The Great Hip Hop Hoax Page #6

going this way and that way.

It was like, yeah, it was like...

You are one of them and that's

why you do deserve to succeed.

I suppose part of me was jealous.

What you don't see

you're worried about, aren't you?

When he's not answering his phone cos

he's at the BRIT Awards you're thinking,

"Where the hell are you?

Why are you not picking up?"

He phones later and he's like, "Sorry,

I was at the BRIT Awards and... "

"What do you mean,

you at the BRIT Awards?!"

Our lives are like polar opposites

and can something like that

actually work?

I'd been out of touch with Gav

for over a year, actually.

I hadn't spoken to him.

Rang him out of the blue

and he'd been speaking with

an American accent so much

that it was almost impossible for him

to talk to me in a Scottish accent.

That's when he started to tell me

that they'd been signed

and that they had this massive,

like, publishing deal.

There was a studio in Brixton

that they were recording at free

of charge, whenever they wanted,

and I was just, like,

"F***, this is insane!"

So I ended up going down to visit them

and it was just a completely

surreal situation.

Hey, no interview.

The thing that was most shocking

was that they'd completely

fooled all these people.

They were convinced

that they were American.

A massive part of the hip-hop

industry is how credible you are.

You know, they talk about

people being real

and people being fake,

and they were genuinely fake.

Everybody was giving them

tons and tons of respect.

Just being really sycophantic

and they were running off

to the shops for them.

Gav and Billy are making

all these demands.

I did not f***ing ask for blue ones!

One of the things which was

kind of odd, that I remember

so vividly about the studio, like,

they had this really,

really pristine laminate flooring

and I just remember thinking back

to all the scenarios that we'd

been in when we tried to record

and we have these, sort of,

really shitty, kind of, carpets.

Although it sounds really silly,

even just not standing

on a shitty carpet, for me,

was quite a big step up for them.

They'd changed completely,

personality wise.

They'd amplified it so much

and so over-exaggerated everything

that they were doing to the point

where it was actually quite hard work

sometimes to hang out with them.

We're just drinking!

We're just drinking!

What's wrong with gays?

That's what I say.

We didn't care who was watching us,

we didn't care who'd seen us.

We were the most loudest,

obnoxious people you could probably

ever meet in London

and, literally, we felt invincible.

We had to be very careful who

we brought into our circle of lies.

Maybe four or five people

really knew.

Everyone who came in

had to lie our lie.

At this point, London wasn't here.

It was just our little

bubble of friendship.

The characters, they had a licence

to do whatever they wanted to do.

Inside, we kind of knew

that it was fine,

we could get away with it because

we were just these wild guys.

That's what everyone expects.

And it became that.

It became people expected it.

Come here. Come here.

I need a piss.

There was always a notion

in the back of my head

that I, kind of, felt like

it would all just unravel.

That was the kind of routine,

really.

Every night would end with, like, a

massive fight. We were just stupid.

When you're playing characters

24/7, you start to become them.

You know, my mum would

call me on the phone.

I'd, like, miss the call

and not be able to speak to her.

We didn't want to break character.

After a while it really... really

grates at you.

- Did you get the beer?

- Yeah, I got one, dude.

Stella?!

Dude, you know what happens

when we drink Stella.

Before long you've went, like,

18 days again, on the trot

drinking and you're completely

hung over every day,

and you're putting on weight,

and you feel like crap.

It's just so easy, you know?

And the time is 5:54.

I don't know what the f*** is going

on. Am I f***ing time travelling?

Am I f***ing living the dream?

Am I f***ing already dead?

Am I frozen? What the f***?

I guess I'm just here...

Me and, just me and my drink.

The tour manager's still sleeping.

Everybody's sleeping. Not me!

I'm a f***ing mess. Maybe I should

sleep? That's the f***ing problem.

I should sleep more instead

of drinking and staying up.

We're lying 24/7.

You go home at 12 o'clock at night,

you're not going to sleep, are you?

The whole day is going to run

through, "What did I say today?"

But I'm just worried, worried,

worried, worried.

Gav started to have a lot of

psychological problems.

He has quite powerful hallucinations

when he goes to sleep

where he experiences

terrifying, vivid nightmares.

I see a demon in my sleep.

The "night crusher".

It's like an incubus, a demon that

you see in the corner of the room.

You freeze, you can't move,

you try screaming, you can't,

and you feel the incubus, the demon,

is squeezing your neck.

We completely had forgot,

at one point, that we were Scottish.

To the point that I created

such a good lie

where I could actually see

where I'd been.

You know, see where

I'd lived in my head.

So I was definitely

going a little cuckoo.

It's just really hard

to remember what your plan is.

Please put your hands together

for Silibil n' Brains!

What's up? What's up? What's up?

Shut up! -Thanks for coming on, guys.

- You guys are great. Shut up! -OK, OK.

Boys, you are spanking new music.

- Spanking. -New.

How would you describe your sound?

- Spanking!

- Spankingly new!

Spankingly new.

Comedy, humour, excellent.

Well, you did a performance for us,

to try and drag this back

from the edge of despair,

Your Mums, is what it was called.

Well, it wasn't called My Mums.

- Just Your Mums. -Your Mums.

Mums in general. -Don't bring my mum

into! Not on my own show! -Oh, OK.

Let's take a look at it.

It's very entertaining.

That's your mums

I was in luck when she didn't

know that she is my fantasy

That's your mums

I gots to have her

She's all I wanted, she's all I need

That's your mums...

We got invited to be part of 2004's,

like, the next big thing.

MTV's brand-new music.

She takes pills

but you can't cure ugly...

Other acts that were with

us were Kasabian, Bloc Party,

Natasha Bedingfield.

There was bands that just

absolutely blew up

and, obviously, we thought we were

all going to be in the same boat.

We all thought we were

all going together.

So, is that's what we going

to hear most of the album?

Mostly material that

is taken from...

No, the rest of the stuff's all

love songs and boring music.

Dave is trying to ask us stuff and

we're just throwing him curveballs.

We're swerving

his questions, you know?

We're getting out what we want

out of the interview.

Right, you drop it. Check it.

They say violence sells

Well, how about this?

I'll smack myself in the face with

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