The Grand Page #12

---

this woman twice a week,

and she's awesome.

Um, it was something I never

really thought I'd be into,

the idea of going

to a professional,

you know, prostitute,

but...it's good.

It's worked out for me,

and bought my dad

a ranch-style

dressing factory

that he always--

He's always loved

ranch dressing, and...

you know, I got him

one of those.

And, uh,

it's in Sri Lanka.

When I won The Grand,

it was awesome,

and I felt, like,

a little bit bad for Jack.

I don't know why.

I wish I--

I felt bad for Larry,

I felt bad for Jack,

but, um...

it was f***ing great.

That little girl is tough.

She, um...

She got the ace on the river

twice against me.

The second time, of course,

being the most devastating

since it put me

out of the tournament.

Well, Fred and I

talked about it,

and we decided to invest

in the Rabbit's Foot.

Although I think, um,

Fred wants to change the name

to the Lightning Strike,

but we're working it out

with the lawyers, though.

So the Rabbit's Foot

will go on.

It's not gonna get torn down.

It's gonna be here forever.

I do think that there's

such a thing as fate

and there's

such a thing as luck

and there's some big,

giant chasm of disparity

between the two,

and I now have come to believe

that there are no accidents,

and things happen

according to a reason,

some big mystical plan.

New York, New York?

Oh, that's original.

I can go

to the East Coast

and experience that

any old time.

Or you've got

the Eiffel Tower.

Oh! Oh, now, let me see.

Where have I seen that before?

And you have the, uh,

oh, the pyramid.

Uh, great, you know.

Triangle.

I also tried

before that to get

at least nine hours

of sleep,

and also-- also,

I pay a prostitute

to do sex with me.

And that's how I prepare

for a tournament.

Can I get a, uh--

What do you want?

Um, whatever, you know?

I mean,

you're buying, right?

Oh, wait, I'm buying.

I'm buying.

Give me a Stuttering

Transvestite.

I'll have a...just a beer,

whatever beer.

Baby's Coffin for him,

and I'll just have a beer.

Let's get a Hideous Canadian,

and I'll have a beer.

Just a whatever.

What's that?

What's a Hideous Canadian?

I don't know, it's like

butterscotch schnapps

and some other crap.

No, you know, I don't

like ranch dressing.

I never did like

ranch dressing.

I enjoy Russian dressing.

What would be an example

of one of the questions

I might ask you

in an interview?

Well, how did-- When did

you start playing poker?

Mm-hmm. When did you

start playing poker?

Renee.

Yeah.

No, I'm just saying

I don't like the name.

The body of the goose

flips around,

and you hold the neck,

and you twist the neck,

and it kills them.

But what happened to me is that

it didn't kill the goose.

It just dislocated my wrist.

So that was bad.

Are there any other questions

that they ask in interviews?

Um...

[sighs]

Are you telling me

you don't have questions?

Well, I'm just asking whether

there are other questions.

Yeah, they've got

other questions.

What would they be?

Any examples?

Um, who your

favorite players are--

And who are your

favorite players?

Barry Blaustein.

Mr. Blaustein.

By the way,

my mom has cancer.

You know, it's a point

of pride to me

that nobody ever

committed suicide

in the Rabbit's Foot.

No, it doesn't mean that.

No, it's 'cause I'm a giant.

It's 'cause I'm going

up the beanstalk

'cause that's where

giants live.

Yeah, well, I'm married.

I'm married and I have

five kids, all right?

From what Fred tells me

about the meetings,

everybody just sits around

and tells their story,

and every story ends

the same way.

They get struck

by lightning.

He's like a savant.

We kind of call him the savant.

He can't do math in life,

only, like, at a poker table.

He can figure out

the odds, like--

Like right now,

what are the odds?

That's the pot,

that's the bet.

What's the odds?

That's correct.

No, no,

that's exactly right.

Well, this is a pretty

important tournament.

Um, who are some

of the other players?

Who are other players

in the tournament?

Yeah.

Every morning,

wake up at 6:
28 a.m.

All right? Get up,

run around the bed twice,

I pull the bed away

from the wall.

I mean, it's already

preset away from the wall.

Drink a raw egg,

throw up,

then go back to bed,

sleep till 9.

12 steps

12 steps

Only 12 steps

out the door

I walked to New York,

and I'm from LA

I lived on a mountain

once by the bay

I bought an old barn

to sleep in the hay

But there's no place

that's softer than

Livin' today is just

gettin' so bad

There's a look on your face,

and it says you've been had

Take all my money,

but don't make me mad

'Cause there's nobody

meaner than

I prayed to Buddha,

to Allah, and Jim

I turned to Jesus

and stayed there with Him

I fell in deep,

but I learned how to swim

Now there's nobody cleaner

and purer than Jim

[harmonica]

Closed-Captioned By

J.R. Media Services, Inc.

Burbank, CA

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes