The Gumball Rally Page #2

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and the road conditions.

What's the matter, Jose?

Nothing, Mr. Bannon. I'm okay.

Hey, don't let all this stuff get you down.

Hey, I'm fine. What do I care?

I mean, if I wanted to go, I could go.

I mean, it's a free country, right?

I mean, this whole race is unofficial,

so I'm as unofficial as you are.

See, if I wanted to go, I'd go.

If I had a car.

It's my girlfriend, you see.

She tells me yesterday,

"No more dates on the subway."

I tell you something.

In this country, you ain't nothing...

...if you got no wheels.

Oh, I don't know.

You been on the roads lately?

The age of the motorcar is over.

- Hey, is it okay if I take a few hours off?

- Sure.

Okay, kill it. Kill it.

Hurry up. I'm gonna have to redo

everything you've done.

Gee, Mike, what'd you think

this was, a vintage-car event?

Well, Smitty, some things

get meaner as they get older.

Well, it's real cute. Very fast.

Very uncomfortable.

That's good, though. It's macho.

That's good for you.

That old Smitty. You know,

we've been competing in everything:

Sports, school, girls.

Twenty years of competition

can sometimes get out of hand.

Why didn't he buy

the rest of the Ferrari team?

- I'm not so sure he didn't.

- Hey, where is that Italian flash anyway?

Franco? Hasn't showed up all day.

- He's probably resting up.

- Yeah, getting his plugs cleaned.

I must go now, my darling.

Will you write?

lf I can.

I mean, I never met anyone

who's gone to Borneo.

It is not a pleasure trip.

Be careful, Franco.

I cannot do the work I must

and also be careful.

- Then be lucky.

- That's better.

This is Red Fox to Barracuda.

Red Fox to Barracuda.

Now, I figure they're gonna leave late

tonight or early tomorrow morning.

As soon as I see them go,

I'll let you know.

And I want roadblocks on every bridge

and tunnel going west. Do you copy?

Now, as the contract reads,

no driving after 6 p.m.

Not to exceed 55 miles per hour.

- You're bonded?

- Of course.

Mr. Blakely is a connoisseur

of fine automobiles.

But for California driving,

he's especially fond of this one.

Minga.

You may go.

Sure.

Gently, gently.

Drive carefully.

Jesus. It's a hit.

We still haven't got the food.

What are we gonna eat?

Oh, Franco, where you been? Your mother

called. She's been looking for you.

Now you make jokes on my mother?

No, no, about your mother,

not on your mother, Franco.

I wouldn't get on your mother.

Just like in Monte Carlo. Jokes.

You insult me, you insult my family,

you insult my country...

...my honor, my dignity you insult!

I warned you!

But you wouldn't listen!

No more jokes.

You see this?

No more jokes!

Very good, Franco.

- You like?

- Yeah, it's very nice.

Where is the...? The professore.

Professore in the pee-pee.

Are you always like this?

Franco is ready.

The race can begin.

Here we go, Andy.

Porsche, two.

- Good for you.

- Six for the Dodge.

- All right.

- Cobra, four.

Three, Ferrari.

Jaguar, 10.

Take your number there.

Number one.

Number eight. Who's holding eight?

lt's Lapchik, the lone eagle.

Those are your starting positions.

Jose will start every vehicle.

You got something to do.

You're starting times will be

registered here and in Long Beach.

And your elapsed time will all be verified.

So that's it. Let's get some rest.

It's done, brother.

Go.

Okay. Get ready.

All right, ladies and gentlemen,

start your engines.

And now, my friend...

...the first rule of Italian driving.

What's behind me is not important.

Buddy, here's to us,

and that we get there first.

Give New York one of those famous

rebel yells of yours when we hit the street.

You know, just to start my blood.

Camaro, 6:
00. Go.

- Porsche, 6 and 10.

- Go.

- It's going down.

- Off.

What's the matter with you?

Where are you?

- Cobra, 6:
00 and 30 seconds.

- Go.

They're not gonna do it again.

Mercedes, 6 and 40. Go.

You animal.

51 st Street.

Bravo. Times Square.

It's gonna be a nice day.

Good morning.

Good morning to you.

Miserable son of a b*tch.

Hey, fella, can you loan me a dime?

- Drop your pants.

- Look, I'm a cop on the job.

I'm Robin Hood.

- Drop them.

- Okay.

- Real easy, fella.

- Drop them.

It's okay, it's okay.

Okay, just stay calm.

Honk if you're horny.

Hit it.

Hit it.

Put your foot in it.

- You can't go back. It's one-way.

- What do you want me to do?

- Will you calm down?

- You should've checked the route.

I mean, wait, you blaming me?

Damn it. This is one-way too.

I am only going one way.

Wake up, meatheads. Another great day

is starting in New York City, the Big Apple.

Get up, get ready, the Giants won

7-zip, believe it or not.

The Age of Aquarius is really on us.

Now, the Eastern Standard Time

is five minutes past 6:00.

You wanna go fast?

No, that's all right.

We got plenty of time.

Hey! Watch where you're going!

Now we take a left over here, right?

But we gotta go left.

Look out, Joe! You're gonna ruin the car.

What's the matter with you?

Will you take it easy for God sakes?

Joey, slow down a minute.

- Wait a minute. Make a left.

- I'm not lost, so shut up.

Hey, did you know

there's a hole back there?

No sh*t.

And a hungry smile.

Can you look hungry?

This is Uncle Bruce.

Hussy, get hungry. Hungry,

$ 150-a-night hungry, for me.

You know the feeling.

Good, good, I like that. I love that.

I love that look. Fan. Hungry fans.

Click. Thank you. Thank you.

That's the end of the session.

It's been all right.

Hey, baby. How do you like it?

Oh, terrific. You stole it, right?

Come on, I'm in a rush. Come on, get in.

Let me have that, here.

- So how do you like it, huh?

- This is real class.

I mean, real class.

Come on, turn it on.

- What, is this the switch?

- That's it.

Hey, maybe we should wait.

Christ, if this thing works...

Some city you got here.

I didn't know what size.

I said, better too big than too little.

- Did you get any?

- We didn't put it up.

- We were waiting to hear from you.

- They snipped my radio.

- How about your car?

- The wheels fell off.

Oh, those guys sound mean.

- Take me to the airport.

- Now?

Hey, you gotta learn

to roll with the punches, Roscoe.

Harold, how you been?

Hey, that's Crazy Harold.

How long do we have to drive anyway?

lf we're lucky, about 35 hours.

- Where we going, Cuba?

- No, Long Beach, California.

- Stop.

- No, I can't.

No, no, stop.

You pull over to the side and stop.

- Let me out.

- I forgot to tell you something.

- I'm in a race, and I can't go back.

- I don't care.

- I'm getting out.

- You gotta stay.

- Just pull over, or I'm jumping.

- No, wait a minute.

Close that door.

Take it easy, now. Just take it easy.

We'll get there.

From the garage to the Jersey Turnpike,

six minutes, 58 seconds.

- That's 15 seconds better than last year.

- Terrific.

You got the snooper working?

- Get a weather report on the CB.

- You got it.

All you truckers out there,

this is Big Ben in Jolly Green.

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