The Happy Years Page #5

He won't-

tough and i are

gonna fight it out

when the right time comes.

Tough knows it,

and i know it.

Well, dink,

if it's a feud,

then that's your private

affair with tough.

Hopkins:
Well aware,

gentlemen,

that this first

two weeks of school

has been the hardest,

i trust my despairing

change of policy

will bear fruit

from now on.

Uh, to the blackboard,

mccarty,

so that the object lesson

be more apparent.

Mccarty,

what easy,

graceful gesture

did i last week promise

this mass of mediocrity?

We were each to make

our own selection

of any 200 words

to translate, sir.

Well, mccarty,

it's time to put your

classmates to shame.

Ahem.

I chose the part

beginning...

when they arrived

at the spot,

caesar began his speech

by relating the benefits

conferred

upon ariovistus

by himself

and by the senate.

The senate had called

him king and friend

and had sent gifts-

with a-

a m-a most, uh,

lavish hand.

This privilege

was usually granted

in consideration of-

of, uh-

of, uh-

of, uh-

of the senate

and, with no just

cause of claim,

had obtained

the rewards in question

by the favor

and generosity

of caesar

and of the senate.

He-

splendid, mccarty.

We'll excuse you.

Hopkins:
I only wanted

to show the others

what's possible to a

reasonably normal intelligence.

Stover,

such rapt attention

deserves reward.

Translate your oral

selection for us, please.

Please, mr. Hopkins,

i chose the exactly

same passage.

Isn't that

extraordinary, now?

Well, stover,

try and lend it

a new charm.

Ahem.

What's wrong,

stover?

Haven't translated?

Oh, yes, sir.

What's the matter,

then?

Well, sir, i'm afraid

the unusual circumstances

have made me

a little embarrassed.

Well, stover,

embarrassment

is something

you must learn

to overcome.

I will, sir.

I'll try, sir,

but i don't think the

conditions are favorable.

I don't think this

is quite regular, sir.

I've always taken

interest in my studies,

and i don't see why

i should be made

to sacrifice

a good mark.

Nevertheless, stover,

i shall allow you

to recite.

Then, sir, i have

nothing to say except...

not prepared.

I am not

unprepared, stover.

I do have

something to say.

Remain after class

and hear it.

Hopkins:
Stover,

this morning,

i noted your name

among those volunteering

to come out

for the kennedy house

football team.

May i remind you that

it can be my privilege

to forbid all

athletic activities

to any student whose

scholastic standing

is unsatisfactory?

Is that all, sir?

That's all.

Except, stover,

i presume you know

that mccarty

is the captain

of the kennedy team.

You bet i know.

But perhaps you don't

know that this year,

i myself will coach

the kennedy team,

and, speaking purely

as the coach,

i am suffused

with curiosity

as to whether or not

we shall see you

on the football field

next saturday.

Man:
Hike.

Hopkins:
All right,

line up there.

Youngster,

i promised your father

not to let you

play football

until you were 18.

However, i'm going to give you

a very important responsibility,

to revive and restore such of

our kennedy house gladiators

as may temporarily succumb

to the enemy's onslaught.

Here.

Over there

with the team.

Hopkins:
Ah, you, smith,

you, catlett,

you, jordan-

over there with the team.

Now the rest of you

will be the scrub.

Line up there

in the midfield.

Not you, stover.

Stover, how much

do you weigh?

145, about.

About 105.

How much football

have you played?

I haven't

played any.

I'll assign you to help

with the water bucket.

I won't do it.

You can't play football

on nothing but nerve.

You can if you got

enough of it.

I know i'm not heavy enough

to play on the house team,

but you can always use

another guy on the scrub

to take

the banging around.

Give me a chance,

won't you?

I told you to help out

with the water bucket,

didn't i?

Well, i've

changed my mind.

Get over there

with the scrubs...

for today, anyway.

Jones, mccully...

very good.

Your turn, stover.

Mccarty,

here's a fellow who

thinks all you need

in this game is nerve.

Let's see

what he's got.

Let go! Let go!

Here, stover.

Stover,

it's all over.

Let go!

Missed him

the first time.

Give me another chance. I'll get him.

Want to take it

again, mccarty?

Oh, of course, sir.

This is

a real pleasure.

Stover, if you had

any sense at all,

you'd know that when

you tackle a bigger man,

you've got to hit him

harder then he hits you.

That's enough for today, stover.

The fact is, we're so

short of good material,

i may have to keep you on the scrub.

Off the field.

Boys:
hear of this

pleasant twilight hour

when all

our tasks are o'er

we gather on memorial steps

to sing our songs once more

we're glorious men

and our name is fair...

ah, dink, i know

it's too bad

you're a little light

for the house team,

but next year-

i wouldn't play

on the house team

if i weighed

200 pounds!

The scrub for me,

where now and then

it's legal

to take a crack

at tough mccarty.

Well, then, you'd

better get to work

on the gerund

and the gerundive,

or the old roman's gonna

throw you right off the scrub

and back

into private life.

I'll have that all

worked out tomorrow.

I have an important

appointment

with that intimate

expert on latin,

the great big man.

John:
How'd you

like to help me

put something over

on the old roman?

Would it be something completely

ethical and above board?

Otherwise,

l- i'm sorry,

but i don't think

i'd care to.

Look, great big man,

let's go back and have

that double jigger,

and i'll tell you

the whole story.

No. L-i don't want

a double jigger.

You see, i just

had 5 double jiggers,

and i'm still hungry,

but i haven't got

any more money.

You just had

5 double jiggers?

One day, i ate 5 double

jiggers and 14 doughnuts,

and i was

still hungry.

Listen.

How'd you like

to go down in history?

How'd you like to leave

a mark on this school

that would bring honor

to the name of-of-

joshua montgomery smeed.

I'd like that

very much.

Listen.

With your brains, you could

do something important for me,

but first, with my

brains and your appetite,

i could do something

very important for you.

Conover:
Oh.

Oh, welcome, boys.

Welcome.

John:
Mr. Conover,

we're going after

the pancake record.

Well, where's your eating champion?

Well, i was

expecting something

about the size

of a buffalo.

If this little boy

can eat 32 pancakes,

i'll make them

all day free

for the whole

school.

First, where's my

money, in case you lose?

Ah, wait a minute,

conover.

You know, if we win,

i get my watch back.

If you win.

Start out

with 6 pancakes.

John:

Look, big man.

"Guzzler wilkins.

March 1891."

26 pancakes.

Remember, big man,

you're going into battle

for the honor

of the whole school.

I'm ready.

Shad,

watch the pancakes.

Watch the dimensions

carefully.

Regulation size,

you know.

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