The Grand Illusion Page #2

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I pull the string...

The tin falls...

the others pull me out by the legs.

What are you waiting for?

Now for my mole act!

A mole in a hole!

Is the tunnel safe?

It's shored up with wooden props.

And the earth?

We've been stuffing it

under the floor,

but there's no more room.

So we fill bags

and empty them outside.

Hear that?

I'm sure I heard something.

Nothing.

And again...

We'll send someone out

to reconnoitre.

You slip out and take a look around.

I'll pretend to go to the lavatory.

What happened, Mr Arthur?

He tried to escape.

He was caught in the gardens

behind those buildings...

and shot.

Out there?

- Is he dead?

- I think so.

- Anyway, what are you doing out?

- Me?

Going to the lavatory.

- What was it?

- Someone tried to escape.

He got as far as the gardens

behind the buildings.

A sentry shot at him.

He's dead.

Look, the alarm...

- No answer.

- Let's pull him out.

Are you hurt?

Drink some cognac.

From Fouquet's.

Cheers... don't take it away!

Whose turn is it tomorrow?

Yours, Sir... if you don't mind.

With pleasure, I need some exercise.

It is strictly forbidden

to appear in anything

except military uniform...

Dismissed.

Good news?

My aunt writes from Bordeaux

that they're crowded out.

What do you think?

They'd better watch out,

it says here

there's a big Boche push.

There haven't been any celebrations

so it can't mean much.

Coming gardening?

If you like.

German bulletins are so exaggerated.

So are ours.

Remember the Russian steam-roller?

Don't you think it's time

we got down to... serious work?

But not all together.

Give me your tools.

And General Winter,

who'd kill off the wicked Boche

but act as a tonic for the Allies.

And "turpinite",

remember "turpinite"?

A container as big as a...

a radish... could blow up an army.

Why, they'd tried it

on flocks of sheep.

Pity they didn't stop at that!

What've you planted here?

Dandelions.

I dream of dandelion salad.

The war'll be over

before your dandelions sprout.

Don't be so sure.

This curious exercise

will give us laborers hands.

The hampers have come!

- The costumes?

- They're at the theatre.

One is full of women's clothes!

Coming, Sir?

No, I've no talent for theatricals.

Besides, I'm busy.

- A game of patience?

- Exactly. I'm a realist.

Well, Arthur, found anything?

Nothing...

Well, gentlemen, enjoy yourselves.

Easy does it!

Where will we put all this?

I don't know.

I asked for hangers too.

There must be some... Here!

Careful!

These things must be

handled gently...

with closed eyes!

Real dresses.

Looks like a child's dress.

Women's skirts are short now.

Just below the knee.

So I heard, I wish I could see them!

Put it on!

Not him, he's badly shaven.

- You, angel-face.

- If it amuses you...

Here, take this.

We'll have to do a full inventory.

There's this too.

- And the corset!

- Careful!

They wear their hair short too.

Short hair!

Must seem like sleeping with a boy!

When the cat's away

the mice will play!

I'm sure my wife

hasn't cut her hair...

That's just for the bits of fluff.

How would you know,

with that mug?

Shoes!

I'd forgotten they were so small.

Stockings!

Silk stockings!

I'm ready, boys.

Don't disturb our dreams yet.

If we see you,

it'll ruin our illusions.

They're beautiful. Black stockings!

A real girl!

Funny, isn't it?

Don't you think it looks funny?

It really does look funny.

Poor lads.

Enjoy yourselves.

On one side,

children play at soldiers...

On the other,

soldiers play like children.

I wish I knew what's going on

at my home.

- No news?

- Nothing.

I don't care

what my old woman's doing.

I want to clear out

from sheer boredom.

You want to escape for the fun of it.

In my case, it's contrariness.

Now that I may not fight, I long to.

I just follow the crowd.

I'd rather do my bit with the rest.

I see no problem.

A golf course is for golf...

A tennis court for tennis...

A prison camp for escape.

What do you say, as a sportsman?

Him! He was born in Jerusalem!

Wrong, Vienna! My mother was Danish,

my father Polish, naturalized French.

Good old French aristocracy!

And yet for all

your old French stock,

not one of you owns

an acre of France.

In 35 years,

the Rosenthals have acquired...

three historic castles

and all that goes with them:

hunting, farmland and horses.

And 3 galleries of genuine ancestors.

Believe me, it's worth escaping

to fight for that.

I had never considered patriotism

from that rather special

point of view.

Your staff

must feed like fighting c*cks.

I got into it in a funny way.

I became a soldier

because I'm a vegetarian.

That's right. My brother and I

had weak stomachs...

The doctor warned us off meat.

I turned vegetarian and was cured...

My brother went on eating meat...

He fell ill and was invalided out.

Your decorations show vegetarianism

didn't interfere with duty.

It didn't stop my wife

sleeping around either.

You must admit it's stirring.

I can't stand fifes.

Whatever you say, it gets you.

It isn't the music that gets you...

It's the marching feet.

With all this yapping,

my trousers are ruined!

FORT DOUAUMON HAS FALLEN!

Do we put on the show

just the same?

Rather! We certainly do!

In fact we should invite

the German officers.

Although I don't share

your artistic interests, Marchal...

I congratulate you... Good show!

Do you know Marguerite?

She's not big and she's not small

With arousing eyes

And a mouth like a child's

When I told this beauty

That I loved her

She gave me flowers

And called me a joker

I said, "Thanks for the flowers

But that's not what I want

"If you want to make me happy

Marguerite

"If you want to make me happy

"Marguerite, give me your heart!"

That same evening by the window

I sang to make her appear

"I'm sad because your pretty eyes

Have set my heart alight!"

She, out of sheer kindness

To put out my flame

Threw a bucket of water over me

And said, "Happy now?"

I said, "Thanks for the bucket

But that's not what I want

"If you want to make me happy

Marguerite

"If you want to make me happy

"Marguerite, give me your heart!"

All together now!

And now... to Paris!

Get it, Arthur?

Stop it!

We've retaken Douaumont!

They announce it themselves!

What's the idea?

A little hole, to escape by.

Open this door!

Let me go! Leave me alone!

DOUAUMONT RE-OCCUPIED

BY GERMAN TROOPS

Did you see? It's terrible.

Can't be much left of it!

Why, what's wrong?

Not hungry today?

Leave me alone! I can't take it

any longer! I'm fed up!

I want to see daylight!

It stinks in here!

You hear, it stinks!

And I want to hear

a friendly voice...

I want to hear French spoken...

I want to hear French spoken,

do you hear?

Why was he shouting?

The war's lasting too long...

If my calculations are right...

in four days,

we'll be beyond the garden wall.

It means plenty of bags of earth!

Now we've a chance of escaping

and reaching home again

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