The Guilt Trip Page #9

I got his number

and his email and his address.

And he's not married.

So I figured why not?

When?

When what?

When did you track him down?

Right after you told me he existed.

I tracked him down. it was really easy.

So that's why you

wanted me to come with you.

So I could see Andy Margolis.

Ma, of course not!

I think that I wanted

to meet him, too, you know.

Oh, God.

I was so stupid!

Why is that... Why are you stupid?

Oh, my God.

I actually thought that you

wanted to spend time with me.

I do want to spend time with you, Ma.

That's why I invited you.

It's okay.

I'm not mad.

I mean, most kids

wouldn't even care enough.

I just...

I thought it was

something else, that's all.

Ma, let's just talk about it

for one minute, okay?

You don't have to go.

No, no. It's okay.

You better get ready

for your meeting, honey.

Come on, Ma! That's not what this is...

Andrew Brewster for Skyoclan?

Scieoclean.

Okay, Mr. Brewster,

you get five minutes

to explain the product and demonstrate.

Our hostess, Amy, will introduce you

and you can interact with her

however you want.

Any questions?

Yeah, I didn't realize

this was a whole thing.

I didn't realize it was on camera.

You're gonna be great. Go for it.

Hello. Hi.

- Andrew, hello!

- Hi, yes, I'm Andrew.

Nice to meet you.

- I'm Amy. Nice to see you.

- Hi, Amy. Hi. So...

Oh, gee. No, thank you.

I'm okay. Thank you.

So we're gonna look

right out to the front here.

Wow! This is the real set.

Yes, we're on the set now.

Roll cameras!

It's hot in here.

It is warm. It's very bright. I...

- Action!

- Welcome back to HSN.

I'm here with Andrew Brewster,

creator of an exciting new

organic cleaning supply.

Tell us a little bit about

Scieoclean, Andrew.

It's actually Scieo-clean.

- That's exactly what I said.

- It is.

Scieoclean, as I call it,

is an exciting new cleaning product

that harnesses the natural

foaming and cleaning power

of three completely

renewable resources.

- Interesting.

- They are...

Here they come, out of

your special secret box.

-...coconut oil...

- A coconut!

That's a coconut. Let's see.

That's hard.

That's a hard nut to crack, isn't it?

As I previously stated,

a neutral pH reading

is somewhere between six and eight.

Now, if you recall,

Scieoclean came in at seven,

which was perfect.

Now, my competitor's pH reading

is nine point...

Can you see it?

Is it in the... I don't know

if you're zooming in on...

But it says nine point six, which is high,

and it...

I lost you guys.

I totally lost you guys.

That lady's sending an email.

I've completely lost you,

and I think I know why I lost you guys.

It's 'cause this sucks! And it's boring.

And it's full of a bunch of science-y stuff

that no one really cares about.

So, why don't I try this?

Just tell me about yourself, Amy.

Do you have kids? You have any

pets or anything like that?

Yes, I do. I have a dog and a little girl.

Okay. What are their names?

Mr. Pickles and Gabriella.

Oh, that's funny. if I have a daughter,

I'm gonna name her Mr. Pickles as well.

Sorry.

So let me ask you,

you probably go through great pains

to prevent Mr. Pickles

and Gabriella from dying,

-if I'm not mistaken.

- Well, yes, I would.

Is this what you normally

clean your house with?

It's whatever's on sale.

It's usually blue or yellow.

That would be correct, yes.

Well, here's the problem with that.

It's extremely poisonous.

And it's really dangerous.

I can show you statistics

and experiments

that prove that my product

doesn't only clean better

than those, but it's safer.

But if I've shown you one thing,

it's that that is really boring.

So instead, I'll just do this.

I'll step back for the experiment.

Oh, my God.

Wow. I'm impressed.

I am.

Scieoclean is the best cleaning product

that's ever been invented.

It's completely natural,

it's completely safe,

and it cleans better than

any product on the market.

If any of my competitors

are making the same claim,

all I say is, come on TV

and drink your product.

But I don't think you will

because no one wants to

sh*t blood on TV.

That's it. That's all I got.

Scieoclean. It's safe, it's non-toxic,

and you can drink it.

And cut!

Mr. Brewster?

Yeah.

Well, we are intrigued!

You're...

- You're intrigued?

- Absolutely!

That presentation was wonderful.

You actually drank that stuff?

I did drink it! Yeah!

It's made out of food.

It was a great pitch.

Thank you so much!

If you want to hear more...

I said it was boring, but the stuff about

the micro-emulsion

is actually pretty amazing.

- Does it actually clean?

- Yes, it cleans great.

Okay, we're gonna wanna

see that at some point.

Oh, yeah, anytime. I can

demonstrate that anytime.

- And it has full FDA approval?

- I have full FDA...

How many units

do you have ready for market?

Thousands of units. I have way

more than I should, probably.

Well, we're gonna have to run

it up the ladder, obviously,

but I have a really good

feeling about this.

Thank you so much.

Oh, thank you! Thanks. Wow.

Great presentation.

Well, I'm glad you think so.

You have my info.

Absolutely. We'll be in touch. Great job.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Just don't say anything.

Just turn around. Just keep walking.

- I'm not saying anything.

- Just turn around.

- People love a performance.

- Stay calm. I know, I know.

This was better than Man of La Mancha!

- So how bad did it taste?

- It was horrible!

It was so gross!

- Well, you acted great.

- Oh, thank you.

- It needed the mint.

- It does.

What about the guy?

What did he say to you?

He said it was a great pitch.

He said he's going to

move it up the ladder.

- No!

"Yes!

- He used the ladder word?

- He used the word "ladder"!

- I know!

- You're going to be famous!

I might be, I don't know!

Do you still want to go

to San Francisco?

Seriously?

Yeah.

We're practically there.

You're curious, I'm curious, so,

what the hell?

Yeah, if... Are you...

Are you sure you want to?

Yeah.

Okay. Great.

- Okay.

- Okay.

So, honey, what if you

take an eye dropper

and you drop it in your eyes?

Oh, you're right! You know what?

It's actually not a bad idea.

I should do it.

You could also put it in your nose.

Right.

So what was your plan?

Well, I thought you'd call him

and you'd say, "Hey, remember me?"

And then you guys would

go have some tea,

and then you would marry each other.

Well, then you don't have

to pay for my old age home.

Exactly. That's the real plan.

Very, very good thinking.

Here. Here. His number's on top there.

- What?

- Call him.

Put it on speakerphone.

Put it on speakerphone.

- Oh, no, honey...

- I want to hear. Yeah.

Okay. This is the moment of truth. Okay.

I hope he's home. I hope he's not home.

I hope he's home.

This is very tense for me.

How'd you get this number?

Well, there's this Internet now.

- Oh! Oh, right.

- It has tons of information.

Okay, I'm going to press...

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