse.

We're all tryin' to act very dignified...

Don't stop, I never danced in the rain!

The hell with dancing,

my pizza's getting drenched!

Wait.

I got it.

I'll get it.

What happened after you found out

about this other girl and Tony?

- Bobby. Tony comes after Bobby.

- Sorry.

It happens all the time on the road.

He's gone for six months with the play,

he gets lonely.

The only time you have a good marriage

is when your husband is in a flop.

He's broke, but he's home.

How'd you meet Tony?

I'm ashamed to tell you.

Why?

I saw him in The Iceman Cometh

at Circle in the Square.

He wasn't very good, but he was gorgeous.

I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

Don't ask.

I waited until he came out

of the stage door...

...and I introduced myself,

like a regular groupie.

A week later I moved in with him.

I used to do things like that.

Why?

When you dance in the chorus of a musical...

...the boys' voices are usually higher

than the girls.

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