The Great Masquerade Page #8

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- They're beautiful.

- Tall blonde, I was talking to one

of the tall blondes,

blue eyes, gorgeous, pretty.

- What did she say?

- Nope.

- I'm gonna talk to the chief.

- Hey what were you talking to

Sherwood Gates about?

- Sherwood Gates? - Right.

- Oh, we joined a new club.

It's called the Prostitute

Club of America.

- There's no such thing as a

prostitute club.

- See you get excited right away.

There's no such thing. -

There's no such thing--

- What are you yelling for,

I got the card right in my pocket.

- That's not even legal.

- I got the card right here,

Sherwood Gates gave it to me.

He was back there, and said you

wanna join a club.

- Prostitute Club of America.

- Why don't you get eyeglasses?

- What do I need eyeglasses for?

- That's the Parachute Club.

- Holy cow, I signed up

for 22 jumps.

- Chief, Chief.

I thought you were gonna keep a

look out at the bar.

Listen, I have a problem.

My girl's on board.

Well I'm worried she might spot me

in the contest tonight.

What do you think?

It doesn't worry you?

If you're not worried, I'm

not going to worry.

Hey what do you think.

You think I stand a chance of

winning the contest?

Good deal Chief.

You know I think we're

gonna nail Vito

and them rotten

bastards to the wall.

See you later.

- One I gotta tell ya, one day

we get this call,

says come on up to the

hotel right away,

there's a man and a woman,

they're embraced,

they're in the nude, they're dead,

measure them,

and get them the hell outta here.

So we went up to measure em, here

to here, here to here,

we took this mallet to

separate them,

boom, biggest fight you ever

saw in your life.

- What was the fight about?

- We were in the wrong room.

We were in the wrong room.

- There ain't no sign of

them no where's.

- Hey Paco. - Huh?

- See that broad over there.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

The senorita with the

flower in her head.

That's the doll that's going to win

the contest tonight.

- What are you talking about.

I'm gonna win the contest.

- You couldn't win a

ribbon at a dog show.

So shut up before I belt ya.

- What, just because some

floozy comes along,

and what did she do Vito?

Make promises to you, huh?

She made promises to my big brother.

Just to win the contest.

I know her type.

- Paco, see the senorita gets to

win the contest huh.

'Cause then she gets to wear

the crown right.

- Right, right.

- Ah let her go.

Come here.

That chick is a cop.

An undercover agent.

So you tell Gates, that she's

the one to win huh.

And make sure, he uh,

understands.

- Right.

- Well that's about it, we

like to leave ya

like we found ya, stunned.

- No we like to leave you ladies

and gentlemen saying--

- This is Lou Marsh.

- And Tony Adams.

- We'd like to leave you with a

word we heard in church.

- Bingo.

- Good night everybody.

- I know your type.

You little slut.

It's fixed, it's fixed.

- Vito, what are you doing here?

Listen I just saw Gates and told

him what you says.

That she's gotta win.

You know what her name is,

Gates new her name.

Her name is Faith Cummings.

How do you like that huh.

Listen, after she wins the contest.

There's gonna be a little

accident alright huh.

A little bit of an accident, right?

So what are you gonna do, you

gonna stand here or what?

Well then I've gotta go find Rita

'cause I think she's a

little bit peed off.

I'll see ya in a minute.

- The festivities are

about to begin.

I only want to remind you

that this ball is held annually,

for purposes of charity.

So dance,

drink,

enjoy yourselves,

but never forget,

please, our major purpose,

which is to alleviate some

of the suffering,

so prevalent in our world today.

Thanks again,

and have a ball.

- When contest start?

- Contest?

- Do you remember me? - Jigsaw.

- Oh miss. - Yes.

- Dave.

- Don't say a word honey,

don't say a word.

What, what's the matter?

- I'm so relieved.

I thought you were with

another woman.

- Come on the contest is

going to start.

- Dave you look lovely

in that dress.

- The name is Faith.

- Oh I love you.

- Disgusting, do you see what's in

the world out there.

Now do you still wanna leave home?

- Oh honey, honey I gotta go.

And not a word okay, not a word.

- And now ladies and gentlemen,

the highlight of the evening,

the Annual Artisan Models

Ball Beauty Pageant.

Maestro.

The card please.

Our contestants,

Wanda Voormeyer,

of Zwieback, Connecticut,

only 23 years of age.

What a lovely girl.

A round of applause for Wanda.

And what's this?

A pirate.

Peter Pan would have

served in gracefully,

if Captain Hook could look like

spunky Sissy Sarafian

of Needlenose, New York.

Thank you Sissy.

- Having a pina colada Ruth?

- Flo did you snitch that?

- Oh they have so much of it.

40 dozen crates worth.

- I knew I couldn't trust you.

- Oh what is this?

A prize?

Look at...

- A lovely Hawaiian dancer,

Minnie Mitchner of Fullriver,

Massachusetts.

Aloha Minnie, aloha.

- What's that?

- Try it.

- Only 19 tears of age,

from Dooley, Arizona,

Penny Puffy, alias Fred.

Fred?

Delightfully flirtatious

as a french maid.

Oolala.

A bountiful buxom belly

dancer Marlena Murck,

from Ojuice, Florida,

the sour cream capital of the world.

And giving hope to Wounded

Knee and Alcatraz,

lovely Sunny Lee Hoople,

of Busick Falls, New York.

And last but not least, from our

own state of Florida,

home of the Dolphins

and Disney World,

a tall girl in or out of heels,

Miss Faith Cummings.

And here she comes as an elegant,

graceful,

Spanish Senorita.

And now while the judges

cast their ballots,

and I don't envy this decision

I can tell you that

ladies and gentlemen,

let's dance.

Maestro, once again.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the judges have decided on a winner.

And that winner is,

from our own Miami,

Miss Faith Cummings.

- That's my boyfriend.

He's the queen.

- Congratulations Miss Cummings.

- Oh thank you Mister Gates.

And thank you all.

- Casey you've got a keep

an eye one David.

They're planning on bumping him off.

- You guys ain't going no where's

unless you wanna leave half your

guts on the dance floor.

- Come with me please,

I have someone who would

like to meet you.

- Thank you but I've got...

But uh,

who wants to meet me Mister Gates?

- You'll find out just keep smiling.

- But uh,

how did a man like you

get involved in something

like this Gates.

- There are workings of

heaven and earth

that are not dreamt of in your

philosophy Faith.

Now please do as I say.

I will truly hate to

have to kill you

here on the dance floor.

- But Gates-- - March.

- You bozo, I'm talking to you.

- Rita what are you doing?

I can't talk to you now.

Can't you see that I'm working.

I've got a gun on these two guys.

- To hell with your gun.

You talk, talk, talk ,about

me with other men,

and then you go fix the

contest against me.

Me your sweet heart your fiance.

So you can go jump bozo,

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