The Happy Film Page #3

But we have being

in a new place.

- In a place in which

you don't know people,

So you're forced

to be more open.

In a place that

the pace of life of which

Is much, much slower

than in new york.

And in a place which is

physically very beautiful,

And in a very green,

natural way.

So all of these things

are adding up

To sort of suppress the sort of,

The time pressure,

You know, task-focused

stefan sagmeister.

And bring out to the greatest

Extent that you're capable

Of the more warm, loving

and open stefan sagmeister.

So it's going to be very

difficult for us to figure out

Whether the meditation

played any role whatsoever.

What we're seeing here is

that you're really high

In a trait called systemizing.

And systemizing is the ability

And skill of seeing things

as systems

Which can be graphed

and manipulated.

And systemizing is at

least slightly correlated

Negatively with empathizing.

And so this is

a systemizer's attempt

To make himself

more empathizing.

- so, jonathan

talks in his book

About this metaphor for

Unconscious

and the conscious minds.

The conscious mind being

the tiny little rider

On the giant elephant,

the unconscious.

And the rider thinks that

he can tell the elephant

What to do and where to go.

But the elephant, of course,

Has his own sort of ideas.

And it's quite strange

That even though we think

That we make

our decisions rationally,

If you look at

a guy called george.

He doesn't quite know

where to move to,

Somehow georgia

sounds best for george.

And if you have

a guy called dennis,

He doesn't know if he wants to

Become a doctor or a teacher,

Somehow dentist

sounds best to dennis.

And paula,

unsure to marry jack or paul.

Paul it is for paula.

And that's the strange thing.

We think we make

these decisions,

But you have data in the us

That there are more georges

Who live in georgia,

There are more dennises

Who become dentists,

And there are more paulas

That are married to pauls

Than would be

statistically viable.

Now, when I first saw that

data I thought, you know,

These stupid americans.

Ah, they really don't know

what they're doing.

Somehow they are, you know,

Led around by their elephant.

Then I looked at my own family.

That's my mom karolina

marrying my dad karl.

My grandmother josephine

marrying my granddad josef.

So, I'm still looking

for that stefanie.

So, yeah, what I normally

do on Monday mornings

Is this weekly rating thing.

I've been doing it

for years and years.

It's basically 12 things that

I'm gonna change about myself.

So, one, I've been really,

really good.

Five, I've been really,

really bad.

First one, don't drink alcohol,

was one.

That I'm gutsy once a week.

Last week,

I don't think I was very gutsy,

But I'll have to go back

and check.

Okay, there was this

guggenheim gala

Where I did go up

to some people.

Not all that successful,

But at least I did.

Helping somebody, I was

actually good last week.

Do something with my friends,

also a two.

Flexible, I don't think

I was all that flexible.

So that gets, so that will be a

One, a two, five.

26 divided by 12.

2.1, okay, so that's

not too bad.

Yeah, I think

that's pretty good.

Oh, and then one

that I left out here

Because I was too

embarrassed about it

Was that I wouldn't

date any girls

That are more than 20

years younger than I am.

In weeks when

I was good at these things,

When I got good marks, it's

Always been a happy week.

And then I got bad marks,

It's been an unhappy week.

Jonathan introduced me

To some very high end

cognitive therapists.

I met up with them,

And hated them all.

Then a friend introduced me

to sheenah.

I liked her.

- How are you?

- - I'm good.

- I, myself, have never been in therapy before.

- Right.

- I'm not sure if I'm a

Particularly fantastic candidate

For therapy, considering that

For a big part of my life

I've been fairly happy.

When I first met sheenah

I asked her,

Is it reasonable to expect

Some change after three months?

And she said, well, if you

just talk and do nothing,

Probably not.

If you do the homework and

train yourself in that,

It probably will work.

My memories of my childhood

are incredibly happy.

My parents had

an unbelievable marriage.

I don't remember a single fight

Or even bad feelings in the air.

- oh, look at that.

That's a beautiful picture

of you and her.

Now, you come from a very

close, loving family.

- Mm-hm.

- There's not much

history of conflict.

There wasn't much model for it

growing up.

- here's something

that I was thinking about,

Is that you're 49 and

you've never married.

- And I've found that all

single people who say to me,

I can't understand why I

really don't have a family,

Why is this?

All of them tend

to be passive pleasers.

Because you tend

to avoid conflict.

- yes, I think that accurate.

- Right.

- So what would you say

would be a remedy for that?

- I believe in dealing with

conflict well and elegantly.

And respectfully.

It would be good practice

for you to do that.

- even before

I saw sheenah,

I've been trying to get

Better with everyday things.

Things I'm almost embarrassed

That I need to talk about them.

Things like if I want

a coffee on the street

And I see somebody

with a coffee,

Just ask that person,

Where did you get it,

Rather than finding it myself.

Or telling a taxi driver

to turn the radio down

If it bothers me.

You know, I've been

known to sit in a taxi

And just endure it.

That's perfect, thanks.

Do you have any idea

of other homework

That I could do?

- I think we should pick things

that you would avoid doing.

What kind of things

do you avoid doing?

Cause I do believe

in seeking discomfort

As a great way

to grow confidence.

- Hi, sorry for interrupting,

But you just look fantastic.

I love your outfit,

You just look great.

That's some serious amount of

Apples that you have there.

- So I'm gonna do things

That I normally never do.

And some, probably

the most difficult one

Is going to be to get a

phone number of a girl.

Which is just

gonna be terrifying,

Because I never

do that on the street.

I just never do.

So just thinking about it

Now and talking about it,

Yeah, makes me queasy

To say the least.

Wow, I love that bag.

Excuse me, I love that bag.

I'm not getting very

far with my compliments.

- People are so used to

being approached here.

- Do you ever approach

people on the street?

- No.

- Me neither.

- I never do.

- Yeah, no, no, me neither.

- This blonde?

You want to try?

- Not really.

She looks mean.

- Yeah.

- Can I give you a flower?

- oh, it's--

- no, but look, look,

It matches perfectly.

- Thanks a lot, thanks a lot.

- Yeah? Thank you.

I'm sorry, I see you're texting

But I just have to comment

on your jacket.

That is just the nicest jacket.

You absolutely look fantastic.

Yeah, yeah.

- Oh, well, thank you.

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