The Gumball Rally Page #3

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We got a little light snow

coming in from Pennsylvania.

Roll on, yellow Camaro.

Exact change, 25 cents.

Well, we're heading south.

We got plenty of open road.

- You're a spastic.

- I was also all-state in basketball.

- That's it. No more quarters.

- Get out of the car.

- You got a quarter?

- Get out of the car.

Get that tin can out of the way.

- Where do you think it is?

- Under the car.

- What?

- Under the car.

If I was a quarter, where would I be?

Where did it go?

Pull on through. Park in section D.

How about explaining that last move?

- What's a Smokey the Bear?

- Highway patrol.

- Plain brown wrapper?

- City policeman.

Unmarked car? Police car.

- County Mountie?

- County sheriff.

- And a local yokel?

- City policeman.

You're so smart. Next time out I'll

make sure you get a driver's license.

Well, happy hunting, Roscoe.

Sorry about the pants.

And you call yourself New York's finest.

Well, I got you all out of New York.

See you later, Sir Roscoe.

Taxi.

- The crusade is straight ahead.

- Taxi.

Now, our crew is going ahead in a plane.

They got spare parts,

everything we're gonna need.

Now, I've got all these stops here

marked and coordinated.

Beautiful.

- What the hell are you doing?

- She is magnificent.

Look, this is a race, man.

Some things are more important

than winning.

Maybe the float's stuck.

Maybe it's humidity.

England is humid.

I feel like Moses

at the parting of the Red Sea.

- Hey, man, this is no good.

- What's the matter, huh?

Well, take a look. It's too easy.

Yeah. Yeah, it's too easy

until somebody nails us.

This is Flying Lasagna

coming into the oven, do you copy?

The oven is hot.

See that gas station? Let's pull off there.

Let's get ready. One man take them...

- Brilliant. Brilliant.

- Thank you.

- Preston?

- What do you want?

I gotta take a leak.

No, I won't stop

so you can take a piss.

- There's a bottle in the back.

- I can't do that.

- I'm not gonna stop till we need gas.

- I can't hold it, buddy.

I'm telling you, use the bottle.

I tried this once going 60.

Didn't work then.

Well, if you're coordinated,

once you start, you won't stop.

Hey. Come on.

Stop.

I'm getting this all over my hands.

My hands are wet.

You're a dumb son of a b*tch sometimes.

I don't know why I hang around with you.

I wouldn't have done this to you.

Those dirty son of a b*tches.

I hope there's tough justice in Illinois.

I wanna nail them, sheriff,

and this ought to do it.

- Then what?

- Then I'm gonna turn them over to you.

And you can throw away the key. You'll

be doing this country a favor, that's what.

Now we can start running.

How's our time?

Right on schedule.

I wonder what old Roscoe

is doing now.

Developing an ulcer.

Steady, huh?

She is happy.

They're coming.

Goddamn, was that Roscoe?

I wonder if he set us up.

Oh, terrific.

I got them now.

Jeez, I'd love to see the look on their faces.

- How fast are you going?

- Just 100.

- Well, let's hit it, avanti.

- Thank you, my dear friend.

- Jesus, we're going over 100 knots.

- Well, come on. Step it up, buddy.

- Hey, what's the matter?

- Sir, we can't catch them.

He must be going 180 miles per hour.

We don't even have a fixed-wing airplane

that can catch that.

Now what?

Take me to the airport.

It's a handsome design.

I wish it ran.

I'm gonna tell you.

This thing handles like a pig.

It'll get better.

Wait till we use up some gas.

This thing's a bear to handle.

- What the hell, Harry?

- I don't know, did we break anything?

- Maybe we better stop.

- Are you kidding?

- I think it's all right.

- Roll on.

What's wrong with him?

I think he's having a nightmare.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

- Fire. Fire.

- You can't outrun it, you a**hole.

Pull that thing off the road.

I hope you learn from this experience.

I made this drive once before

in 1946 in a Mercury coupe.

- Is that so?

- But it's different now.

- Yes, newer roads, older bodies.

- Yeah, too much, too late.

But if I have to die, Andy,

I want to die trying.

Good.

Would you say that man Lapchik

has a certain joie de vivre?

I'd say he's possessed

of a severe case of masochism.

I think it was a meteor,

that's what it was.

- You okay, huh? You okay?

- Yeah, I think so.

Who's that guy?

- Keep your eye on the road.

- Just getting my rhythm up.

Keep up the speed, will you?

I am keeping up the speed.

It's so boring out here...

...my mind's drifting.

This is America, Gibson.

America's not boring.

Yeah, well, motel signs, caf signs,

one-way signs, "do not enter" signs...

...and every other kind of sign,

it all looks the same to me.

Now, back there we saw a reptile farm.

That's more right down my alley.

Get my hands on a boa contractor.

The word is "constrictor."

And don't slow down. Move it.

- Why did I pick him for a mechanic?

- Because I'm the best, that's why.

Oh, what in the name of farm corn

did he come from?

I told you to keep your eyes on the road.

How am I supposed to keep my eyes

on the road, have a good time...

...think about my girlfriend

and do all that? Tell me.

You're a product of too much inbreeding.

Watch out, P.D.

Hit it. You got yours.

It's those damn fake cops.

- Will you move it now?

- Damn it if you can't take a joke.

I wanna go home.

You say you wanna be a movie star,

that you wanna be somebody.

I mean, you take acting classes,

you take dance classes, you work hard.

Where the hell do you think

you're gonna be discovered?

Standing on a corner in Queens?

I mean, baby, listen, now...

...in Hollywood.

- Do you really think so?

- Baby, I really like you.

You should try to be nice to me.

You know, you should try to understand.

I do.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Don't grab the wheel.

Brake!

Hey, you!

Jesus Christ.

Whitey, Whitey, you okay, boy?

Talk to me.

Hello out there, this is Hoosier.

I'm a-coming in from the Cactus Patch.

Rolling on to Derby City.

Got Smokeys all over 40

giving out green stamps...

...as you ride the cloverleaf

into the Buckeye, hear?

You can put the hammer down

and watch out for two little beavers...

...in a black speedboat

coming your way, as they are broken.

They got ears. Do you copy?

That damn Smith.

He's the one who links up all this mess.

He's a damned overaged juvenile delinquent,

and I want him.

- I wanna suspend his license in perpetuity.

- Who's Smith?

The thorn in my side, captain.

The cloud over my head.

Baker spotted them about five miles back.

They should be here soon. They're flying.

They must be doing over 160.

I never saw anything so damn fast.

I got them. Get everybody in position.

Come on, let's go get them.

See this truck up here?

Pull in behind it and blow the horn.

Fantastic.

I thought you'd like that.

Bravo, bravo!

Maybe they stopped.

Send a car up the road.

- What's up?

- Any speeders pass you back there?

- Nobody passed me within 15 miles.

- Okay, get out of here.

What happened? Somebody rob a bank?

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