The Happiest Millionaire

? Well, now?

? Ain't this

an elegant neighborhood??

? All the residents

dress so fine?

? One day off the boat am I

with a job that's nearly mine?

? 'Tis a job with

an elegant millionaire?

? And his elegant family?

? Today I move from immigrant

to high society?

Now, you may call that luck.

And you may call it fortune.

But me, meself...

? I call it?

? Fortuosity?

? That's me byword?

? Fortuosity?

? Me twinkle-in-the-eye word?

? Sometimes castles

fall to the ground?

? But that's where

four-leaf clovers abound?

? Fortuosity?

? Lucky chances?

? Fortuitious little

happy happenstances?

? I don't worry

'cause everywhere I see?

? That every bit of life

is lit by fortuosity?

? Fortuosity?

? That's me own word?

? Fortuosity?

? Me never-feel-alone word?

? Round the corner,

under a tree?

? Good fortune's waitin'?

? Just wait and see?

? Fortuosity?

? Lucky chances?

? Fortuitious little

happy happenstances?

? I keep smilin'

'cause my philosophy?

? Is do your best

and leave the rest?

? To fortuosity?

? I keep smilin'

'cause my philosophy?

? Is do your best

and leave the rest?

? To fortuosity?

Good day to you, ma'am.

Would this be the home of

Mr. Anthony J. Drexel Biddle?

It would.

I've come to be interviewed

for the position of the butler.

Mrs. Biddle

does the interviewin'.

She's not at home just now.

But I had an appointment.

The Mayflower Employment Agency.

I'll tell Mrs. Biddle that

you were put out about it.

Oh.

Not at all.

I'd be pleased to call again.

Good day to ya.

What part of Ireland?

County Tyrone.

Just new here, are ya?

The day before yesterday.

Oh, well, perhaps you'd like

to wait in the kitchen.

Mrs. Biddle

will be comin' home soon.

That's very kind of you.

Thank you very much.

Faith, 'tis a grand place

you have here.

I'm the housekeeper here.

Me name's Mrs. Worth.

Mine's John Lawless.

This way, John Lawless.

Have a seat,

and I'll pour you some coffee.

Don't you be troubling yourself.

No trouble.

There's a pot

brewing on the stove.

Sit down.

Would you be from Ireland

yourself, Mrs. Worth?

I came over as young girl.

Not long ago, then.

Tell me, Mrs. Worth, what

became of the last butler?

I couldn't say.

He left in the dead of night

after being here

less than a month.

We've got a servant problem

in this house.

No use sayin' we don't.

Must be hard working

for the very rich.

I mean, they're accustomed

to havin' things just so.

That's not exactly the problem.

The wage is very low.

No, the Biddles

are generous enough.

Long hours, then?

I wouldn't say so.

There's a gorgeous sight.

Are you getting ready

for a party?

No, Mr. Biddle's

on a chocolate-cake diet.

I beg your pardon?

Cordelia!

He says it's the perfect food,

containing every

essential element.

Where is Mrs. Biddle?

She's gone shopping.

Blast!

And Cordy?

- I couldn't say.

- And the boys?

I haven't seen them since lunch.

At a time like this.

No one!

Is there something

I could do, Mr. Biddle?

Yes.

You can call Dr. Donleavy.

Tell him I've been bit

by an alligator.

Oh, dear!

Might as well live alone.

Are you a married man?

Me, sir?

No, sir.

Then you wouldn't understand.

? I've been bit on my finger?

? It could have been my leg?

? It could have been my head?

? I might have died?

? In a time of mortal peril?

? Any man should expect?

? That his family will come

rushing to his side?

? What's wrong with that??

? What's wrong with that??

? My family rushing

to my side?

? What's wrong with that??

Oh, not a thing, sir, I'm sure.

? I'm a good-hearted husband?

? I'm generous and kind?

? No wife could have

a life as free of cares?

? So when a good-hearted

husband has been bit?

? It's only right?

? That his wife should share

the agony he bears?

? What's wrong with that??

? What's wrong with that??

? I want my wife

to share my life?

? What's wrong with that??

Cordelia!

Well, now.

Now, that answers a whole slew

of questions, don't it?

Cordy!

Boys!

Blast!

? Here in this house

I'm raising?

? Three strong,

intelligent children?

? Where are they now in

their father's time of need??

? I give them private tutors?

? The finest

physical trainers?

? All in vain?

Ohh, the pain!

? I believe in the Bible?

? I believe in Uncle Sam?

? And as sure

as Old Glory waves above?

? I believe a man who's bitten

has the right to demand?

? That his family give him

sympathy and love?

? What's wrong with that??

? What's wrong with that??

? The flag above,

the Bible, and love?

? What's wrong with that??

- Hello, Papa.

- Cordy!

Where have you been?

Out in the stable

with Tony and Liv.

- Is something wrong?

- Yes, something's wrong.

What were you doing shaving

at this time of day?

I haven't been shaving.

And since when do

I shave my finger?

You don't shave your ear either.

- But last week you cut it.

- That's different.

The ear is in the general

vicinity of the face.

So's the finger

when you're shaving.

It's a bite, blast it!

- No.

- Yes.

- Who?

- George.

Turned on me just like that

after all these years.

Well, it's really

not such a bad bite.

Is that all you have to say?

There's some antiseptic

in the emergency kit.

- And some bandages.

- Wait a minute.

Where are you going?

It's time for Bible class.

Yes, I know.

But you'll have to do

without me today.

I have an engagement.

Dr. Donleavy's somewhere between

his office and the hospital.

Keep trying.

Oh, what are you doing?

Me, sir?

Not a thing, sir.

- Well, do something.

- Yes, sir.

Blasted alligator.

- I beg your pardon.

- Treated him like a son.

What exactly would you

like me to do?

Tell the boys to bring in

that emergency kit.

Out the back door,

across the yard to the stable.

Mr. Tony.

Mr. Livingston.

Mr. Tony and Mr. Livingston.

Blasted Benedict Arnold.

That's what he is.

Yes?

Would you tell Miss Biddle

Mr. Taylor is calling?

- Mr. Who?

- Mr. Charles Taylor.

Miss Biddle is expecting me.

Cordy!

Dr. Donleavy must have stopped

to make a house call.

I could be dying.

Indeed you could.

Where's that blasted antiseptic?

Here you are, Pa.

- It's about time.

- We came as soon as we heard.

I left word with

the doctor to call.

What happened, Pa?

Was it really George?

Gentle old George?

Yes, it was gentle old George.

Hey, Pa, what's

Charlie Taylor doing here?

He came to see Cordy.

The answer to a maiden's prayer.

What do you know

about maidens' prayers?

Nothing, Pa.

It's just an expression.

Oh.

But Charlie Taylor?

- Cordy can do better than that.

- I'm sure she can.

When the time comes.

That's pretty good.

Going into vaudeville?

Hi, Tony.

Long time, no see.

- This is my brother, Liv.

- Hiya, sport.

Hi.

- Say, that man in the hall.

- Yeah?

That wasn't your father, was it?

- Who did you think it was?

- I thought he was some kind...

Uh, uh, uh.

Hey, caramel!

They're for Cordy, sport.

Cordy hates caramels.

They stick in her retainer.

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