The Grand Page #11

Synopsis: An improvisational comedy using a handful of actors playing characters competing in an actual poker tournament.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Zak Penn
Production: Anchor Bay Entertainment
 
IMDB:
6.0
Metacritic:
57
Rotten Tomatoes:
40%
R
Year:
2007
104 min
Website
145 Views


Pocket tens.

Big slick, ace-king.

Holy sh*t.

And here's the turn.

It's the jack of hearts.

That's no help to Harold.

He still needs a ten,

or he's gonna be

eliminated in third place.

An ace on the river

gives Jack Faro

two pair, aces and kings.

Harold Melvin

has been eliminated.

Good game.

You played well.

You, too.

I came into the table

at a tremendous

chip disadvantage.

I played as well as I could,

but the odds were against me

from the beginning.

Are we done?

Harold.

We're down to

heads-up action between

Lainie Schwartzman

and Jack Faro.

The winner of this tournament

will take home $10 million,

and the money's

out on the table.

Think about

what this buys, Phil.

That's three luxury homes,

that's 10 or 15 sports cars,

that's countless

items of jewelry.

And how many speedboats?

Speedboats.

Um, that would, uh--

It would depend

on the speedboat.

A $500,000 speedboat.

Do the math.

You can probably do it

on the back of an envelope.

Off the top of your head.

It's, uh--

That's-- It's 11.

Well, maybe I was thinking of

a different kind of speedboat.

Or maybe you're

just a f***ing idiot.

[sighs]

Pressure.

A lot of pressure, Jack.

Sure is.

And we're heads up.

Lainie with

a slight chip lead.

She's been quietly

building that stack all day.

6-8 of hearts.

A playable hand here

for Jack.

Yeah.

Looks like he's

going to call.

Action on Lainie.

I'll raise.

[Dealer]

Raising.

And she's gonna raise.

[Dealer]

1.2 million more.

2.4 speedboats.

There it is. Call.

Jack makes the call.

And now

the all-important flop.

7, 6, 4 on the flop

for Lainie.

She has an open-ended

straight draw.

She needs a 3 or an 8

to make the straight.

[Dealer]

$2 million.

Jack with the best hand.

A pair of 6s.

All in.

That's 2 million,

and he goes all in.

Great read from Jack Faro.

I'm gonna call.

And Lainie will

make the call.

Holy sh*t-f***ers.

Jack is 66% to win.

What are you gonna do

with the money, Jack?

I'm gonna save

the Rabbit's Foot.

I kind of think my grandpa

would've appreciated it.

What about you?

I've got five babies

to put through college.

Wow.

Yeah.

So this oughta do it for 'em.

And, uh, you know...

Fred has some good ideas.

That's your lucky husband.

My very lucky husband.

[Dealer]

If Lainie wins,

she's the champion.

F***. I need

some f***ing cards, man.

Let's see 'em.

Holy sh*t.

Open ended straight draw,

up and down.

He's got a pair of 6s,

with a gutshot straight draw.

Gonna need a 3.

I need an ace.

Ace.

Come on.

An 8.

[Dealer]

Ace.

Lainie is the grand champion.

[crowd cheers]

Ace on the river.

Aw, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t.

You take this now.

It brought me luck.

It'll bring you luck.

It'll bring you

f***ing luck, Jack.

Yeah, I'm gonna need it.

[crowd cheers]

What? No.

No, you didn't.

Yes!

No, you didn't!

Yes, I did!

You didn't!

Yes, I did! I did it!

Son of a b*tch!

No! No!

Shh! Shh!

Don't wake up the kids.

What'd you do?

I did it. I swear.

[stammers]

Okay.

You gotta bend back

when you do that.

You gotta bend back.

Okay, I'll bend back.

Oh, man.

I don't believe it.

I know. I know.

Oh, God, I wish I came.

I should've saw it.

No, no, no.

You were here.

How did your night go?

Hey, did you get Manning?

I did.

I got Manning.

