The Grand Page #9

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for example, or, uh--

I don't know

the sports teams,

but to have them each

occupying one of the towers

so they're in basically

the same room.

Sir, you need

an appointment.

Am I wearing my helmet?

No, sir, you're not.

This is me.

Maybe you should--

Hello, Mr. Lavisch.

Jack Faro.

How are you, son?

Mr. Lavisch,

you've underestimated me...

because I'm a survivor.

And guess what.

The Rabbit's Foot

is going to survive.

You are not blowing up

the Rabbit's Foot,

not while I'm alive.

Well, of course you can

be there for the demolition.

I wouldn't have it

any other way.

Would you like to press

the plunger yourself?

I think that would be

a brilliant coup, to--

Can you hear me?

Hmm?

Can you hear me?

Do you--

Are you able to hear me?

Jack, when I was

I was stung by a phalanx

of Portuguese Men-of-War.

They're not men,

they're cowardly,

evil fish

made of cowardly,

evil jelly.

I lost all the hearing

in this ear

and much of the hearing

in this ear.

I don't even know what ear

I'm pointing to anymore.

Hey, you know what?

That's not going to work.

You know why?

Two rooms.

I should have listened

to my Uncle Phil.

He said, "Don't go

in the water."

You've been eating

meat products.

Portuguese Men-of-War

love meat products.

[scoffs]

But I wouldn't listen.

No, I had to go splashing off

into-- into the brine.

[scoffs]

Brine is just

another flavoring.

They would've eaten me

alive if they c--

Sir.

[door closes]

Is it my birthday?

[Announcer]

$10,000 million,

the largest prize

in the history of poker.

Six men and women,

winner takes all.

Deuce Fairbanks,

the old timer.

This is his fourth visit

to The Grand.

Harold Melvin,

the lonely genius of poker

with $1.5 million

in chips.

In fourth place,

Lainie Schwartzman,

the woman.

In third place,

Larry Schwartzman,

poker's bad boy.

In second place,

the sentimental favorite,

One-Eyed Jack Faro.

In first place,

the unknown,

Andy Andrews.

Six players, six stories,

one winner.

Shuffling $100,000 blind.

Shuffle up and deal.

Holy sh*t.

Are we gonna play or what?

[fanfare]

Welcome, everyone,

to the final table,

and, boy,

is this exciting.

Too exciting,

if you ask me.

[Phil]

Let's get to

the action on the felt.

Deuce looks like

he's debating

whether or not to call.

[Mike]

He has got

to make a choice.

All in.

Call.

Oh, my God.

Aces and jacks

will take the pot.

And Deuce takes the pot.

Winner.

Wow! Wow!

How did you learn

to play poker?

By playing darts?

I was online

looking for

a fireplace poker...

Harold Melvin has to play

carefully here.

He's very short-stacked

and he'll have to

double up soon.

It is by will alone

I set my mind in motion.

It is by the juice of Sapho

that thoughts acquire speed,

the lips acquire stains,

the stains become a warning.

It is by will alone

I set my mind in motion.

Is that Rush?

Where's Fred?

It's, um--

It's the night

of the draft.

The what?

Fantasy football.

It's the night of the draft.

It's, like, a big,

big night for him.

[chuckles]

[Dealer]

Call.

Kind of a big night

for you, too, isn't it?

How does he do it?

How does he pick a kicker

in the third round?

No, no. No, no.

No way.

That's not gonna happen.

Uh-uh.

All right,

you ready for this?

Daddy's working.

Daddy's working.

No, no. Hey! Hey!

Hey, Daddy's working.

Go upstairs.

Go upstairs.

Put on a movie.

Well, it gives him

something to do,

you know, when there's--

No, but he's got

other stuff.

It's not just

fantasy football.

I mean, he's designed a, um--

a round beach towel.

I know, I hope nobody

asks me to invest in that.

I wish I'd had a sister.

Did you not ever have a sister,

or is she still in rehab?

What do you mean when--

Do you mean you lost

your sister or--

Are you talking to me?

No, I'm talking to

just behind your glasses.

I just have astigmatism.

Yeah, I'm talking to you.

Well, I do have astigmatism,

so I don't much appreciate

you making fun of people

with astigmatism.

[crowd applauds]

Thank you.

Does anyone else out there

have astigmatism?

[applause]

You insulted half the people

in this audience.

I'm going to raise

and make it 900,000.

[Phil]

Andy Andrew

is raising to 900,000.

That's a huge raise

with the ace-queen.

And Deuce calls

with ace-8 off suit.

That's a very risky play.

He is really

underestimating Andy.

I'm pulling for you,

Deuce.

Deuce in a tough

position here.

The flop comes,

and it's no help

for either player.

I'm all in.

Andy Andrews

moves all in.

I'll call.

I think that's

a terrible mistake, Mike.

That's coming from

a different generation.

Imagine if Abe Lincoln showed

upwith a stove pipe hat.

The electric lights alone

are gonna throw him off.

No 8.

And now the river.

[crowd oohs]

Andy makes the flush,

and Deuce Fairbanks

is the first one eliminated

from our final table.

[Dealer]

Deuce Fairbanks.

Thank you, Russell.

Sorry, Deuce.

Can I stand up?

There he goes.

This is bullshit.

He deserved to lose.

He played poorly.

He played terribly.

Now look at--

[sighs]

Looks like Jack Faro's

breaking out the eye patch.

It's his trademark.

That's why they call him

One-Eyed Jack.

Well, back to the action,

and Andy Andrews

has picked up pocket 8s.

He's certainly

gonna bet here.

I'm going to make it...

That's an aggressive bet

for middle pair.

[Larry]

I like it.

Back over to Jack Faro.

He's got pocket queens.

And for the first time

in this tournament,

Andy Andrews

is completely dominated.

Some people

find that arousing.

It is a lifestyle choice.

[Dealer]

Hey, where'd you say

that beef jerky museum--

[Jack]

And I'll raise it 500.

[applause]

Andy Andrews has had a pretty

charmed tournament so far,

but he may be looking

at a little more

than he can handle

right here.

Dad, what are you

doing here?

Well, I didn't like they way

we left things the last time,

and I thought

I'd come here

and I would clear

the air a little bit.

You don't have to clear

the air with me.

I'm not the one that

has a problem with you.

Well, I had a conversation

with Fred right at your suite--

This isn't about Fred. Okay?

Larry's trying to play

in the tournament.

Dad.

[Dealer]

Call.

Come on.

I am.

I'm sorry I yelled at you

the other night.

[Dealer]

Two players.

The bet is $1 million.

I'm all in.

[Dealer]

All in.

I love it.

The only way Andy

can win this hand

is with a runner-runner.

He needs help on the turn

and help on the river.

I can't wait to see

which one plays more poorly.

I have a pair of 8s.

You have a queen?

Oh! I am pretty dead,

aren't I?

Don't look at it

that way.

Look at it as

I'm doing damn good.

[Andy]

I am pretty dead.

[Lainie]

You're dead.

[Andy]

I am dead.

[Dealer]

Set of queens.

Winner, Jack Faro.

Jack Faro doubles up.

He is back in the tournament.

All right, players,

that's a 10-minute break.

Hey, I'm on to you.

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