The Guilt Trip Page #10

"Call." Just hit "call."

You sure that this is his number?

That is the number.

I can't take the pressure.

Hello?

This is it.

Talk.

Hello?

- Andy?

- Speaking.

- Hello?

-Keep talking.

- I can't.

- What was that?

- I can't! It was him!

- I know! I heard!

- It was him, Andy!

- Why did you do that?

- I got scared!

- Ma, you gotta call him back!

- Come on!

- I couldn't talk.

Don't wimp out like that.

- This is his address, right?

- Yes!

Okay, so what I think we should do,

since we're gonna do this,

we should just surprise him.

That's what I think we should do.

Okay. Fine.

- Okay?

- Yeah. No, that's a good idea.

You know I have to stop

and change, right?

I do. I know that, yes. You told me.

I have to... Yeah.

You are really getting

dolled up over there, Ma.

Honey, the man hasn't seen me

since I was 21.

I don't want to scare him.

Well, then don't do that.

I'm not going to do that in front of him.

Nice neighborhood.

Very nice.

Oh, my God.

This is it, Ma. This is the house.

- Really? You sure?

- Yeah, sure. Positive, yeah.

How do I look? Do I look okay?

You look very nice, actually.

- Really?

- Yeah. You do. You look good.

Good. So I don't have to

-worry about that.

- No, you did it.

Okay. I just hope

we have the right address.

I... I'm positive we do. I looked it up.

I don't know. You can't trust

those GPS things.

- No, I looked it up.

- All right.

Okay-

- I can't!

- Just do it. Come on.

Okay. Okay, I'm going

to do it. Ready, set, go.

It's old-timey. I like that.

That was good.

- Maybe he's not home.

- Just push it again.

Come on.

Coming!

- He's home!

- He's coming.

- He sounded very masculine.

- Oh, my God.

Hello.

Hello. We're looking

for Andrew Margolis.

Not interested. Thank you.

No, we're not selling anything.

We're just trying to find

Andrew Margolis.

This is his house, right?

This is his house. I'm him.

- What can I do for you?

- You're...

You're Andrew Margolis

from J&R Advertising?

Yes, I am Andrew Margolis

from J&R Advertising

and this is getting weird.

What is this about?

You're his son. Right?

Your father's name is also Andrew?

Yes.

And he also works at J&R?

Well, he owned it.

I'm sorry, I'm confused.

No, no, I'm sorry.

It's 'cause this is confusing.

My mother's an old friend

of your father's.

I thought you...

it doesn't make a difference.

Could you just help us get

in touch with your father please?

Well, I'm sorry.

My dad died five years ago.

Yeah.

Look, would... Do you want to come in?

- Or something?

- Do you want to...

- I would like to sit down.

- Yeah, please, come in.

- Thank you.

- Absolutely. Please.

Thank you.

You're driving to job interviews?

Pitching the product.

- All over the country.

- All over, yeah.

Your father was very important

to my mother.

He was a good man.

How long were your parents married?

- Twenty-six years.

- Wow.

Yeah. My mom's in Florida now.

We should probably get going.

You just got back from a trip, so...

- Nice to meet you.

- You, too.

I don't know if my son mentioned this,

but I dated your father for a while.

Before he met your mother.

- Really?

- Yeah.

And.

I just wondered, did he ever talk about

-that part of his life?

- Ma...

No, no, no, it's okay.

No, I'm sorry, I didn't know.

My dad never talked about

anybody but my mom,

at least not to us.

Right. Of course not.

He was a very, very nice man.

Very, very nice to me.

And I'm really sorry for your loss.

- Thank you.

- Hi, I'm here!

You have enough mail here

to choke a horse!

Hi. Sorry. I didn't

realize you had company.

No, no, that's okay. These

are old friends of Dad's.

This is my sister.

Hi. I'm Andy.

Hi. Joyce. Nice to meet you.

Yes. Hi.

- Welcome back.

- Thank you.

Do you still want to get dinner?

I do. It might be a few minutes.

Okay. I didn't mean to interrupt.

No, no, no. Not at all.

They're on a road trip.

Honey.

Just one second, okay?

Remember to drink your water.

Okay. I will.

Six bottles a day.

Because it's good

for my skin and my kidneys?

- That's right!

- Okay.

So, you checked the car thoroughly?

I checked the car. I checked

every inch of the car.

And the front and the back?

There is no way we left

anything in the car, okay?

- Yeah.

- Yeah. I think...

I think I'm... Yeah, I'm that way.

And I'm this way. Right?

Okay. Well, you sure you can

find the gate on your own?

Can I find the gate on my own?

Honey, I pierced my ears

and ate half a cow.

I think I can find the gate on my own.

Yeah.

You know, this...

This week really didn't go

how I planned.

Oh, sweetheart, it went better.

It went... You know, I spent

almost 30 years of my life

thinking I didn't matter to someone

who mattered a great deal to me.

I got the answer I needed. I did.

- It's like Anita always says.

- Oh, God.

When it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

That's actually good advice.

I think I should give you her number.

- Okay.

- The point is that

I wasn't meant to be with Andy Margolis.

You see? I was meant to meet him,

but I was meant to marry your father.

Because if I hadn't,

I wouldn't have had you.

Don't you see, Andy?

It was always you.

You're the love of my life, baby.

It will always be you.

I got to go before I start crying.

Just remember one thing.

If all the boys in the world were lined up

and I could only pick one...

I wouldn't have let you

pick anyone else, Ma.

Yeah, you would have.

You would have

let Mrs. Shapiro pick you.

- No, I would not.

- You loved her cookies.

They were really good cookies.

I miss you already.

You know, this was

the best week of my life.

I love you, Mom.

Okay. Bye.

Okay-

You've got to be kidding me.

This is a new record.

Hi. Ben?

It's Joyce. Yeah, the big eater.

Okay-

- Mom, you want to try some?

- Sure.

You see, Mom?

It's right over there.

Hello, Mom.

I think we should think about

taking another trip,

in Europe. How about that?

- You want to go to Europe?

- What do you think about that?

I don't think that's a very good idea.

I am so fascinated

with the Book on Tape,

I want to finish it, I sit in the garage.

Well, I hope you turn the car off,

'cause you're gonna die if you don't.

I know. I know.

- I gotta remember that.

- That would be good.

Since I was your mother and your father,

and I had to tell you about sex.

Yes.

Did that help you in your life?

Well, you can't undo

the fact that you told me

about penetrative sex at a young age.

But I guess... I don't know.

Just don't do that in the future.

Well, I'll give you my number.

Okay-

And you give us a call

when you're in town.

Yeah, you guys should

probably keep in touch.

All right.

Like, as a rule?

They just rape all the time?

No, not all the time.

Sometimes. But you never know.

They may not rape you, but...

- They'll rape someone.

- They're gonna rape someone.

- They might rape both of us.

- Oh, no!

I carry the Books on Tape

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