The Happiest Millionaire Page #8

A boat?

A yacht, Papa.

Oh.

A yacht.

Well, I suppose a man

can get a kick out of a yacht.

Do you?

Do I what, sir?

Get a kick out of

your blasted yacht.

Well, I haven't been on it

for a while.

I suppose you've been busy

getting ready for the war.

Angie's gonna

turn his boat over, Papa.

Turn it over.

Well, that's a good thing

to do with a boat.

To the Coast Guard, Papa.

Oh.

Mother thought it would

be a good idea.

I see.

Tell me, Mr. Duke.

What else do you like?

Besides sailing, I mean.

Hiking? Skiing?

I broke an ankle once skiing.

Did you get back up

on those skis and try again?

No, sir.

Well, you should have.

Well, the bone

was kind of sticking out.

Oh.

Oh, that's right.

It goes to your head.

Do you do any fishing

or hunting?

Or do you box?

No, sir.

I just don't seem to have

the time.

You should take the time.

I was a sickly child, Mr. Duke.

Asthma.

Then when I was 10,

I came down with typhoid fever.

"That's it," they said.

"He'll never make it."

But I did make it.

And somehow the fever

killed the asthma.

It was like a miracle.

And do you know what I learned

at that early age, Mr. Duke?

That life is a precious

and wonderful thing.

But you just can't sit there

and let it lap around you.

You have to dive into it.

Taste it. Feel it.

You have to use it.

And the more you use,

the more you have.

That's the wonder of it.

Would you like some

more dessert, Mr. Duke?

No, thank you, Mrs. Biddle.

It's delicious, though.

Is something wrong, Mr. Duke?

Well, lookit there.

Well, it's Lucy.

I'll bet she's been hiding under

there all day where it's warm.

John!

John, look what I found.

Are you all right, Mr. Duke?

Yes.

Thank you.

I don't feel well.

I think I'm getting a cold.

Cordy, why don't you take

Mr. Duke into the parlor?

Yes, ma'am?

John, bring some more coffee

into the parlor, will you?

You little devil.

Decided to make

a holiday of it, did you?

I told you he keeps alligators.

It's not that.

I mean, it's not just that.

Cordy, he scares me to death.

But that's the whole trouble.

You've got to stand up to him.

I think he'd punch me

in the nose.

Punch him back.

Or better still,

punch him first.

What?

When he comes in here,

you've got to talk up to him.

Whatever he says, you dive

right in and contradict him.

Even when he's right?

Especially when he's right.

Cordy, I couldn't do that.

Angie, I want him to like you.

And I'm telling you

how to go about it.

Are you feeling better,

Mr. Duke?

Yes.

Thank you.

It was a little close in there.

Yes, in this cold weather

one has to be so careful.

Going out of doors, coming in.

Cold weather's good for you.

It clears the lungs.

Puts the heart to work.

I like hot weather.

You do?

Yes, sir.

I do.

Well...

Now we know.

Over here, please, John.

Mr. Biddle, I understand

you're a real boxing enthusiast.

Well, yes.

Yes, for some years now, I...

I never could see much in it.

As a sport.

I mean, two men just standing

there hitting each other.

It doesn't seem to have

much subtlety to it.

- It doesn't?

- No, sir.

John, bring in the gloves.

The boxing gloves, sir?

Yes, the boxing gloves.

Anthony, what are

you thinking of?

I want to show Mr. Duke some

of the subtleties of the sport

and correct

his false impression.

John and I can box

a quick couple of rounds.

Me, Mr. Biddle?

Fightin' you, sir?

In my parlor?

Just a demonstration.

Mr. Duke, would you mind moving

that chair out of the way?

The medium gloves, John.

Pardon me, Cordy.

Anthony, I really don't think

this is the time or the place.

We don't have to stand

on ceremonies with Mr. Duke.

He's practically

a member of the family.

- Right, Mr. Duke?

- Right, sir.

As a matter of fact, sir,

I was just wondering.

Why can't I try it?

What's that?

Why can't I fight you?

Without knowing

what you're doing?

From what I've seen

of the sport,

there can't be that much to it.

- Well, Mr. Duke...

- Anthony.

I don't think so.

I thought this was one house

where a man could get

a fair fight.

John, give Mr. Duke your gloves.

Gladly, sir.

Allow me, Mr. Biddle.

Cordy, can you help me

with these?

I don't think

you have to go this far.

Please.

Okay.

There.

You keep time, John.

Cordelia, he wants to.

You heard him.

Anthony, I hope you know

what you're doing.

I'll be careful with him.

That isn't exactly what I meant.

Are we ready, gentlemen?

Yes.

You ready, Mr. Duke?

- Yes, sir.

- We'll see if we can't show you

there's more to boxing

than you think there is.

- All right, John.

- Time.

Never take your eye

off your opponent, Mr. Duke.

Mr. Duke, boxing is called

the art of self-defense

for good reason.

That means you're

supposed to protect yourself.

Your stomach.

Your chin.

Keep circling, Angie.

Keep circling.

You see, Mr. Duke?

If I'd been throwing hard

punches, you'd be in trouble.

Protect yourself.

Keep your chin tucked, Angie.

- My chin what?

- Tucked.

No, just keep it

behind your shoulder there

so you don't get hurt.

All right, now you throw some

punches at me, Mr. Duke.

Never lead with your right,

Mr. Duke.

You're open for a left hook.

See?

Throw another punch.

Now the stomach.

See?

You're not protecting yourself.

Little more subtle than

you thought, isn't it?

Hey.

Wait.

Now, wait a minute.

Wait a minute, Mr. Duke.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Mr. Duke!

Wait a minute now.

You see, Mr. Duke.

- Angie!

- You ran right into my glove.

Will you need the ice?

He's all right.

Aren't you, Mr. Duke?

Yes, sir.

Sure, I'm okay.

Well, I hope

you're not upset with me.

No. If I were upset,

I'd take care of you.

You'd take care of me?

That's right.

Well, now, I find myself

wondering about that.

- You do?

- Yes, indeed, I do.

Excuse me, John.

Sir, would you take your boxing

stance right here, please?

Angie.

Cordy, would you stand

right over here?

Now what?

Papa!

Say, that's a pretty good trick.

Will you be needing

the ice, sir?

Anthony, you all right?

Of course I'm all right.

He caught me unawares,

that's all.

Would you care to

try it again, sir?

Awares?

Confound it, boy.

I've had my share of

roughhouse fighting.

Couldn't all this wait

for another time?

The coffee's getting quite cold.

Don't worry, Mrs. Biddle.

No one will get hurt.

At least I won't.

What do you want to do?

Wrestle?

It's called jujitsu, sir.

It's a little

like wrestling, yes.

Angie, please.

Have you gone crazy?

Yes, I think I have, Cordy.

And I feel right at home.

Mr. Duke, are you all right?

Is he all right?

I hope I didn't hurt you, sir.

Nothing that won't wear off.

That's a grand style

of fighting, sir.

I'd like to learn it meself.

I got a feeling it might

come in handy someday.

We've all got to learn it.

Every last man

in the Philadelphia Corps.

Mr. Duke, I want to thank you.

That's a remarkable thing.

It could mean the difference

between life and death

in hand-to-hand combat.

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