You did?

Yeah.

This is unbelievable.

It's like--

you won 10 million,

I got Manning.

It's like

a $20 million night.

I know.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Grandpa.

Are you-- Are you--

Yeah, Jack.

Are you warm in that coat?

No, I'm a ghost.

Oh. So-- Because we didn't

bury you in that.

I just wondered, did you

get to pick your own outfit?

Jack, I'm not here

to give you

a f***ing seminar

on the hereafter.

I'm here to talk about

the Rabbit's Foot and you.

Yeah, I'm sorry, Grandpa.

I just f***ed that up.

Now, you listen to me.

I started this

because I liked it.

I liked kneecapin' people.

I liked cheating 'em,

I liked taking their money

and watching their dreams

swirl down the toilet.

Deuce and I are like that.

You're not like that.

You just do it because

you think you have to.

Well, that's a waste of time.

Go live your life.

Want to shut up?

I'm trying to take a leak.

What about your legacy,

Grandpa?

Aw, I don't care

about that anymore.

I'm dead. You can dig up

my corpse and piss on it

for all I care.

Maybe you fags

should get a room.

You ever had your ass

kicked by a ghost,

cocksucker?

Grandpa!

Grandpa?

Jack grew up

in this business.

Jack knows what

he's getting into.

And if he would've won,

he would've been a hero.

The Rabbit's Foot

would've survived.

I don't know.

Now they're doing something

else with it, I guess.

But it's like

everything else,

you know?

One of these days

they'll blow that up, too.

Mr. Lavisch.

Renee.

First of all,

let me apologize, uh,

for calling you

a ridiculous,

pathetic excuse

for a human being.

I would humbly

ask you to consider

letting me back

on to the Lavisch team.

You know what the problem is?

It's really two rooms,

isn't it?

It is.

It's not one room,

it's two rooms.

Yeah.

That's really what it is.

It's two rather than one.

At first it's hard to notice.

It takes a while to see it.

Dad, can I just

get my job back?

And then we could

move on from this.

Look, two things.

First of all,

you don't call me Dad

unless it's Thanksgiving

or your birthday.

My birthday.

I know.

What's the second thing?

Thanksgiving, birthday.

That's two.

Put on your hard hat.

Sorry. Safety first.

[Andy]

I read a book

by a guy named Werbe

who said "change

your personality,"

and I looked at it as

that was just one more

piece of ammunition

I could use

that nobody else

would know.

We're gonna go undercover

to The Grand.

We're gonna--

We've never played

poker before.

We don't know

what we're doing.

We're so dumb,

we're from the Midwest.

Of course, I've played online.

Of course, I've sat

at my computer.

I've won over

a million dollars online.

And it worked.

I come in pretending

not to know anything.

I'm this guy Andy Andy,

and I take out Phil Hellmuth

and Doyle Brunson.

All right, I didn't win,

but jeez, it was great.

[waves, sea birds]

I lost. I came in third.

Ruth disappeared one day,

and I thought that she had

been abducted or murdered,

but then she called

and said that she had moved.

Frank Werbe has theories

that suggest

mental impairment,

so, not surprisingly,

Ruth made a poor choice

in running away with him.

I am alone in my

condominium now,

which is neither

good nor bad.

It is simply

the present reality.

[Larry]

Things are good.

Things are really good.

Believe it or not,

I still play a lot of poker,

but I--

not as competitively.

I've been teaching poker

to American Indians,

trying to get them in it.

My sister.

And, you know, I've actually

been spending a lot of time

with Lainie and Fred

and the kids

and hanging out with them,

and, you know,

I've started seeing

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Zak Penn

Zak Penn (born March 23, 1968) is an American screenwriter and director.[1] Penn wrote and directed Incident at Loch Ness and The Grand, and co-wrote the script for X2, X-Men: The Last Stand and the story for The Avengers. With Michael Karnow, Penn is the co-creator of the TV series Alphas on the Syfy network. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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