The Guilt Trip Page #8

I don't know what to say.

It's just been a long time.

Well, I tell you what.

When you're ready,

give me a call.

I will think about it, Ben.

Joyce.

- Drive carefully!

- I will. You take care now.

Bye, Mr. Graw! Nice to meet you.

- It's Ben. Ben.

- See you, Andrew.

Bye, Ben!

- How scandalous! Mother!

- Don't you say...

What a scandal!

Stop it. Come on. Don't do that.

"I'll think about it, Ben."

- That's exactly...

- That's so...

You're blushing right now,

you know that?

- That is so nasty!

- That's exactly what you said.

You know, he's very nice. God!

I haven't had that much fun

in such a long time. You know?

Maybe you're right, Andy.

Maybe I need a little more

adventure in my life.

I'm really tired of going to the Gap.

- Are you actually?

- No. Actually, I'm not.

It's just that I'm a grown woman

and the most exciting place

I've ever been is Florida.

"Well, I happen to know a few places

"you don't have to eat on a stage."

I'm gonna take this dessert...

I'm not gonna share it with you now...

-"I'm Ben Graw."

- You're being obnoxious!

-"My name's Ben Graw."

- Come on. Drive.

"This here's... Your train's

getting robbed! I'm Ben Graw.

Did you notice how handsome he was?

"I'm very handsome. I'm Ben Graw."

- Did you notice his teeth?

-"My teeth are perfect."

- Stop it!

-"I have a very close shave."

I am going to kill you.

What? That's exactly what he was like!

Stop it! Stop it! Are you hungry yet?

Am I hungry yet? Are you kidding me?

Well, you just had a little hamburger.

Oh, wait! Look, look, look!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Number 10.

- I know. It's very exciting.

Cool!

- Number 1 O already!

-Isn't that going to be great?

Yeah.

How many more CDs do we have?

I think 12.

Twelve? We're not even

halfway through?

These are good.

They don't have too many chemicals.

What is that? Why do you

want to feed me all the time?

You know what it is, honey?

Food is love.

Come on, get in there. That's it.

- I got us some treats.

- Ma, you're in the wrong car!

Who are you?

You're in the... I'm over here!

Oh, my God! What happened?

Yeah!

I got goodies!

What a nice chapter.

He's a beautiful writer.

Whoa!

It's okay, honey.

I picked up a hitchhiker!

- How you doing?

- Good.

-Isn't that great?

- Yeah.

So, explain to me

how a hot flash works.

It just feels like you're

on fire all of a sudden!

You just want to dunk into a shower.

All over the city, they should have,

like, big dunk tanks

so menopausal women

can just hop in them any time.

It's a pretty good idea.

I like your thinking, honey.

Wow!

Look at this!

Oh, honey, thank you!

I can't believe you did this.

I always wanted to see

the Grand Canyon.

I know. Really spectacular.

Really beautiful.

Yeah.

So, how long

are we supposed to look at it?

Ten minutes?

- Ten minutes!

- Yeah. Right?

Seems disrespectful to look at it

for any less than 10 minutes, I guess.

But who'll know?

That's a good point.

- You want to go?

- Yeah, let's go.

Let's go to Vegas.

We should tell our friends

we looked at it for longer.

All right! You show 'em!

Oh, I wouldn't have believed this!

It's crazy, Ma.

Look at all these...

I can't get over

the amount of light bulbs.

Can you imagine what it costs

to run this place?

No one flips them off

when they leave the room.

It must drive you crazy.

I can't wait to see the slot machines.

Look, M&M's! Andy!

There you go! Imagine how loud

you could chew those!

I just have a good

feeling about tomorrow.

I think things are gonna go really well.

Well, it'd better.

That's our hotel right there.

- That's where we're going?

- Look at the fountain!

Very elegant.

I just feel a little weird valet parking

Mr. Bean's car.

- Nice, huh?

- Whoa!

- Exciting!

- I know! Isn't it?

- Oh, my God, we're here!

- We're here!

- Look how beautiful!

- Thank you very much.

Appreciate that. Perfect.

Oh, my God! Look at their statues!

Is that the statue of David?

Yes, that's the actual David.

They flew it here.

No, they didn't!

- Hi! I'm Andrew Brewster.

- Hello.

I'm presenting to

Home Shopping Network tomorrow.

Oh, great. Welcome, Mr. Brewster.

I just need your credit carol, please.

- Right there.

- Thank you.

I see you're on their corporate rates.

Oh, great!

Here is your credit card.

- Thank you.

- Perfect.

How are you doing on this thing?

Oh, Jesus! Okay. Okay.

Hey, Ma! I was gonna go take

a shower, then we should eat,

then I want to go to the Bellagio.

- We can see the fountain...

- No, honey, look at this.

Frogs. It has frogs!

- Great.

- And it's on the aisle.

They put it in front. You know why?

Because this is a winner.

Ma, there's lots of machines

on the aisles.

Oh, look at this,

I got a seat! The guy left.

- That's great.

- I'm so excited!

Ma, come on, let's just go, okay?

No. No, no, honey.

You go up, drop the bags, shower,

do whatever you want.

I'm going to play here, okay?

Are the drinks free here?

Yeah, the drinks are free.

- They're free?

- Yeah.

So, would you please flag me down

a waitress if you see one?

- Okay. Yeah, okay.

- Okay. Okay.

Great.

What does that mean? Do you know?

You won about 10 cents.

Ten cents? That's it?

I got three navel oranges.

It's still going up!

Who do I call? Who do I tell?

Oh, I know. I got

a good feeling about this.

Where are the drinks?

Good luck with that.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Ma?

It's me, honey.

You're finally back?

What time is it?

- Hi, sleepyhead.

- Hi.

Oh, I'm so excited.

Are you up? Are you up? Are you up?

Yeah.

So...

Do you notice anything different?

Yeah, you gamble all night

and get drunk at 7:00 a.m.

No! No, I got my ears pierced! Look.

- Isn't that great?

- Oh, wow.

- Yeah, look at that!

- All right.

I was up $60 and I decided

to call it quits.

And so then I passed a jewelry store

and I got my ears pierced!

Okay!

And it didn't even hurt.

Well, if you're happy about that,

then good for you.

I'm happy about that.

- I am so happy, Andy!

- Good.

I could just stay here forever.

Well, eventually you might

run out of things to pierce

and your frog machine

might short-circuit.

I don't know what you'd do after that.

I know. I just got carried away.

Yeah.

- So, I was thinking...

- Yeah.

...that maybe you should go

to San Francisco alone,

and then I could spend

the rest of the weekend here.

I don't think that's the best idea.

Why not?

You know, we've been having fun.

We should keep it going.

I've only been punched

in one side of my face.

I'm letting you off the hook, you know.

You drove all the way to

Las Vegas with your mother.

I have enough bragging material

to last the rest of my life, honey.

Ma.

I don't actually have

a meeting in San Francisco.

I tracked down Andy.

Margolis.

He's the meeting in San Francisco.

He had the same job.

He works for the same company!

He got transferred to the West Coast.

And I got his information.

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