The Guardian Page #2

Oh yes, I love the comedies.

Family Ties,

The Golden Girls.

And the good,

heartwarming stuff.

See, I've only

looked after one baby,

you know, it's not the

kinda thing that I wanna do

for the rest of my

life or anything.

Well, actually,

Ms. Russell, we were

really only thinking about

the next four or five years.

Ms. Russell?

Please, call me Arlene.

Okay.

You see, what I wanna do

is I wanna teach Phys Ed.

I'm taking evening classes

over at Claremont College,

so we would definitely have to

work out some kind of schedule.

We can do that.

I just can't get over

a baby learning to swim

at one month, put this

little thing in water?

Yeah, that's the

time you start 'em.

See, kids are natural

swimmers, they haven't

learned to be frightened

of things like water yet.

I mean, the world's

moving so fast, and...

Well, I think children

need interaction

with other children, don't you?

Yeah, I do, actually.

Um, do you have a

steady boyfriend?

Nobody I've met

so far quite makes the grade.

These references?

Oh, yes.

Is there anything you'd

like to ask us, Miss...?

Grandier.

Yes, how old is your son?

He'll be two

weeks this Thursday.

- Oh, October's child!

- Yep.

- Libra.

- Right.

Is it possible to see him?

Sweetheart?

You awake? There's

somebody here to see you.

Yeah, you have a visitor.

He's beautiful.

What's his name?

Jake.

Hello, Jake.

Yes.

Such a dear boy.

Is he breastfeeding?

No, I tried him in the first

few days

but he didn't like it.

My colostrum was too watery.

He seems happier on the formula.

The milk comes

from deep inside you,

it's supposed to be watery.

Water's what he needs most.

Especially in the first month.

And you know,

there are antibodies

in a mother's milk that

no formula can duplicate.

So you think I

should try again?

Yeah.

It's really important.

Did you know that

after four weeks,

their little blood cells change?

Yeah.

After four weeks they're

not baby cells anymore.

They're just like ours.

She's very attractive.

Not bad.

Some might say

too attractive.

Do I detect a

note of jealousy?

No, just a note of concern.

You tell me first.

No, you go first.

Write it down.

Okay.

Wait, wait, wait!

Ready?

Go.

Hi!

Hello, Mrs. Sterling.

You can call me Kate.

Oh, thank you!

Come in,

Ms. Grandier.

Call me Camilla.

Hello, Jake.

I brought some

friends to meet you.

This is Holt.

And this is Jamara.

And this...

Is Pyewacket.

They're your friends, Jake.

They're your bestest friends.

National Public Radio

for southern California,

I'm Dierdre O'Donohugh,

and while everybody else

is off dreaming I think

I'll play something for us

by an excellent

group from Australia

who call themselves

The Triffids.

This is David

McComb and his band

from Perth with

Wide Open Road.

What?

Did you feel that, too?

I don't think that

was the big one,

but it was big enough

to really rattle

things around here at KCRW.

The CD player lost its grip.

There's cassettes and disks

all over the floor here.

Oh, I think my heart's

down there, too!

I do not like it when the

Earth does things like that.

I'll tell you what.

While I check on where

that one came from,

and find out

how big it was,

and pick up

all the mess here,

let me play something

for us by Roger Eno.

I think that should

sort out our nerves.

This'll be from his most

recent album called...

It's raining, Jake!

It's raining!

Hello, Mr. Sterling.

- Excuse me.

- It's all right.

You feel that?

Yeah, it was just another

earthquake, wasn't it?

I was,

I couldn't sleep,

and I came up to the

baby's room and--

It's okay.

I ran the bath and

guess who woke

up and decided

it was playtime?

You are so

cheeky, aren't you?

You are.

I think we're

so lucky sometimes.

Jake's the lucky one.

Aren't you?

To have a father like you.

I never knew my father.

And my mother died when I was...

not much bigger than Jake.

I'm sorry.

Do you want to

put him down now?

I think he's about ready.

Good night, buddy.

Sweet dreams.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

I love you.

Shh.

I've got some

news on the earthquake for you.

Not too bad as far

as these things go,

considering that

we're crazy enough to

keep living on top of it all.

A 3.9 is the report

I've got, and centered

about 10 miles off the coast.

No major damages or

injuries, just lots of jars

off shelves and

jangled nerves.

The usual for

southern California.

If I hear anything

else I'll let you know;

otherwise, let's just

keep slidin' through

the night together

on KCRW with a piece

by the Sydney-based group,

Not Drowning Waving,

from their album Claim.

Soon, Jake, soon.

It will be time to go

to the sacred forest.

You'll have mother's milk today.

You missed it,

didn't you?

Yeah.

Hey, sweetheart.

What's happenin'?

Is that your

purse over there?

What's your name,

little guy?

What's the matter?

Cat got your tongue?

Hey, is that

little guy yours?

Yes.

You know you shouldn't

be out here so late.

It gets weird out here.

Would you like

us to walk you home?

- No, thank you.

- Why not?

Keep away.

I warn you.

Ooh!

You warn me?

You don't f***in' warn me.

B*tch.

I...

warn...

you.

Hey, where you goin'?

Hey!

Come on back!

Where the f*** did she go?

I need a f***in' beer.

Oh, sh*t.

F***in' b*tch.

I think she came this way.

What do you think?

You ever been

out here before?

No.

The f***?

F***.

We're gonna have some fun!

Aren't we?

You and me.

Right?

Ooh!

Well, how you doin'

there, big boy?

You wanna come out and play?

Leave him alone!

Look at this.

See, see this?

You like this?

Cut the b*tch!

Hmm?

What's this?

Mmm, oh!

Pretty!

What the hell is that?

Look out!

Hi, I'm Gail.

- Good to see you.

- It's a great place, man.

Hello.

Do come in.

Hi.

Anyway, they've bought us

on this 75 second commercial,

and we said, "Look, we're

telling a story in this ad."

It's the most

successful campaign.

You can't believe

the product now.

That is...

It was good.

But getting back to

the one we did...

Tell the story, it's funny,

it has a beginning,

middle, and end.

Sex, violence.

So that's your

best commercial,

what's your second

best commercial?

I'm not saying it's the best!

When I was a little kid,

I'm like 13 years old, right?

And my parents made the

mistake of leaving me

in the house all

alone for a weekend.

That was a big mistake.

Yes.

When they came back,

I had completely,

totally, rebuilt

the living room.

Stop!

I did!

I put in skylights,

this is the truth,

and a little bathroom

with terracotta tiles--

You were 13?

I took a day and a half.

Where'd you get the money?

What'd they say?

They loved it, they

hired me to do the garage.

Why didn't you just

ask their permission?

Would you let a 13-year-old

rebuild your house?

What is the story

with that woman?

I mean, she cooks,

she cleans,

she takes care of the baby.

What else does she do?

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